When you find out your "parents" aren't your real parent.

[thehotsung8701A]

I always knew deep down as a kid that my family isn't my family and we really have nothing in common. It became more clear when my relative couldn't even recognize me and most people don't even know that I am a part of their nationality. Truth be told they are right. Forget the fact my parents aren't my parents, my nationality is not even real.

I'm still trying to comprehend everything that has been happening. Multiple DNA result came back from all the big companies and now I'm in shell shock. And it also leave me very hurt, who are my parents and where do I come from? DNA result show that I range from Russia all the way to Thailand. But Vietnam is not included in any of the DNA test so now I'm wondering what do I do with my life?

I been told all my life I'm pure Vietnamese but I found out I am not even 1% Vietnamese. I don't look Vietnamese at all as well. I never thought I was Vietnamese to be honest. Most white people think I have a mixture of Russian and maybe Japanese/Korean and they are actually right. Most white girls think I'm a hot Korean which they aren't wrong either.

I'm just in a state of shock. What would you do if you found out that not only your family isn't real but your nationality is also a lie? I want to cry right now. I want to know who my real parents are because it hurt to realize after 27 years, your life is a complete lie and I could have been somebody.

Thanks all for reading and commenting. I never even visit this part of the sub-forum but now I'm so lost and confuse, I don't know what to do. I just knew my real family wouldn't have abuse me and neglect me and at least it a relief to know I was meant for something more.

 

[nakedfrog]

I don't even know what my nationality is (white American, there's like German and Scandinavian and some flavor of English, who knows?), if that helps any.
But I'm uncertain why this would leave you wondering what to do with your life? Were your previous life plans hinging entirely on your Vietnamese heritage?

 

[thehotsung8701A]

I don't even know what my nationality is (white American, there's like German and Scandinavian and some flavor of English, who knows?), if that helps any.
But I'm uncertain why this would leave you wondering what to do with your life? Were your previous life plans hinging entirely on your Vietnamese heritage?

Yes it absolutely does. Everything about my life was force on me by my so call "real parents". I didn't want to go to college for example. I had to deal with a strict and religious upbringing that really ruin my life and shape my future.

I also look at my result more closely and even though I range from Russia to Thailand, I am actually from the island of Madagascar (funny eh?) and I am predominantly Indonesian who have left their country and came to Madagascar and looking up picture of Indonesian people I look like them.

 

[SMOGZINN]

Yes it absolutely does. Everything about my life was force on me by my so call "real parents". I didn't want to go to college for example. I had to deal with a strict and religious upbringing that really ruin my life and shape my future.

I also look at my result more closely and even though I range from Russia to Thailand, I am actually from the island of Madagascar (funny eh?) and I am predominantly Indonesian who have left their country and came to Madagascar and looking up picture of Indonesian people I look like them.

Here is everything you need to know. Parents are not just people that contribute genetic material to you. Parents are the people that took the time, energy, and resources to raise you. They are the people that fed and clothed you. They are the people that cared enough about you to want you to go to college, to care about your moral teaching, to want you to have the future they dreamed about.

It does not matter what you look like. You are what you are raised to be. We are more than our genetic heritage, we are a part of a society. We are what we believe.

Your parents didn't ruin you life. They got you to adulthood. If you don't like where you are now, it is in your power to change. Stop looking for something or someone to blame and do something different.

 

[Zivic]

Wouldn't bother me one bit. If you're over 18... And you are, you're your own person and should be making your own choices.

As far as your 'real' parents go, probably better off not knowing the truth. I see that as a no win situation. You obviously are pretty emotionally charged about the situation and I can't envison an scenario that would make you feel good, or even better about your situation.

Be happy you had parents that even cared about whether or not you went to college.

 

[thehotsung8701A]

Wouldn't bother me one bit. If you're over 18... And you are, you're your own person and should be making your own choices.

As far as your 'real' parents go, probably better off not knowing the truth. I see that as a no win situation. You obviously are pretty emotionally charged about the situation and I can't envison an scenario that would make you feel good, or even better about your situation.

Be happy you had parents that even cared about whether or not you went to college.

I gave away the girl of my dream because i thought she was better off with a "white guy" and it turn out I am 26% German and 15% Russian which mean I am 41% white. That a slap in the face.

