Monel Funkawitz
Diamond Member
Gardening? 😀
You get a bug up your butt to get it ready for spring. You go get the tractor, to find out it has no diesel. You fill it up, to find out the funnel has a hole in it. You go to get more diesel, because you spilled 1/3rd on the ground and all over the side of the tractor, and 5/8ths on your legs. The you go to start it, and the battery is dead because you left it on the last time you used it. You hook up the charger, and in the time it takes to charge, you clean the mouse nests out of the air cleaner. You go to start it to find the battery is no good. You go get a new battery, and fire up the tractor. You spend an hour hooking up the plows, because you left them outside last year, and they sunk three feet in the ground. You get them hooked up, to realize the fuel line is cracked, and most of the fuel you put in is on the ground. You go get another 10 gallons (Hole in funnel, remember?) and forget the new line. You go back out and get new fuel line, to get the wrong size. You get the right size, and forget hose clamps. You go get hose clamps, and break the fuel bowl in the process of putting the new line on. You get a new fuel bowl.
After a long time, you finally get out to the garden area. You start plowing, only to fight it the whole time, because it is too damn wet to plow. After plowing a garden that resembles a crop circle, you disk it, and go get the rototiller. You change the oil on the tiller, change the plug, and fire it up. After the smoke clears, and you hit the engage lever,you realize it ain't moving. You go out to get a new belt, to get the size that is one size too big. You go back and get the right size. In the process, you rip off the carb and clean it, and paint the muffler (For no damn reason. I got bored)
After shaking your teeth loose and causing you to be half deaf, you realize
A) When you bought the used tiller, they forgot to give you the depth tine that controls how deep the tiller tills. You fight it the whole time. You park it, and realize your hands are numb, your back hurts, and you can't hear a damn thing.
You go to get the bag of lime from last year, only to realize you left it on the ground (Dirt floor in barn) and the bag fell apart. You go get the wheelbarrow, to find the tire is flat. You fill up the tire, to have it explode (It dry rotted) You go get a new tire. You load the remainder of the lime in the wheelbarrow, along with about 15lb of fertilizer. You go to wheel it out to the garden, and when you lift up you hear SNAP! and all the sudden the wheelbarrow gets real light. You go get new handles for the wheelbarrow, to find the metal is rotting out too, so you take them back and get a new wheelbarrow. You put it together, and realize they forgot a 3/8X2" bolt. Of course the local tractor store is out, so you treck to Lowes. You get the wheelbarrow together, and transfer the mix from the old to the new one. You look at the old wheelbarrow that caused you the grief, and you go in the house, grab an AK and a 75 round drum, and proceed to blast about 500 rounds at the damn thing. You realize at the 500th round, you forgot to take your toolbox out of it. You cry as your Snap On portable toolbox looks like a training tool for high school metal shop to teach hole drilling. You get out to the garden, and remember you are suppose to put lime/fertilizer on first, THEN disk/till. You spread the lime/fertilizer mix my hand, go get the tractor to disk again, and you realize you lost your hitch pin. Back to the tractor store to get a new hitch pin. Back to the tractor store AGAIN because you forgot your checkbook there.
Half way back, you get a cell call to get milk and bread. Turn back the FVCK around. Get bread and milk. On the way back home you say to yourself "what the HELL am I doing?"
Screw it. I'll buy damn vegetables. I can't believe people do this chit for fun. :| 😀
You get a bug up your butt to get it ready for spring. You go get the tractor, to find out it has no diesel. You fill it up, to find out the funnel has a hole in it. You go to get more diesel, because you spilled 1/3rd on the ground and all over the side of the tractor, and 5/8ths on your legs. The you go to start it, and the battery is dead because you left it on the last time you used it. You hook up the charger, and in the time it takes to charge, you clean the mouse nests out of the air cleaner. You go to start it to find the battery is no good. You go get a new battery, and fire up the tractor. You spend an hour hooking up the plows, because you left them outside last year, and they sunk three feet in the ground. You get them hooked up, to realize the fuel line is cracked, and most of the fuel you put in is on the ground. You go get another 10 gallons (Hole in funnel, remember?) and forget the new line. You go back out and get new fuel line, to get the wrong size. You get the right size, and forget hose clamps. You go get hose clamps, and break the fuel bowl in the process of putting the new line on. You get a new fuel bowl.
After a long time, you finally get out to the garden area. You start plowing, only to fight it the whole time, because it is too damn wet to plow. After plowing a garden that resembles a crop circle, you disk it, and go get the rototiller. You change the oil on the tiller, change the plug, and fire it up. After the smoke clears, and you hit the engage lever,you realize it ain't moving. You go out to get a new belt, to get the size that is one size too big. You go back and get the right size. In the process, you rip off the carb and clean it, and paint the muffler (For no damn reason. I got bored)
After shaking your teeth loose and causing you to be half deaf, you realize
A) When you bought the used tiller, they forgot to give you the depth tine that controls how deep the tiller tills. You fight it the whole time. You park it, and realize your hands are numb, your back hurts, and you can't hear a damn thing.
You go to get the bag of lime from last year, only to realize you left it on the ground (Dirt floor in barn) and the bag fell apart. You go get the wheelbarrow, to find the tire is flat. You fill up the tire, to have it explode (It dry rotted) You go get a new tire. You load the remainder of the lime in the wheelbarrow, along with about 15lb of fertilizer. You go to wheel it out to the garden, and when you lift up you hear SNAP! and all the sudden the wheelbarrow gets real light. You go get new handles for the wheelbarrow, to find the metal is rotting out too, so you take them back and get a new wheelbarrow. You put it together, and realize they forgot a 3/8X2" bolt. Of course the local tractor store is out, so you treck to Lowes. You get the wheelbarrow together, and transfer the mix from the old to the new one. You look at the old wheelbarrow that caused you the grief, and you go in the house, grab an AK and a 75 round drum, and proceed to blast about 500 rounds at the damn thing. You realize at the 500th round, you forgot to take your toolbox out of it. You cry as your Snap On portable toolbox looks like a training tool for high school metal shop to teach hole drilling. You get out to the garden, and remember you are suppose to put lime/fertilizer on first, THEN disk/till. You spread the lime/fertilizer mix my hand, go get the tractor to disk again, and you realize you lost your hitch pin. Back to the tractor store to get a new hitch pin. Back to the tractor store AGAIN because you forgot your checkbook there.
Half way back, you get a cell call to get milk and bread. Turn back the FVCK around. Get bread and milk. On the way back home you say to yourself "what the HELL am I doing?"
Screw it. I'll buy damn vegetables. I can't believe people do this chit for fun. :| 😀
