Which would you find more attractive in a mate

[Zysoclaplem]

If you had to pick one, which would you pick.
Each have their advantaged and disadvantages.

 

[MartyMcFly3]

Why would I want someone who's cold and affectionless? I can get that from my refridgerator.

 

[PHiuR]

aren't we as humans programmed to find someone more attractive when they show us affection and love and loyalty?

 

[aidanjm]

Which one are you, Zysoclaplem?

 

[Zysoclaplem]

Originally posted by: PHiuR
aren't we as humans programmed to find someone more attractive when they show us affection and love and loyalty?

You would think so.

 

[Patt]

Obviously, the second choice. Happiness in a mate makes all the difference. When you come second best to someone's career, you're setting yourself up for failure.

 

[BrokenVisage]

This poll is flawed.

 

[Zysoclaplem]

Originally posted by: aidanjm
Which one are you, Zysoclaplem?

Oh I am very loving and loyal and overall I just want my so to be happy. I mean I have ambition, but I am not cold.

 

[Atomicus]

Originally posted by: MartyMcFly3
Why would I want someone who's cold and affectionless? I can get that from my refridgerator.

Sounds like your fridge is out of :beer: :brokenheart:

 

[clamum]

Option 2 no question about it.

 

[Zysoclaplem]

Originally posted by: BrokenVisage
This poll is flawed.

No, it's not. Humans are flawed, my poll is perfect.

 

[DragonMasterAlex]

Originally posted by: MartyMcFly3
Why would I want someone who's cold and affectionless? I can get that from my refridgerator.

Ideally you'd want your warm and friendly wife to also have drive and ambition, though. If it were the choice between the two, I'd go with the cold one who's ambitious, because you could certainly warm her up

Jason

 

[Zysoclaplem]

Originally posted by: MartyMcFly3
Why would I want someone who's cold and affectionless? I can get that from my refridgerator.

Not cold and affectionless all the time. Just alot of the time.

 

[PrinceofWands]

Actually I don't see a single redeeming quality in the first option. That's everything irrelevant, and nothing important.

 

[MartyMcFly3]

Originally posted by: Atomicus

Originally posted by: MartyMcFly3
Why would I want someone who's cold and affectionless? I can get that from my refridgerator.

Sounds like your fridge is out of :beer: :brokenheart:

No it's not. But the beer is giving the affection, not the Refridgerator.

 

[bigrash]

Originally posted by: clamum
Option 2 no question about it.

 

[ironcrotch]

whoever has the biggest peni.... i mean boobs

 

[Zysoclaplem]

The reason I posted this is I was talking to my ex, and he said that I was nice person, loving and loyal and all, but I didn't have the ambition and drive for success and that's what he finds attractive. And that's fine.
So he started dating someone who works at Home Depot who is skinnier, younger and better looking...lol. But in home depot boy's defense he is going to school. And I am not right now. But will be in the spring.
Life is crazy sometimes.

 

[spaceman]

its all about the heart.

 

[aidanjm]

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
The reason I posted this is I was talking to my ex, and he said that I was nice person, loving and loyal and all, but I didn't have the ambition and drive for success and that's what he finds attractive. And that's fine.
So he started dating someone who works at Home Depot who is skinnier, younger and better looking...lol. But in home depot boy's defense he is going to school. And I am not right now. But will be in the spring.
Life is crazy sometimes.

was your ex cold and not affectionate?

 

[Zeeky Boogy Doog]

second one, i plan to make plenty of money for the both of us, so she can do whatever she wants

 

[Zysoclaplem]

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
The reason I posted this is I was talking to my ex, and he said that I was nice person, loving and loyal and all, but I didn't have the ambition and drive for success and that's what he finds attractive. And that's fine.
So he started dating someone who works at Home Depot who is skinnier, younger and better looking...lol. But in home depot boy's defense he is going to school. And I am not right now. But will be in the spring.
Life is crazy sometimes.

was your ex cold and not affectionate?

In a way yes. I won't make excuses, but it's just the way his family is. It's the way he was raised and I understand that. I took the good with the bad because its not his fault.
I'm not putting him down because everyone is different, but I won't pretend it didn't upset me.
He never wanted to hold hands and god forbid I touch him in public. He was more interested in work than me.
He never did anything romantic or sweet unless I told him to, and even then it hardly ever happened. He never said I love you and we only hugged when I hugged him.
Yet for some odd reason beyond me I really loved him.

 

[aidanjm]

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
The reason I posted this is I was talking to my ex, and he said that I was nice person, loving and loyal and all, but I didn't have the ambition and drive for success and that's what he finds attractive. And that's fine.
So he started dating someone who works at Home Depot who is skinnier, younger and better looking...lol. But in home depot boy's defense he is going to school. And I am not right now. But will be in the spring.
Life is crazy sometimes.

was your ex cold and not affectionate?