Reason being is dad gene is more dominate than mom gene so basically my mom is white but my dad is some Asian nationality (believe to be Korean/Japanese) but i have fucking big eyes like white people.

 

[Zivic]

I think you need to do a little soul searching and think about whats important in life. It isn't whether or not you're 41% white... You can blame mom and dad and justify your choices however you like, but they are still your choices.

 

[Red Squirrel]

I can see that being hard to swallow. I really think step parents should explain this to their kids at a young enough age (but old enough to understand) just so they don't grow up in a huge lie.

That said I would not let it ruin your life. Though without being in the situation myself I can see it being stressful just thinking about it and wanting to know who your real parents are etc... but sometimes it might be better off not to know. I'm not sure really. not even sure where is the best place to go if you do want to find out, maybe some kind of family counselling place? They might be able to help you cope with the situation.

But before you do any of that, maybe bring it up with your parents. Perhaps they'll actually open up and tell you more.

 

[thehotsung8701A]

I can see that being hard to swallow. I really think step parents should explain this to their kids at a young enough age (but old enough to understand) just so they don't grow up in a huge lie.

That said I would not let it ruin your life. Though without being in the situation myself I can see it being stressful just thinking about it and wanting to know who your real parents are etc... but sometimes it might be better off not to know. I'm not sure really. not even sure where is the best place to go if you do want to find out, maybe some kind of family counselling place? They might be able to help you cope with the situation.

But before you do any of that, maybe bring it up with your parents. Perhaps they'll actually open up and tell you more.

You guys thank you. Hell a complete broken sentence but fitting since I don't even know my nationality and hopefully in 6th week I will and by some miracle I find my real parents, I'm buying everyone a drink if they visit me I guess. The thing is I'm a tough sob and this thread is the first time I show vulnerability. I hate being lie to. I hate making mistakes and I absolutely hate being unwanted. I am happy you guys don't judge me but if you knew what I suffer through out my life (which is still a secret) you realize how destructive my life has been and how much more I could have been. I could be somebody but no I have a shitty job that pay well but it still a shitty job. I rarely seen the sun since I work night shift and I sleep in the daytime. Hell now that I know who I am not, I think I will change my name to fit my current situation. So without further adoo, I really mean it when you guys care enough to respond to my thread. I mean I been a member here for a very long time and this is the first time I post on a non pc/console sub topic.

 

[Sheep221]

As long a family you grew up in was nice to you, and supported you till today, I think it's important to forgive them at his point that they didn't declare your different ancestry sooner.
About the nationality, your nationality is what you have issued on your IDs like passport, ID card, insurance card, drivers license etc. Your nationality is not something you are told via DNA tests, testing only told you that you don't care DNA particles commonly found in certain nation's citizens, that however doesn't define you as person and not to mention today where you can easily go from everywhere to everywhere the word nationality doesn't even have a purpose.

 

[flexy]

Thehotsung,

When you "gave away" the girl, you found out that you LIMIT YOURSELF based on something you assumed. DON'T.

Now you're looking for your "true" heritage (Vietnamese, German, Russian, Whatever, White, Asian, It doesn't matter).

You will come to a new conclusion and then again run danger you limit yourself, based on your new knowledge (or belief). DON'T.

I understand that it can be difficult not to know about your true parents or "true" heritage. But don't let this influence your life decisions and don't let it limit yourself.

Keep your options open...ultimately you might even realize not knowing about your actual, true heritage is beneficial.

 

[Zivic]

You guys thank you. Hell a complete broken sentence but fitting since I don't even know my nationality and hopefully in 6th week I will and by some miracle I find my real parents, I'm buying everyone a drink if they visit me I guess. The thing is I'm a tough sob and this thread is the first time I show vulnerability. I hate being lie to. I hate making mistakes and I absolutely hate being unwanted. I am happy you guys don't judge me but if you knew what I suffer through out my life (which is still a secret) you realize how destructive my life has been and how much more I could have been. I could be somebody but no I have a shitty job that pay well but it still a shitty job. I rarely seen the sun since I work night shift and I sleep in the daytime. Hell now that I know who I am not, I think I will change my name to fit my current situation. So without further adoo, I really mean it when you guys care enough to respond to my thread. I mean I been a member here for a very long time and this is the first time I post on a non pc/console sub topic.

unwanted?

your parents that adopted you likely specifically chose you... how is that unwanted? Are your parents liars if they just never told you, you were adopted? or did they flat out say, you are our biological child?

