UNCjigga
Lifer
It all started when around 7:20 I hopped into my car for a necessary trip to the grocery store. Ho-hum, boring, just another chance for me to question why the homely middle-aged housewife ahead in line *really* needs a cucumber that big. But before I even leave my neighborhood, nay, as I'm waiting to make a left turn out, a brand-spanking-new Lamborghini Gallardo comes screaming down the hill. The tight lines and garish edges are unmistakable...this is one of the most recognizable supercars on the road. The driver squeezes ever so gently on the brakes, and the raging bull responds by dropping from 70+ to around 40 in an instant, and it turns into the neighborhood as if it were on rails (no squealing). The car is even more stunning in person, and doesn't appear bloated like its older brother (Murcielago...even the name is bloated.) I definately like it better than the Modena, though the Challenge Stradale pwns this bizzitch. My only lament is that the driver chose to adorn his bull in silver. Silver. When did you ever see a silver Gallardo on a magazine cover??? This car was meant to be ordered in neon green, sunburst orange or Code Fvcking Red!!
But I digress. Anyways, after buying some cheap water at Staples and stopping for a Tall Mocha Frappacino to slake my thirst, I head to Harris Teeter (Hairy Teats as the young'uns know it.) Dutch-owned grocery store chain...don't ask. As I'm browsing for produce I come across what is arguably the LAMEST USE OF GENETIC CROP ENGINEERING YET. Tucked right in between the broccoli and cauliflower are some fresh 'broccoflowers'. Just think of the name and the appearance is exactly what you'd expect...a cauliflower with green flowers instead of the customary white ones. Why?? You take two lame vegetables and breed them together...you're still gonna end up with a lame vegetable!!! What would anyone use this for?
Of course, my chagrin is fleeting because as I look up I see a heavenly sight. Standing next to me, picking up some iceberg lettuce, is Jessica Alba. She seems unaware that my jaw has just dropped below my navel and I am slightly slobbering. Was that her Gallardo?, I think to myself. Couldn't be...that car was going into the neighborhood as I was leaving. Closer inspection reveals that she is not, in fact, Jessica Alba, but a dead ringer. Her eyes were a bit smaller and more Oriental (though at first glance she doesn't look Asian at all.) She's also a bit too young...more like Jessica Alba pre-'Dark Angel'. Jailbait if you ask me...couldn't be more than 16. Its around this time that I look past her and her cart and notice an older woman with her, presumably mom, looking back at me with a stern look on her face. Time to go looking for the sugar in Aisle 3. As I was leaving the produce section, I took one look back to see if she needed any cucumbers...
I apologize if this post seems a bit bloggish or if you could care less, but as you can see, I'm 996 (PORSCHE!) posts away from being a Certified Nef anyway.
Last of all, let me apologize for the lack of pics in this thread. I offer you this as a poor substitute. Hopefully this is reward enough for reading all of that. Best. Alba Movie. Ever. Until. Nude scenes.
Cliff's Notes--there are none. See the topic summary, wankers.
But I digress. Anyways, after buying some cheap water at Staples and stopping for a Tall Mocha Frappacino to slake my thirst, I head to Harris Teeter (Hairy Teats as the young'uns know it.) Dutch-owned grocery store chain...don't ask. As I'm browsing for produce I come across what is arguably the LAMEST USE OF GENETIC CROP ENGINEERING YET. Tucked right in between the broccoli and cauliflower are some fresh 'broccoflowers'. Just think of the name and the appearance is exactly what you'd expect...a cauliflower with green flowers instead of the customary white ones. Why?? You take two lame vegetables and breed them together...you're still gonna end up with a lame vegetable!!! What would anyone use this for?
Of course, my chagrin is fleeting because as I look up I see a heavenly sight. Standing next to me, picking up some iceberg lettuce, is Jessica Alba. She seems unaware that my jaw has just dropped below my navel and I am slightly slobbering. Was that her Gallardo?, I think to myself. Couldn't be...that car was going into the neighborhood as I was leaving. Closer inspection reveals that she is not, in fact, Jessica Alba, but a dead ringer. Her eyes were a bit smaller and more Oriental (though at first glance she doesn't look Asian at all.) She's also a bit too young...more like Jessica Alba pre-'Dark Angel'. Jailbait if you ask me...couldn't be more than 16. Its around this time that I look past her and her cart and notice an older woman with her, presumably mom, looking back at me with a stern look on her face. Time to go looking for the sugar in Aisle 3. As I was leaving the produce section, I took one look back to see if she needed any cucumbers...
I apologize if this post seems a bit bloggish or if you could care less, but as you can see, I'm 996 (PORSCHE!) posts away from being a Certified Nef anyway.
Last of all, let me apologize for the lack of pics in this thread. I offer you this as a poor substitute. Hopefully this is reward enough for reading all of that. Best. Alba Movie. Ever. Until. Nude scenes.
Cliff's Notes--there are none. See the topic summary, wankers.
