he is 4, ive been around for half his life, more then his biological father. we live in a house, he is well taken care of, father goes months without even calling, i cant even remember the last time he called, maybe christmas. her and i arent married yet. do i have to wait until marriage? does the father HAVE to sign over rights? how much is it going to cost?
What would it take to adopt girlfriends son?
- Thread starter TheSiege
- Start date
He doesnt pay for anything, he is on health care through the state. I love the kid, ive helped raise him. potty trained him, read to him. hell he is my son, just doesnt carry my name, he calls me dad. he wakes me up in the morning just to tell me he is going pee, EVERY morning, and i dont want to lose that. I want him to have my name, my insurance. i want to make sure he is taken care of, regardless of how things turn out between his mom and me.
Sraaz, you my friend, are an idiot. Single moms are some of the best women on earth.
Sraaz, you my friend, are an idiot. Single moms are some of the best women on earth.
Personally, I would only make him my son legally if I get married. A 2 year dating relationship isn't really that long and things can happen. Don't mean to sound pessimistic, but just trying to be realistic.
See kids scare the crap out of me. What if something goes wrong between me and mom? I have now become an important part in the kids life. It would be terrible for the kid. I just couldn't take that kind of risk.
It seems wierd that you seem so close to the family but have no idea where the biological father is. Try to straighten it out with the biological dad in terms of custody in the near future or it's gonna make the lil guy very confused.
I certainly do not know the law pertaining to your situation but I would assume that you would have to be married to be allowed to adopt him.
kranky
Elite Member
- Oct 9, 1999
- 21,019
- 156
- 106
Man, think long and hard about doing this. Don't you think it would make sense to have a few years of marriage under your belt before adopting? I have a friend who adopted his wife's son a couple months after they got married and they split up just two years later when she had an affair. It's a messy situation now and he regrets doing it. The wife and son have moved far away, he'd rather not have any contact with them, but he is the child's legal father and has to deal with some things on an ongoing basis.
I know you said you want to do it no matter what happens between his mother and you, but it's not a good situation for the kid if things don't work out.
I think it's great that you would be willing to adopt him, but there's no rush. He's only 4 and will not know the difference anyway. To the question of cost, when my friend did it they had little money, so it couldn't have cost all that much. The natural father did sign over parental rights.
I know you said you want to do it no matter what happens between his mother and you, but it's not a good situation for the kid if things don't work out.
I think it's great that you would be willing to adopt him, but there's no rush. He's only 4 and will not know the difference anyway. To the question of cost, when my friend did it they had little money, so it couldn't have cost all that much. The natural father did sign over parental rights.
Beev
Diamond Member
- Apr 20, 2006
- 7,775
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I'm sure they are, but I'm not going to be responsible for their little mistake.
Edit: To clarify, I don't mean the kid is the little mistake. I mean the situation. Kid plus being single. Regardless of who you are, if you are a single mom then obviously a mistake of some kind was made somewhere.
Danger Will Robinson! Danger!
This is not something you should do without very long and very careful consideration. In fact, if you are not married to the woman, I wouldn't even consider it. Think of it this way -- right now you can provide and do everything for the kid as you please. If you adopt the kid, you are signing up for obligatory 14 more years of child support etc etc. That might not seem like a bad thing right now, but if the situation with mom changes, you're going to be kicking yourself.
Oh, and yes, the father would have to give up parental rights in court, or the court would have to remove his parental rights and grant them to you (highly unlikely, especially since you're not even married to mom).
This is not something you should do without very long and very careful consideration. In fact, if you are not married to the woman, I wouldn't even consider it. Think of it this way -- right now you can provide and do everything for the kid as you please. If you adopt the kid, you are signing up for obligatory 14 more years of child support etc etc. That might not seem like a bad thing right now, but if the situation with mom changes, you're going to be kicking yourself.
Oh, and yes, the father would have to give up parental rights in court, or the court would have to remove his parental rights and grant them to you (highly unlikely, especially since you're not even married to mom).
My wife and I had our kid in a stable marriage. I hold her in a bit higher regard than any single mom, though her job is notably easier being in a marriage.
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