When you're depressed, or just layin in bed at night and worrying about the world, what's your happy place that you go to, if you do? I had posted about this a few years ago I think, but wanted to ask again.
For me it's this:
I was probably about 4 years old. I lived in this somewhat suburban town, but in a reeeeally crappy slummy neighborhood. There was a medium sized park with playground equipment and one of those circular things that kids can sit on and parents can push them around really fast...we called it a merri-go-round, but I'm not sure if that's the right word. Anyway, it's summer or late spring, and the sky is gorgeous blue and with a very few pure white clouds in it. I'm on this merri-go-round, the handles are bright yellow, and the part you stand on is divided up into different colors, each section shaped like a pizza slice. There's blue and green and purple 'slices', and at the very middle is a red circle. Anyway, my mom is pushing me around and around and around on it and I'm so happy. I'm yelling for her to push me more, and she's laughing as she pushes it around. She looks so young; life and my father haven't worn her down and broken much of her spirit, she doesn't look cynical or depressed. She's so exuberant looking and we're just a mom and son enjoying the world. When I think of all of the garbage I've put her through in life since then it absolutely kills me. She never asked for anything back after all she gave up for me, and I still failed to give her the things she wanted (getting college done on time, not getting in trouble, etc.) I've done some pretty horrible things. When I think back to that moment I'm so sorry for every single bad thing I've ever done, no matter how big or small. Even thinking about it now I'm tearing up a bit. But it's because that moment is so happy, and here 20 years later I can never get back that innocence, and I don't know how to help my mom get that part of her spirit back.
But when I lay in bed at night when I'm sad I go back to that time and I still feel the force of being spun around so fast on that merri-go-round, and I drift off to sleep and sleep like I'm dead.
For me it's this:
I was probably about 4 years old. I lived in this somewhat suburban town, but in a reeeeally crappy slummy neighborhood. There was a medium sized park with playground equipment and one of those circular things that kids can sit on and parents can push them around really fast...we called it a merri-go-round, but I'm not sure if that's the right word. Anyway, it's summer or late spring, and the sky is gorgeous blue and with a very few pure white clouds in it. I'm on this merri-go-round, the handles are bright yellow, and the part you stand on is divided up into different colors, each section shaped like a pizza slice. There's blue and green and purple 'slices', and at the very middle is a red circle. Anyway, my mom is pushing me around and around and around on it and I'm so happy. I'm yelling for her to push me more, and she's laughing as she pushes it around. She looks so young; life and my father haven't worn her down and broken much of her spirit, she doesn't look cynical or depressed. She's so exuberant looking and we're just a mom and son enjoying the world. When I think of all of the garbage I've put her through in life since then it absolutely kills me. She never asked for anything back after all she gave up for me, and I still failed to give her the things she wanted (getting college done on time, not getting in trouble, etc.) I've done some pretty horrible things. When I think back to that moment I'm so sorry for every single bad thing I've ever done, no matter how big or small. Even thinking about it now I'm tearing up a bit. But it's because that moment is so happy, and here 20 years later I can never get back that innocence, and I don't know how to help my mom get that part of her spirit back.
But when I lay in bed at night when I'm sad I go back to that time and I still feel the force of being spun around so fast on that merri-go-round, and I drift off to sleep and sleep like I'm dead.
Facebook
Twitter