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Why am I so ridiculously unphotogenic... (plus pics of GF)

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Who took those last two pics? What lens are you using on that camera? It's obviously a dslr with a large lens because the on camera flash is not tall enough to clear the lens (the lens is casting a shadow in your pics). The first thing you need is an external flash.

As for your other question...I can't help you there. Maybe lose some weight?
 
I'm the same way...hate pictures of myself. One thing to do to help is practice taking pictures in from of a camera with a timer. See what you think of different expressions, and practice them
 
nah dude u look fine, id say you look better with out the eye brow piercing as well. (thats unless you already got rid of it)

and the GF IST TEH HAWTNESS!
 
meh, i've taken worse pics than those, I think alot of us have. gain a little more self confidence, accept that fact that your GF likes your uglyness, and move on in life

😛
 
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