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Who is the most desperate guy on the planet? This guy.

B

blackdogdeek

Lifer
Nothing good can come of this.

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/wan/2819375663.html

I *desperately* need to learn about football between now and next week's Super Bowl game. Preferably from someone who was a quarterback in college or the pros, but at the very least someone who knows a lot about quarterbacks.

My girlfriend and I were just invited to a Super Bowl party at her ex-boyfriend's apartment, and to be honest, last time I met him he told me he played football in college and I responded that I did as well --which was a lie.

I don't know why I lied, I guess I just panicked and wanted to impress my girlfriend. Anyway. He asked me what position I played and I told him I played quarterback because that was really the only position I'd heard of.

I really don't know anything about football except for the fact that touchdowns how you score points and sometimes you kick the ball. I've been reading articles on ESPN.com and watching clips online but I don't think it's going to prepare me for questions about actually playing it, or for making good comments during the game. So I need someone who can *quickly* teach me about all of things I would have learned playing football as well as what to say about it.

This person MUST be available each day between now and the Super Bowl game (February 5, 2012), some time between 7-9pm on weekdays or afternoons on Saturday.

This is really important to me. I think my girlfriend still really likes her ex and when we first started dating she cheated on me a few times with him, so I really can't risk looking like an idiot in front of both of them.

Oh, also, her ex played "linebacker." Should I know a lot about playing "linebacker" too? Do quarterbacks normally know about that? I definitely will need to learn all the positions and what they do, but it might help for me to learn something from a "linebacker," if you know one.

Seriously, this is really important. My girlfriend and I are going through a bit of a rough patch now and she keeps threatening to move out. I'm afraid if I get caught lying about this our relationship is over.

I'm offering $500, but would be willing to go higher if you're an actual college or professional football quarterback, and would pay extra if you knew a linebacker you could bring along to teach me about his position.

And if you would be willing to text me good comments to say during the game, I'd to pay you an extra $100 for that. Maybe more if they're good comments.

Please contact me IMMEDIATELY via email if interested.
Click to expand...
 
This is really important to me. I think my girlfriend still really likes her ex and when we first started dating she cheated on me a few times with him, so I really can't risk looking like an idiot in front of both of them.
Click to expand...

Must be a manlet.
 
Thats dumb. No man with any balls lets his gf cheat. Real men throw girls like that to the curb.

Plus this pussy is still in contact with him and is going over to their stupid football game.

Beta to the max.
 
Someone here should troll him by responding and going along with the whole thing, just to publicize more info about the guy on the internet.
 
This is really important to me. I think my girlfriend still really likes her ex and when we first started dating she cheated on me a few times with him, so I really can't risk looking like an idiot in front of both of them.
Click to expand...

Cause, you know, hanging around with your girlfriends ex, who she banged while you were dating, doesn't make you look like an idiot.
 
To Whom it may concern:
I am very interested in your offer to learn football. While I have never played the quarterback position, I do have many years of experience at wide receiver.
PS your payment amounts seem MORE than reasonable.

Respectfully,
Terrell Owens. (T.O)
 
ksheets said:
To Whom it may concern:
I am very interested in your offer to learn football. While I have never played the quarterback position, I do have many years of experience at wide receiver.
PS your payment amounts seem MORE than reasonable.

Respectfully,
Terrell Owens. (T.O)
Click to expand...

😀

ouch!
 
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