I have a hard to having sympathy for you given what you have shared. You basically have adoptive parents that made sure you went to college, and now you have a job that pays well.... that you think is sh!tty. guess what, lots of people had parents that didn't care enough to make sure they went to college and they work sh!ttier jobs; and don't get paid well.

Grow up, life isn't fair. You aren't the only one with a sob story. pathetic you blame not know what % white or Asian you are on the choices you made.

I have a close friend that doesn't know who his real father, and his mother used to beat him with a telephone..... and he isn't sitting around feeling sorry for himself. Sure your life probably wasn't perfect, but who's is? we all have struggles.

 

[piasabird]

Whoever raised you is your real parent.

 

[thehotsung8701A]

As long a family you grew up in was nice to you, and supported you till today, I think it's important to forgive them at his point that they didn't declare your different ancestry sooner.
About the nationality, your nationality is what you have issued on your IDs like passport, ID card, insurance card, drivers license etc. Your nationality is not something you are told via DNA tests, testing only told you that you don't care DNA particles commonly found in certain nation's citizens, that however doesn't define you as person and not to mention today where you can easily go from everywhere to everywhere the word nationality doesn't even have a purpose.

The family I grew up was abusive and neglect me. They never listen to my problem and brush everything aside. When I first shown sign of OCD, they ignore it and now my OCD is impossible to stop. Though it not entirely their fault since most Asian families don't believe in mental illness. In my family, that more like a omen than a diagnosed disorder. My biggest bully was my "sister". She abuse me every chance she get. She wanted to be an only child.

I don't think they adopted me to be honest. I think I was taken by them by mistake or misplace. Remember I was born in a third world country with no record of any birth certificate.

 

[Sheep221]

The family I grew up was abusive and neglect me. They never listen to my problem and brush everything aside. When I first shown sign of OCD, they ignore it and now my OCD is impossible to stop. Though it not entirely their fault since most Asian families don't believe in mental illness. In my family, that more like a omen than a diagnosed disorder. My biggest bully was my "sister". She abuse me every chance she get. She wanted to be an only child.

I don't think they adopted me to be honest. I think I was taken by them by mistake or misplace. Remember I was born in a third world country with no record of any birth certificate.

Well you should move somewhere else ASAP, to not live with them anymore.

 

[nakedfrog]

The family I grew up was abusive and neglect me. They never listen to my problem and brush everything aside. When I first shown sign of OCD, they ignore it and now my OCD is impossible to stop. Though it not entirely their fault since most Asian families don't believe in mental illness. In my family, that more like a omen than a diagnosed disorder. My biggest bully was my "sister". She abuse me every chance she get. She wanted to be an only child.

This happens to plenty of kids that are naturally born to their parents.
I think your focus should be on accepting the past for what it is, and looking toward how to improve your future, rather than wallowing in your history.

 

[Zivic]

This happens to plenty of kids that are naturally born to their parents.
I think your focus should be on accepting the past for what it is, and looking toward how to improve your future, rather than wallowing in your history.

LOL at this guy thinking everyone's life is perfect... perfect family, perfect childhoods....

news flash, we all have issues, we all had screwed up childhoods, we all have screwed up families. the specific details on how they are screwed up are the only things that differ.... your OCD is someone else's eating disorders..... your sister picking on your is another person's brother or cousin picking on them....

again, grow up.

 

[Sheep221]

LOL at this guy thinking everyone's life is perfect... perfect family, perfect childhoods....

news flash, we all have issues, we all had screwed up childhoods, we all have screwed up families. the specific details on how they are screwed up are the only things that differ.... your OCD is someone else's eating disorders..... your sister picking on your is another person's brother or cousin picking on them....

again, grow up.

People do have worse and better lives and it very much depends on where and how they grew up. Life in family in childhood is crucial to adult life how can you deny such an obvious thing?

In case of the OP, he lives in third world country(I don't know which one) and has been severely abused by his family probably since they got him till present. I'm not sure there is something much worse than that.

 

[Greenman]

There are worse things than discovering you're white. Try it for a while before you decide it's ruined your life.

Is there some reason you haven't talked to your parents about this? There may actually be very sound reasons and explanations for your entire upbringing.

 

[Greenman]

People do have worse and better lives and it very much depends on where and how they grew up. Life in family in childhood is crucial to adult life how can you deny such an obvious thing?

