Why are women and men so different?

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alkemyst

alkemyst

No Lifer
Feb 13, 2001
83,769
19
81
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

 
9

91TTZ

Lifer
Jan 31, 2005
14,374
1
0
Originally posted by: alkemyst
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
Click to expand...

An oldie but goodie :thumbsup:
 
NikolaeVarius

NikolaeVarius

Lifer
Oct 25, 2006
11,036
11
91
My Girlfriend and I were in a tight financial situation
She said that I would have to give up beer.
But when I caught her putting on 90 dollars of makeup
I asked why I had to give things up and she didn't
She said it was so that she looked pretty for me
I said that's what the beer was for.

I don't think she's coming back
 
TehMac

TehMac

Diamond Member
Aug 18, 2006
9,976
3
71
Yeah, at first I was going to say L&R ----->

but then I realized how old this was. :p
 
alkemyst

alkemyst

No Lifer
Feb 13, 2001
83,769
19
81
for you fucknuts that cry repost on everything please realize the rest of us have lives and don't read every little thing on the internet.

Take a couple pills if you need too to get through your days, shit get laid or something.

You simply can choose to skip a few threads here and there, you don't have to read everyone.
 
moshquerade

moshquerade

No Lifer
Nov 1, 2001
61,504
12
56
Originally posted by: alkemyst
for you fucknuts that cry repost on everything please realize the rest of us have lives and don't read every little thing on the internet.

Take a couple pills if you need too to get through your days, shit get laid or something.

You simply can choose to skip a few threads here and there, you don't have to read everyone.
Click to expand...
somebody call the waaaaaaaaaambulance. :confused:

look, i posted a joke today and got all kinds of booooooourns. who cares. deal with it. it's the internet. stop being a whiny baby.
 
T

thecrecarc

Diamond Member
Aug 17, 2004
3,364
3
0
Originally posted by: alkemyst
for you fucknuts that cry repost on everything please realize the rest of us have lives and don't read every little thing on the internet.

Take a couple pills if you need too to get through your days, shit get laid or something.

You simply can choose to skip a few threads here and there, you don't have to read everyone.
Click to expand...

I think you should take those pills...
 
alkemyst

alkemyst

No Lifer
Feb 13, 2001
83,769
19
81
Originally posted by: moshquerade
Originally posted by: alkemyst
for you fucknuts that cry repost on everything please realize the rest of us have lives and don't read every little thing on the internet.

Take a couple pills if you need too to get through your days, shit get laid or something.

You simply can choose to skip a few threads here and there, you don't have to read everyone.
Click to expand...
somebody call the waaaaaaaaaambulance. :confused:

look, i posted a joke today and got all kinds of booooooourns. who cares. deal with it. it's the internet. stop being a whiny baby.
Click to expand...

Who's whining? Simply making a statement to help people like you get through their days easier.

I think you need to find a guy though...it's like 100% of your night life is spent here.

 
moshquerade

moshquerade

No Lifer
Nov 1, 2001
61,504
12
56
Originally posted by: alkemyst
Originally posted by: moshquerade
Originally posted by: alkemyst
for you fucknuts that cry repost on everything please realize the rest of us have lives and don't read every little thing on the internet.

Take a couple pills if you need too to get through your days, shit get laid or something.

You simply can choose to skip a few threads here and there, you don't have to read everyone.
Click to expand...
somebody call the waaaaaaaaaambulance. :confused:

look, i posted a joke today and got all kinds of booooooourns. who cares. deal with it. it's the internet. stop being a whiny baby.
Click to expand...

Who's whining? Simply making a statement to help people like you get through their days easier.
Click to expand...
you are. as per usual.

I think you need to find a guy though...it's like 100% of your night life is spent here.
Click to expand...
to be able to make that observation you must be here just as much.
how about tending to your wife for a change?

 
alkemyst

alkemyst

No Lifer
Feb 13, 2001
83,769
19
81
Actually no, I can see by thread posts. Most of mine came from working from home for a few years. You didn't see me here outside that when I was single.

My wife is fine though, she does the TV thing; I don't.

Keep telling yourself whatever it takes to make you think you are a real woman though.
 
S

Saint Michael

Golden Member
Aug 4, 2007
1,877
1
0
Originally posted by: moshquerade
Originally posted by: alkemyst
for you fucknuts that cry repost on everything please realize the rest of us have lives and don't read every little thing on the internet.

Take a couple pills if you need too to get through your days, shit get laid or something.

You simply can choose to skip a few threads here and there, you don't have to read everyone.
Click to expand...
somebody call the waaaaaaaaaambulance. :confused:

look, i posted a joke today and got all kinds of booooooourns. who cares. deal with it. it's the internet. stop being a whiny baby.
Click to expand...

Only your post smacks of whining, his was just a "fuck off".
 
zinfamous

zinfamous

No Lifer
Jul 12, 2006
111,904
31,425
146
Originally posted by: alkemyst
for you fucknuts that cry repost on everything please realize the rest of us have lives and don't read every little thing on the internet.

Take a couple pills if you need too to get through your days, shit get laid or something.

You simply can choose to skip a few threads here and there, you don't have to read everyone.
Click to expand...

I find great irony in this rant when looking at your post count.
 
S

Sqube

Diamond Member
Dec 23, 2004
3,078
1
0
We all enjoy the joke, but this is ATOT. Do you think they'll ever miss an opportunity to ridicule and scorn someone? Of course not. As long as you've been here, I'm astounded that you took it to heart like that.
 
Jeff7

Jeff7

Lifer
Jan 4, 2001
41,596
20
81
Originally posted by: Sqube
We all enjoy the joke, but this is ATOT. Do you think they'll ever miss an opportunity to ridicule and scorn someone? Of course not. As long as you've been here, I'm astounded that you took it to heart like that.
Click to expand...
That's what makes the e-mailed-joke-threads worth it. ;)

FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! WOOOOO! To the Mosh pit, everyone! Wait, that didn't sound right.
 
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