What would you do? A parent question. . .

[episodic]

Scenario:

Child is kicked off bus for poking holes in bus seats and parents told they'd have to pay restitution for the seat.

Child has no history of destructive behavior - and under grilling from parent, child does admit that he was playing with the fluff from an already open rip in the seat that had been there all year. Rip is apparently as long as a child's arm.

Some other kid told the bus driver that he ripped the seat. The kid that 'told' on him has issues anyhow.

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These are the tough ones. I believe that my son did not rip or poke new holes into the seat. He is 11 btw. Now I can see that he should have not been playing with an existing hole.

I broke it down to him like this: "If you saw someone damage a car - then that person ran off, then you walked over there and 'played' with the damaged car, then the person that owned the car came out - who do you think would have the police called on them?" I told him that you'd be innocent of the actual issue - but you'd probably be arrested anyhow.

He is grounded until further notice (which means he can't play baseball - which he is really upset about).

At a gut level though, like I said, I don't really think he did much wrong other than to be a dummy and play with the hole.

One part of me wants to side with the school, and the other part of me wants to demand proof from the school other than some other kid's thoughts. . .

What are everyone's opinions?

 

[Yo Ma Ma]

Well, is your kid usually truthful, even under incriminating circumstances? Ask to look at the damage, you can probably tell if it's a new or old rip, if it was old it would probably show wear and or dirt along the rip differently than a freshly made rip. Check for general appearance of the bus seats, are they all immaculate except the damaged one, etc.

I would not want to pay for a new seat if all my kid did was pull some fluff out, but I'd offer to patch it up with some new fluff and duct tape, if that would help.

I'd side with your kid unless I really thought he wasn't being truthful.

 

[audi]

This seems something silly to ground him over, why not just make him pay the money for the seat.

 

[episodic]

Originally posted by: Yo_Ma-Ma
Well, is your kid usually truthful, even under incriminating circumstances?

He is - because from day one his punishment is always tripled for the least little lie. He has about figured out not to lie to us. That and other than being a compulsive talker - he is not a destructive kid.

 

[olds]

Age of child?

 

[SacrosanctFiend]

Kids are evil. He ripped the seat open and used the "fluff" to conduct a satanic ritual. Shouldn't have grounded him, as now, in five days, you and your wife will be engulfed in a lake of fire.

 

[Ornery]

He is grounded until further notice...

Man, that doesn't sound right, if you're not certain he did it!

I tell the principal to get my son the fvck back on the bus, unless HE can prove my son did it! Tell him to ask the "witness" just exactly how your son went about ripping it.

Otherwise, I wouldn't pay a damn cent, and I'd raise hell if my son wasn't allowed back on that bus IMMEDIATELY!

 

[episodic]

Originally posted by: audi
This seems something silly to ground him over, why not just make him pay the money for the seat.

Yea, I know it eats at me. It seems like he deserves some punishment just at least to get the understanding down not to be where you are not supposed to be kinda thing down. Even if innocent - he shouldn't have been messing with any preexisting holes.


So the opinion is 'too rough' eh?

 

[episodic]

Originally posted by: oldsmoboat
Age of child?

11

 

[myusername]

As a former kid, I certainly would tell whatever story necessary about existing damage to mitigate the apparent delinquency in my behavior 😀
I also have minimal respect for bureaucracy or administration.

1. Realize that it is very possible, and in fact, likely that your son opened the tear all by himself.

2. It is an important lesson that your son realize that "innocent until proven guilty" is a nice ideal but is nonsense fluff.

3. It is also good that he learns that the real world assigns guilt by association. Reinforce that this will, in coming years, also apply not just to situations he is present at, but generally to the company he keeps.

4. Go for the jugular of the school. If your kid didn't do it, you will be standing up for him :thumbsup: and (hopefully) showing him that right (sometimes) wins. If he *did* do it, you will engender a nice guilt complex that should be suitable for keeping him in line over the coming years 🙂

 

[Taejin]

I'm not a parent, but this is how my parents would have reacted:

Dad would be furious at the school. He would fight them with tooth and nail to clear my name.

My dad would proceed to get pissed at me for putting myself in that kind of dubious situation. He would probably yell at me/punish me, but not as badly as if I'd actually done something bad.

 

[olds]

At 11 he should have know better so some punishment is in order. Nothing serious and if he is on an organized baseball team (Little League) I'd let him play so the team is not punished. But, you told him he couldn't play and you should ALWAYS say what you mean and mean what you say. No back tracking. Get it right the first time.
Other than that, I agree with Ornery