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When it comes to new relationships

Z

Zysoclaplem

Diamond Member
Do you ever try to force them into a mold that a previous relationship left behind, from a happier time?

Or do you treat each new relationship as a completely new and open ended one?
 
what's up with the poll. is it either a vote or no vote?


never mind... you were editing
 
I try to treat every new relationship as a new beginning, but I find I really don't change all that much between them. That's not to say I try to impose a personality type on the new girl or anything, but all my habits and reactions to events in the relationships tend not to vary.
 
First thing to know is, #1 you can't change people. Well, you probably can, but I wouldn't. So with that said, treat it as a new beginning. If you are attracted to whatever they were in the past, great, but seriously don't try and change them, unless they are a emotional disaster, then you shouldn't be dating them to begin with as that is too much baggage.

danny~!
 
Originally posted by: ggnl
I try to treat every new relationship as a new beginning, but I find I really don't change all that much between them. That's not to say I try to impose a personality type on the new girl or anything, but all my habits and reactions to events in the relationships tend not to vary.
Click to expand...

What I mean is more like this:

Do other girls have to live up to the girl you were in love with?

Or could you fall for a wide open range of people?
 
Originally posted by: DannyLove
First thing to know is, #1 you can't change people. Well, you probably can, but I wouldn't. So with that said, treat it as a new beginning. If you are attracted to whatever they were in the past, great, but seriously don't try and change them, unless they are a emotional disaster, then you shouldn't be dating them to begin with as that is too much baggage.

danny~!
Click to expand...

What I mean is more or less about yourself, not the person you are dating.
Do they have to fit into that mold left behind?
 
Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
Originally posted by: ggnl
I try to treat every new relationship as a new beginning, but I find I really don't change all that much between them. That's not to say I try to impose a personality type on the new girl or anything, but all my habits and reactions to events in the relationships tend not to vary.
Click to expand...

What I mean is more like this:

Do other girls have to live up to the girl you were in love with?

Or could you fall for a wide open range of people?
Click to expand...

I think there is always the temptation to compare your current love interest to a previous one, or an imagined one. I would have to agree with Danny that you need to love people for who they are and not try to fit them into a mold or have them be a replacement for what you have lost. Everyone is different, and there are different things to love about everyone. You are really doing a disservice to yourself and your SO if you try to make them be "someone else".

I think being able to fall for a wide range of personalities has more to do with you than with them. If you're the type of person that is open and able to build frienships with other people easily, then you are more likely to bond with various types of people. If you are more of an introvert with your true feelings, you will probably only open up to a certain type of person. This would lead to only being able to fall for a certain type of person who you can connect with on that level.
 
New and open man, all the way. If I had the desire to mold a new girl into an old one I never would have broken up with the old one in the first place.
 
I can only vote mixed.

1) I'm interested in a very small segment of the population. The rest bore me. Thus, by default they are already in a mold similar to my past relationships.

2) From that point on, I want to explore the new and different. I get pleasure in all the things the new woman does that the others haven't. What can we do, where can we go, etc that I've never done before. I enjoy the new outlook on life and asking probing questions to see where each other stand.

I'm all for the new and different. But first they must fit into my mold in this order of importance: (highly intelligent, educated, dancer, moral, girl-next-door, petite, brunette, adventurous, usually thin, opinionated, etc).
 
Originally posted by: z42
I think there is always the temptation to compare your current love interest to a previous one, or an imagined one. I would have to agree with Danny that you need to love people for who they are and not try to fit them into a mold or have them be a replacement for what you have lost. Everyone is different, and there are different things to love about everyone. You are really doing a disservice to yourself and your SO if you try to make them be "someone else".

I think being able to fall for a wide range of personalities has more to do with you than with them. If you're the type of person that is open and able to build frienships with other people easily, then you are more likely to bond with various types of people. If you are more of an introvert with your true feelings, you will probably only open up to a certain type of person. This would lead to only being able to fall for a certain type of person who you can connect with on that level.
Click to expand...

I think I agree with you.

I make "friends" very easily -- that is, folks consider me their friend, though I consider them an associate, etc. I can associate with all kinds of people -- but I think that there is a very, very narrow category of people that I am able to bond with on a level that I would consider worthy of a long-term relationship (and if it's not long-term, it's not worth having, IMHO). For me, it's not so much that a new s/o would have to compare with a previous s/o, but that they would still have to fit into my standing requirements, which could easily be construed as forcing them to fit into the previous person's mold.
 
Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
Originally posted by: DannyLove
First thing to know is, #1 you can't change people. Well, you probably can, but I wouldn't. So with that said, treat it as a new beginning. If you are attracted to whatever they were in the past, great, but seriously don't try and change them, unless they are a emotional disaster, then you shouldn't be dating them to begin with as that is too much baggage.

danny~!
Click to expand...

What I mean is more or less about yourself, not the person you are dating.
Do they have to fit into that mold left behind?
Click to expand...

They don't necessarly "have" to. This is entirely up to you, your preference, your type, your woman. Do you want people to come to you and say, "hey, she really reminds me of your ex-gf." If you do, you are really beating yourself up because you obviously can't let go of the ex, or that feeling they create.

I wouldn't place any restrictions on any new girls I'd meet. Allow them to create a new mold perhaps, or better yet, don't even enter a relationship with a mold pre-defined.

Hell, I'd take a step further and suggest not to even enter a relationship. It seems like you are still lost in what you want in someone and your better off dating and finding out what exactly you want/looking for.

danny~!
 
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