When you go to wedding receptions...

[Glavinsolo]

I'm trying to make the most unique and formal reception on a budget of 10k, with the help of my fiancee of course, I'd like to correct all the common mistakes at wedding receptions since this of course is what most people remember.

What do you hate the most? like songs, cash bars, bad music, no live music, food sucked, other
what would you change

What do you remember the most?

Did you prefer going to the receptions at hotels, restaraunts, country clubs, wineries, other

How much do you think they spent on the wedding reception when you go to them


-My ideas and correct me if you have an alternate view
1) Music will include - (A harpist for 1 hour at the beginning, open bar, hourderves)
(DJ for 3hours - 1 hour of light music for dinner, 2 hours of regular dance music)
(DJ will be informed not to take any requests that our outside of what we have given him which = no chicken dance, YMCA, etc)
2) Food will either be a buffet or sit down, not certain on this (Which do you prefer)
3) Currently I would like to have the reception at a winery with local caterers
4) Drinks will be an open bar for 4 hours including top shelf liquor, wine will be served to those sitting
5) still brainstorming on where to have it (outside, inside, garden, etc.)

 

[CStan]

I've been to a lot of weddings, although ALL of them were done in a Polish style. However I still believe that my opinion on some aspects will be valid.

All the weddings I've been to had a live band, so I can't comment on how a DJ would do. THe band is always able to coordinate the night, to have certain events and stuff happen (ie throwing the beauquet, etc).

For food, I think a sit down meal would be better, nothing worse than long lines, food running out etc. Just put a plate of every item on each table and let people take their own food without getting up. Later on in the night, a "cold buffet" is great, with dips and seafood and other desserts and stuff like that.

If possible, I reccomend an open bar ALL night long. If you want top shelf, have that for a limited time, but lesser booze all night.

A winery sounds like a good place. I've never been to an outside wedding, although you would have to deal with potential rain.

You can save money by doing a lot of things yourself. Centrepieces and those souveniers you give to everyone as you walk in can be made yourself. THe wedding I went to most recently bought their own liquor and just hired some bartenders, instead of using the hall's service.

Also: 10k for how many people?

 

[Kelemvor]

It all depend son the number of people you will be inviting which I don't see mentioend in your post. SO I'll go off of a "normal" wedding with 100-200 guests.

The "Standard" is to have an open bar including Soda, Beer, and Wine. You could step up a notch and include non-name brand alcohol for mixed drinks as well btu that's not as common. The less guests the more you can have for free and still not have supper high costs.

Best part for a DJ is to have 2 DJs. That way one can be tlaking and working with the crowd while the other is working the songs. But evne if there's just one, go to see a couple in action and pick someone with a lot of personal energy because they will pass that on to the crowd. Live music can be fine but it depend son the crows you will have their and what they will like. As I'm sorry but the Chicken Dance or YMCA are pretty much standard fair at a Wedding. Telling a DJ to not take requests is lame. Everyone has different tastes and you aren't going to appeal to everyone if you force them to only listen to what you want them to. It's supposed to be a fun, lively occassion and those types of things always go over well.

Most receptiosn are in somewhere that has a banquet hall. Doesn't normally matter if it's a hotel, country club, etc. But they should have experience in that sort of thing and not have their own list of Rules that You have to follow. It's your Wedding and they should do what you ask them to.

EDIT: Forgot the food part. I would recommend NOT a buffet. I would either do a sit-down meal or have Stations. Station meals are becoming more and more popular and are basically a combination of sit down and buffet. You basically have 4 or 5 food areas stationed around the room and people cna go up to whichever ones they want. Could have the beef/meat station, the soup/salad station, a seafood station, the dessert station, etc. That way not everyone is in one big-ass line but they are free to go get more when they want to.

 

[kranky]

Personally, I think most of that stuff is highly overrated.

Give me a decent meal, a couple beers, a competent DJ, and don't make me drive an hour to get there, and in my mind it was a great reception. I spend my time talking with friends/family anyway.

Here's the great conundrum - if you try to have a knockout reception that people will remember forever, what really happens is they compare it to even more lavish ones and point out where this one lags.

"Oh, the harpist is nice, but remember when John and Linda had a string quartet? That was really nice."

What do you hate the most? like songs, cash bars, bad music, no live music, food sucked, other
what would you change

What I dislike: Making me pay to park or pay someone to valet my car. Food that is too fancy. A venue that is so upscale I feel uncomfortable even loosening my tie. Open bar, because too many people make it a goal to get trashed on expensive liquor. And I don't want to be driving home around them.

What do you remember the most?

