<< You do need a hotmail account to be listed in their directory of netmeeting users. But who wants to be listed in their directory? Not me. >>
This is a mix-up of two different calling solutions for NetMeeting, and as a result is incorrect. MS unplugged their ILS servers (directories) back in late 1999/early 2k. There is no public "directory" anymore from MS, tho' you can still find public ILS servers on the 'net. The preferred choice for NM connections is using Messenger (surname: Microsoft Internet Directory, or MID), which isn't a directory at all...it simply takes your buddy list and puts it in the directory window. It's just integration of two stand-alone products.
Remote Desktop Sharing is a single-person experience. It's designed for someone to access a computer remotely, much like PCAnywhere. The host machine needs to activate RDS, then the remote machine must check the security box in the Call dialog, along with the IP, when dialing.
What you probably want to use is Desktop Sharing, which is available in the Sharing dialog. Both of you need to run NM, you dial the IP, that person shares the desktop then allows control.
If you really do mean RDS, the reason you can't connect is because you haven't opened your ports on both machines. Firewalls cause this kind of problem. It has been covered here several other times.