In case of the OP, he lives in third world country(I don't know which one) and has been severely abused by his family probably since they got him till present. I'm not sure there is something much worse than that.

He may live in a third world country, but it's one with high speed internet and access to all of the latest games and hardware, which he apparently has. Take a look at his post history.

 

[thehotsung8701A]

He may live in a third world country, but it's one with high speed internet and access to all of the latest games and hardware, which he apparently has. Take a look at his post history.

I was born in a third world country but I don't live in a third world country. I still don't know why people think that first world country > third world country. There are people who live in third world countries that have better lives than someone who live in a first world countries though not often. Happiness is the key in whichever countries you live in.

I don't know why people are comparing my problem to other people problem. I never once want anyone to compare it. I'm just confuse and don't understand why this is happening. It took my mom death to realize the truth and that just shouldn't happen.

 

[Zivic]

I was born in a third world country but I don't live in a third world country. I still don't know why people think that first world country > third world country. There are people who live in third world countries that have better lives than someone who live in a first world countries though not often. Happiness is the key in whichever countries you live in.

I don't know why people are comparing my problem to other people problem. I never once want anyone to compare it. I'm just confuse and don't understand why this is happening. It took my mom death to realize the truth and that just shouldn't happen.

you seem like a whiny, complaining person that is looking for someone else to blame to for all the things you are unhappy with in your life. Sure, some people had it better than you, many, a lot worse. You come here looking for sympathy and for help (answers) to fix what is wrong with your life. At some point you need to figure that out for yourself... that's what grown ups do

 

[Greenman]

I was born in a third world country but I don't live in a third world country. I still don't know why people think that first world country > third world country. There are people who live in third world countries that have better lives than someone who live in a first world countries though not often. Happiness is the key in whichever countries you live in.

I don't know why people are comparing my problem to other people problem. I never once want anyone to compare it. I'm just confuse and don't understand why this is happening. It took my mom death to realize the truth and that just shouldn't happen.

That's a whole new piece of information right there, and an important one.
I honestly don't understand your story. You had a DNA test done because you don't look Korean, then decided you were adopted or stolen because you're part white. Now your mother has passed away and that somehow triggered everything?

 

[Paladin3]

You are an adult and should take personal responsibility for every single thing that happens in your life from this point forward. Wallowing in what could have or should have been will only hold you back. A person is so much more than their ethnic makeup.

And you didn't give that girl to a white guy. A woman is not a possession, you can't give her away. If you wanted her you should have made the effort.

My wife never new her biological father. She searched for him for many years, thinking that knowing who he was would bring her some kind of closure. Pain like that can't be taken away and sometimes has to be endured. A strong person won't use it as a crutch or blame it for their lack of success.

At a young age my wife had a wonderful man marry her mother and adopt her. He was a fantastic father to her and a wonderful grandfather to our children. I told her on many occasions that she already had a better father, and his love was a greater reward than anything she was going to find by chasing after her bio dad who wanted nothing to do with her.

Chasing after your biological parents isn't going to make your life any better. Even if you do manage to find them you will be a stranger to them at best. Do you expect some kind of warm homecoming and instant love and more support than the actual family who raised you and took care of you all your life?

Don't let this or any part of your childhood cripple you. Be strong and take responsibility for who and what you are today. And I'm talking about the person you are, not the results of some DNA test.

 

[thehotsung8701A]

That's a whole new piece of information right there, and an important one.
I honestly don't understand your story. You had a DNA test done because you don't look Korean, then decided you were adopted or stolen because you're part white. Now your mother has passed away and that somehow triggered everything?

No you misunderstood me. I always had a sinking feeling that something was seriously wrong with my life but it wasn't until my mom passed away that the pieces of the puzzles started to fit together. It started with my uncle and aunt telling me a piece of information that was hidden from me and it wasn't until my mom passed away that they were able to come forth with this information. Since then I been doing a lot of research and wonder what else did my parents lied to me about. I did confront my dad about this information and he confirm it was true and that both him and my mom never wanted me to find out.

I don't look fully Korean, I look mix. I have big eyes like white people but an overall asian face. I have both asian and white facial feature. When I took a strand of my dad hair DNA and was able to do DNA on it and found out he wasn't my real dad, that when things became a whole lot complex.