Spending time with family and friends, getting to meet friends and family of the "other side". I pay little or no attention to all the stuff that people agonize about - the centerpieces, the color of the flowers, etc. Nice people and good music is typically what I remember.

Did you prefer going to the receptions at hotels, restaraunts, country clubs, wineries, other

Don't care as long as the above list of dislikes aren't an issue.

How much do you think they spent on the wedding reception when you go to them

I don't think about what people spent, nor do I care. Honestly, I have had the best times at the cheapest ones - rent the fire hall, get a local caterer to bring in the standards (fried chicken, rigatoni, stuffed cabbage, etc.), have a DJ, and we all have a great time.

Most of the country-club style receptions I have left early. Too stuffy. And most of the time either the bride, the groom, or their families will come around fishing for compliments on the "fabulous" event, and that makes me want to hurl.
"You wouldn't believe how hard it was to get that piano player! He was practically booked a year in advance!"
"We were really worried the flowers weren't going to get here on time. They were flown in from Hawaii and the flight got delayed."

If I'm having a nice time, let me tell you. Don't come up and tell me how much of a chore it was so you can fish for compliments.

 

[spacelord]

I agree about the NO CHICKEN DANCE rule. We had that rule at our wedding.

I like receptions at Hotels when I am an out of towner. Its really nice to be able to go party and be overserved at the open bar.. and stagger up to my room.

Sitdown dinners are prefered. I dislike standing in a line to get my food. Especially when you are the last table to go to the buffet.. everyone else is done eating, getting ready to party, and you're still waiting for some mostacolli.

 

[pulsedrive]

Jesus it never ceases to amaze me what people will spend on ONE day. *shakes head* Yes, it is an important day, but you should NEVER go into debt for a wedding, now if you just happen to have this cash and want to blow it, feel free, but remember it is ONE day.

 

[Kelemvor]

Originally posted by: kranky

How much do you think they spent on the wedding reception when you go to them

I don't think about what people spent, nor do I care.

I totally agree with this point. It makes no difference how much money you spend. Some peopel waste money on frivolous things and spend a fortune. Some people have different tastes and get things at discounts or on sale and have a beautiful reception for 1/3 of the price.

It doesn't matter what someone spends as long as everyone is having a good time. If you spend too much it jsut make sit look like you'r etrying too hard to impress people by throwing some huge, lavish gathering.

My wife has planned weddings from $10k to $40k+ and they all turned out beautiful and everyone had a great time.

 

[QED]

How long is the wedding reception going to be?

I really hate receptions that last all day.

Make it a two or three hour event TOPS. Enough time for a little socializing and hor's d'ouvres, then a sitdown meal, then a toast, then cutting the cake, then dessert, then a few dances for the bride and groom, bride and father, etc. Then toss the bouqet, and take off for your honeymoon....

 

[CStan]

Originally posted by: pulsedrive
Jesus it never ceases to amaze me what people will spend on ONE day. *shakes head* Yes, it is an important day, but you should NEVER go into debt for a wedding, now if you just happen to have this cash and want to blow it, feel free, but remember it is ONE day.

Remember though, all the gifts and cash the bride and groom recieve. Better give the guests a good party to make the gift worth it, so to speak. Most weddings recover the costs at least, and a lot make a profit.

 

[James3shin]

Hate loud, abnoxious b!tches in the ceremony (i.e. brides maids and so on), couldn't stomach the groom and bride going down each others throat at the main table while everyone was watching (no class/respect, like they couldn't wait til the honeymoon or something), after all that, have good food, and you'll be alright. Oh live music is better then "DJ's"...my 2 cents.

 

[teddyv]

Why not get married at 11am and have an afternoon reception? They are far less expensive and allow you to take advantage of outdoor settings (with an indoor backup for inclement weather.) If you are going for an evening reception/dinner you will either have to spend the money or be remembered for not spending the money.

 

[Dr. Detroit]

No idea how many people you plan on inviting but $10K is not going to even get you close to what you want, well unless only 30 people show up.

Realsitically your looking at $20K for what you want if you have 100 people attend. Food & Drinks is going be at least $50/head

 

[Tifababy]

Originally posted by: pulsedrive
Jesus it never ceases to amaze me what people will spend on ONE day. *shakes head* Yes, it is an important day, but you should NEVER go into debt for a wedding, now if you just happen to have this cash and want to blow it, feel free, but remember it is ONE day.

We spent (or should I say my father-in-law spent) spent quite a bit on our wedding. But everyone thought it was well worth it. Unfortunately, my father-in-law had a stroke 2 months after our wedding and passed away. So the last time he saw most of his friends and family was at our wedding. It was his day to be an awesome host and make sure everyone had a great time. Everyone has told us that our wedding was the most fun wedding they've been to in a long time. It definitely wasn't the most expensive, but it wasn't cheap either.

