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When it comes to friendships

Y

YJK76

Member
How do you go about choosing your friends, especially those whom you choose to keep close?
I've had huge discussions regarding this topic with a couple of my friends and I wanted your input.

Why do you think people, most often than not, choose to not hang out with low-lives, "trashy" people, drug addicts, hookers, what have you?
What are your basis for choosing certain friends? I'm sure a lot of us do this automatically, sort of like going with our gut feelings, never really breaking things down as to why we pick and choose certain people over others to be our friends/close/best friends. It's whether we click or clash. Simple as that, right?. But what is the root of those conclusions? I'm sure it's different for each individual you meet but do you have set standards that you might keep and follow subconsciously when deciding whether or not they're worth your time?

I think most people tend to flock to their own. In that I mean not necessarily within the same race although often people do that, but with those who holds the same values/beliefs as you and whom you can respect as a friend and trust, whom you could confide in and share personal information with and not feel judged/belittled or even at times superior or more knowledgeable than that person. Ideally you want to be on an equal level, equal wavelength, see eye to eye on not everything but most of the things. Not that you think you're better than everyone else and only a select few are worth your friendship but that you just tend to hang out with people who can relate to you and whom you can relate to. Isn't this common sense?

I was just curious as to how people go about doing it. Can you break it down or would you agree with me and pretty much say the same things, such as similar values and beliefs? Someone you can respect and trust?

An example.... if you believe that people should have high standards for themselves and constantly strive to better themselves, you wouldn't pick and choose an individual who thrives on misery and constantly makes the same mistake over and over again and yet comes to you and gripes about his/her misery, would you? Someone who thrives in living a pitiful life and refuses to help themselves?
Can you be friends with someone like that if you yourself have high standards for yourself and a higher level of self respect?
 
Interesting topic. True friends are more important than most people realize and you can never have too many.

On Monday my friend Bob's wife needed an emergency appendectomy. One friend's wife took Bob's two oldest boys (ages 4 and 2). Another friend's wife took Bob's 3 month old baby. All Bob had to do was take care of his wife for the couple of days it will take her to recover.

Life is so much better when you have true friends. People who will watch your kids on ten minutes notice in an emergency. People who you are comfortable leaving your kids with. People who will use their talents to help others. If I had an emergency I could call 15 different people who would come to my side immediately.

I have good friends who are wealthy and ones who are lower-middle class. But what they all have in common is: integrity, honesty, a willingness to help others, a good sense of humor, mutual respect, not materialistic, and not crude. The kind of friends I want are the ones to whom I can give a key to my house and not worry about it for a second. That's my benchmark.

I agree that people will tend to associate with people with similar values and beliefs. Drug users tend to associate with other drug users, and millionaires tend to associate with other millionaires. You need some things in common to maintain and nurture a friendship.
 
Originally posted by: kranky
Interesting topic. True friends are more important than most people realize and you can never have too many.

On Monday my friend Bob's wife needed an emergency appendectomy. One friend's wife took Bob's two oldest boys (ages 4 and 2). Another friend's wife took Bob's 3 month old baby. All Bob had to do was take care of his wife for the couple of days it will take her to recover.

Life is so much better when you have true friends. People who will watch your kids on ten minutes notice in an emergency. People who you are comfortable leaving your kids with. People who will use their talents to help others. If I had an emergency I could call 15 different people who would come to my side immediately.

I have good friends who are wealthy and ones who are lower-middle class. But what they all have in common is: integrity, honesty, a willingness to help others, a good sense of humor, mutual respect, not materialistic, and not crude. The kind of friends I want are the ones to whom I can give a key to my house and not worry about it for a second. That's my benchmark.

I agree that people will tend to associate with people with similar values and beliefs. Drug users tend to associate with other drug users, and millionaires tend to associate with other millionaires. You need some things in common to maintain and nurture a friendship.
Click to expand...

 
I have good friends who are wealthy and ones who are lower-middle class. But what they all have in common is: integrity, honesty, a willingness to help others, a good sense of humor, mutual respect, not materialistic, and not crude. The kind of friends I want are the ones to whom I can give a key to my house and not worry about it for a second. That's my benchmark.
Click to expand...
this is exactly how I feel.
 
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