What would you do if your spouse's cousin asked to stay at your house indefinitely?

[MuffD]

My wife had this cousin who was visiting from the Phillipines who came here originally to visit his GF or something. He stayed with us for a week and I guess things are not working out with this chick so he's flying back to San Diego and I guess wants to stay with us.
I believe his visa expires June 17 (hopefully this guy does not extend). I think he is going to try and extend anyways so I told my wife he can stay with us till then but if he tries to extend, he has to go. My wife's sister, brother, and parents live all close by so I don't know how we got stuck with this dude.

Would you guys not let him stay at all or am I being kinda harsh? I know it would make my mother in law happy if we let him stay indefinitely but I think that would definitely put a strain on us because I feel like I would have to lug this guy around everywhere I go.

Had to get this off my chest since there is nobody to talk with about it at work this early in the morning.

 

[huesmann]

OTD, ASAP.

 

[nakedfrog]

Ask when you can expect his rent payment?

 

[Amused]

Quite simply, NO.

 

[TexDotCom]

I would let the cousin stay, but only after we discussed a final, end date for the "visit". Indefinitely would not be an option. I told my bro-in-law (best friend, too) that he and his wife they could stay for four weeks. It turned into four months. I finally had to confront them and tell them they only have three weeks to find a place or their stuff was going out to the curb. Their extended stay began causing friction between them and us, both individually and as married couples. I will not let that happen again, and certainly will not choose "indefinitely" as an option. Even the best of friends can start to have problems given enough time and a definite space like a home.

Just my $.02

 

[MuffD]

The thing that sucks the most is he's a nice guy and is very helpful around the house. I just don't want this dude to get too comfortable. We're moving into our new house really soon and there is really no room for this guy. We have 3 bedrooms and a loft. The loft is my office so he would have to get a floor or something. I just have to make sure he doesn't get to comfy and try to buy a bed or something. Once that happens, I have to put my foot down. I know my wife is also just trying to make everyone happy and told me that if I ever go to the Phillipines they would do the same for me and make me feel at home. Problem is I don't really care to go there at least just yet.

 

[K1052]

A friend of mine had his Chinese in-laws stay with them for about a year. They kept extending.

The poor bastard was so miserable. He actually danced a happy dance when they finally left.

 

[franksta]

Will the cousin be helping with the bills and other expenses? I think it depends on which cousin was making this proposition but even if they were staying they're helping with bills.

 

[middlehead]

Originally posted by: nakedfrog
Ask when you can expect his rent payment?

Winner!


He's 'family' so he gets a reasonable grace period. After that, it's cash or the door.

 

[DougK62]

Hell no.

 

[Jzero]

No boarders. Ever. It's just not worth it. My wife's friend took in her brother "for a couple of months" 2 years ago...

I'd actually probably take my brother. I might not be happy about it, but I don't think I could turn my back on immediate family.

But a cousin/aunt/uncle....sorry.

 

I would let him stay until his current visa is expired. If he extends it then he is out on his own.

 

[huesmann]

Originally posted by: MuffD
I know my wife is also just trying to make everyone happy and told me that if I ever go to the Phillipines they would do the same for me and make me feel at home. Problem is I don't really care to go there at least just yet.

Yes, but they know the difference if you visit the Philippines is that you're not staying indefinitely!

The thing is, poor people there (hell, everywhere) live stacked like cordwood. So they're used to it. Most Yanquis aren't.

 

[Pepsei]

send his ass back home and make shoes for us.

 

[EagleKeeper]

Visit until a reasonable date. Visa termination is reasonable.

After that either money or out.

There are others that he can mooch on or he can pay rent.

Do not even consider the rent option until you have determined if you can get along.

Being on a visa, he may not be able to get work; that becomes the rest of the family's headache. You will have done your part.

Plenty of Filipinas down in National City that he can try to pick up if he needs a place to stay.

 

[y2kc]

Originally posted by: MuffD
The thing that sucks the most is he's a nice guy and is very helpful around the house. I just don't want this dude to get too comfortable. We're moving into our new house really soon and there is really no room for this guy. We have 3 bedrooms and a loft. The loft is my office so he would have to get a floor or something. I just have to make sure he doesn't get to comfy and try to buy a bed or something. Once that happens, I have to put my foot down. I know my wife is also just trying to make everyone happy and told me that if I ever go to the Phillipines they would do the same for me and make me feel at home. Problem is I don't really care to go there at least just yet.

I would only if there were some set in stone understandings by all parties.

1. length of stay. keeps him focused and prevents him from "settling in"
2. rent aka "room and board" and what is included.
3. boundries. yes he can use this and that no he can't have wild parties etc...

If presented in a tactful manner, this can be done without hurting anyones feelings or offending her family.

 

[JDub02]

if said cousin was a really hot female .. then no problem. in your case, a few weeks then show him the door. certainly not until june 17th .. that's too long, he'll be settled in by then.

 

[Patt]

I've had the same situation, and have been willing to do it so long as there is a tacit agreement on the 'End Date' of the arrangement. Fortunately, setting this sort of a hard line caused my wife's cousin to decide to seek alternate arrangements, and I'm happier for it.

Just ensure boundaries are set.

 

[captains]

Originally posted by: DougK62
Hell no.

 

[MuffD]

I would let him stay until his current visa is expired. If he extends it then he is out on his own.

As much as I would have, I will probably end up doing this. I'm gonna talk to my wife about this today. I'm really going to be firm though. One thing is I don't have to worry about crazy parties because he knows nobody in our area or city for that fact. He also has money with him so he'll have to start contributing somehow. Since we are moving to a new house, I'm going to have him build some cabinets and clean up as an alternate to paying rent since his funds might be limited. Like I mentioned, I really like this guy but now, I might start to hate him and NEVER allow any of her relatives to stay with us.

 

[Kelemvor]

If the house was big enough and he was a nice guy and everything, I'd still charge him rent to live there. Of course if it was a She and she was Hot, then she could stay with me for free...

But I'd probably give him a deadline and have him get his own place.

 

[Bryophyte]

I would talk to the other in-laws and if they're so hot for him to stay, agree on definite dates he'll live with each family. Like 3 weeks at your house, 3 weeks at your sister-in-laws', 3 weeks at your brother-in-laws', three weeks at your wife's parents'. When do you move into your new home? Part of his rent could be to help you move. If he tries to stay too long and your in-laws complain about how you should keep him longer, pack him up and dump him and his stuff on their lawn.

 

[FlyLice]

Originally posted by: middlehead

Originally posted by: nakedfrog
Ask when you can expect his rent payment?

Winnar!


He's 'family' so he gets a reasonable grace period. After that, it's cash or the door.

FIXED

 

[StageLeft]

kick his ass out.

 

[Shawn]

only if she was hot.