The band or DJ is probably the most important part of the reception. If the DJ is terrible then there is no energy and no one will be dancing. At two of my cousin's weddings 90% of the guests were the same, but at one wedding everyone went home after 1-2 hours. At the other they had to kick us out after 4 hours.

I've had equally good buffet and sit down dinners, dont' really prefer one over the other. But an open bar should be required. Even if it's just beer and wine.

We also chose to have our wedding at a hotel so out of town guests could drink as much as they wanted without having to worry about driving anywhere.

 

[kranky]

Originally posted by: CStan

Originally posted by: pulsedrive
Jesus it never ceases to amaze me what people will spend on ONE day. *shakes head* Yes, it is an important day, but you should NEVER go into debt for a wedding, now if you just happen to have this cash and want to blow it, feel free, but remember it is ONE day.

Remember though, all the gifts and cash the bride and groom recieve. Better give the guests a good party to make the gift worth it, so to speak. Most weddings recover the costs at least, and a lot make a profit.

I guess if you look at a wedding as a profit-making operation, that makes sense. You can increase your profits by just inviting rich people, and having a cheap affair. I don't know a single person who bases their gift on whether it is a "good party" or not, or whether what they spend on the gift somehow "reimburses" the couple for what they spend on the reception.

 

[CStan]

A thing about DJs and bands: almost all of the bands that performed at weddings I've been to were hired because the bride and groom had a great time at another wedding when they performed. If you hadn't been to many weddings, talk to people who have to get their opinions. Like someone said earlier: the band/dj makes or breaks a wedding. THey provide the energy, so make your choice wisely.

Also my sister's wedding (this past summer) was one of the, if not the best wedding I've been to. THey spent about 22k canadian for about 200 people, but they did the majority of the work themselves. They spent their money where it was most needed (reputable live band, reputable caterer), found a nice hall, and did a lot of the decorating themselves.

 

[CStan]

Originally posted by: kranky

Originally posted by: CStan

Originally posted by: pulsedrive
Jesus it never ceases to amaze me what people will spend on ONE day. *shakes head* Yes, it is an important day, but you should NEVER go into debt for a wedding, now if you just happen to have this cash and want to blow it, feel free, but remember it is ONE day.

Remember though, all the gifts and cash the bride and groom recieve. Better give the guests a good party to make the gift worth it, so to speak. Most weddings recover the costs at least, and a lot make a profit.

I guess if you look at a wedding as a profit-making operation, that makes sense. You can increase your profits by just inviting rich people, and having a cheap affair. I don't know a single person who bases their gift on whether it is a "good party" or not, or whether what they spend on the gift somehow "reimburses" the couple for what they spend on the reception.

I knew that came out kind of wrong. What I mean is that people will be giving generous gifts, so the couples job is to make sure they have a great time.

 

[ggnl]

This may just be a personal quirk, but I HATE wedding DJs. Just hire a good light jazz band for fscks sake.

 

[Jzero]

(DJ will be informed not to take any requests that our outside of what we have given him which = no chicken dance, YMCA, etc)

I went to a wedding like this once. It was awful. Nobody danced, everybody left early.

Chicken Dance, YMCA, Electric Slide are songs that get people out onto the floor and having a good time, with songs requested by the guests running a close second.

The only song we officially blackballed was The Macarena. Anything else was fair game. A good DJ will watch the crowd and see what kind of songs gets them going.

 

[edro]

Open bar is a must. If you are going to make people come to your stupid wedding, at least give them free drinks! (not directed to the OP, just saying it to others)

 

[austin316]

Originally posted by: edro
Open bar is a must. If you are going to make people come to your stupid wedding, at least give them free drinks! (not directed to the OP, just saying it to others)

Suck it up and go open bar and then focus on the music.

Drinks + Good Music + People is almost always a good time.

 

[Glavinsolo]

Sorry I didn't cover that...
175 guests most likely 250 invites

 

[Glavinsolo]

Originally posted by: pulsedrive
Jesus it never ceases to amaze me what people will spend on ONE day. *shakes head* Yes, it is an important day, but you should NEVER go into debt for a wedding, now if you just happen to have this cash and want to blow it, feel free, but remember it is ONE day.

Its an OPM wedding
We are most likely going to up the budget to 20k but we want to be miserly with our first choices and work up from there.

Thanks for all the great recommendations. I think you guys steered me off from a DJ, a live band with a good front man sounds like the ticket.