In a way yes. I won't make excuses, but it's just the way his family is. It's the way he was raised and I understand that. I took the good with the bad because its not his fault.
I'm not putting him down because everyone is different, but I won't pretend it didn't upset me.
He never wanted to hold hands and god forbid I touch him in public. He was more interested in work than me.
He never did anything romantic or sweet unless I told him to, and even then it hardly ever happened. He never said I love you and we only hugged when I hugged him.
Yet for some odd reason beyond me I really loved him.

Hope you find someone who appreciates you.

 

[Zysoclaplem]

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
The reason I posted this is I was talking to my ex, and he said that I was nice person, loving and loyal and all, but I didn't have the ambition and drive for success and that's what he finds attractive. And that's fine.
So he started dating someone who works at Home Depot who is skinnier, younger and better looking...lol. But in home depot boy's defense he is going to school. And I am not right now. But will be in the spring.
Life is crazy sometimes.

was your ex cold and not affectionate?

In a way yes. I won't make excuses, but it's just the way his family is. It's the way he was raised and I understand that. I took the good with the bad because its not his fault.
I'm not putting him down because everyone is different, but I won't pretend it didn't upset me.
He never wanted to hold hands and god forbid I touch him in public. He was more interested in work than me.
He never did anything romantic or sweet unless I told him to, and even then it hardly ever happened. He never said I love you and we only hugged when I hugged him.
Yet for some odd reason beyond me I really loved him.

Hope you find someone who appreciates you.

You and me both.

 

[PrinceofWands]

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem

Originally posted by: aidanjm

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
The reason I posted this is I was talking to my ex, and he said that I was nice person, loving and loyal and all, but I didn't have the ambition and drive for success and that's what he finds attractive. And that's fine.
So he started dating someone who works at Home Depot who is skinnier, younger and better looking...lol. But in home depot boy's defense he is going to school. And I am not right now. But will be in the spring.
Life is crazy sometimes.

was your ex cold and not affectionate?

In a way yes. I won't make excuses, but it's just the way his family is. It's the way he was raised and I understand that. I took the good with the bad because its not his fault.
I'm not putting him down because everyone is different, but I won't pretend it didn't upset me.
He never wanted to hold hands and god forbid I touch him in public. He was more interested in work than me.
He never did anything romantic or sweet unless I told him to, and even then it hardly ever happened. He never said I love you and we only hugged when I hugged him.
Yet for some odd reason beyond me I really loved him.

I was in a very similar situation with my gf. VERY. Fortunately because I understood that going in (and the way her personality dealt with the psychology of it) I was able to act accordingly and things have steadily improved. I've seen enormous changes in her over the years, and while she'll never be 'as' cuddly or romantic as I am it's a good relationship now (and still getting better). Part of what had to happen was for me to adapt as well as her. I had to become more focused, more responsible and dependable. People with her (and apparantly your bf's) personalities really NEED that as much as you and I need the caresses and whispered words. I had to accept that I'd need to establish a lasting career capable of supporting us comfortably. Without that, she'd feel that she had to do it and that would prevent her from opening up and relaxing more into the 'classically female' role (not that I need it to be sexist, I would have been perfectly happy staying home with the kids while she worked, since she can earn more than I can). Her and I are nearly opposite personality types, despite are extreme similarities in other ways (interests, humor and such). Opposites like us CAN attract, but to become stable relationships takes a lot of work.

I notice you mentioned a couple times things like 'it's not his fault' and 'it's the way he was raised''. That suggests to me that you are blaming something or someone for the situation and that may not be entirely accurate or healthy for you. It's true that he's not doing anything wrong, just different than you...but I'm guessing you blame his parents or environment (or maybe even his psychological dispositions) for making him different than what you consider the acceptable human 'norms'. This is simply untrue. The fact is that people are honestly inherently different and there is no right or wrong to it. That's a terribly hard thing to truly come to grips with (I know it was for me). I only mention it because in my case it caused me a lot of pain until I accepted it and I don't wish the same for anyone else.

If you haven't ever learned about it may I suggest that you study personality. A solid understanding of psychological development, personality variances, motivational factors and so on allowed me to finally understand myself and those around me. It's fairly easy stuff (as psych research goes) and often fun. I'd start with Keirsey/Meyers/Briggs temperament and then get into developmental models (erikson, kohlberg, kegan, piaget, etc) and also some motivation stuff (maslow comes to mind). These things REALLY helped me understand others (and myself) a lot more and improved a lot of my relationships.

Hope you're doing well with all this. Take care.