This was emailed to me. Usually the good intentioned people who email me funny stuff I don't find very much funny. But this one had me ROTFLMAO. It's long, but well worth it.
Don't take that bad day out on someone you know. take it out on someone you DON'T know.
I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make.
I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered saying, "Hello?"
I politely said, "This is Fred Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin
Carter?"
Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone
could be that rude.
I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had transposed
the last 2 digits incorrectly.
After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there
on
my desk.
I decided to call it again.
When the same person once more answered, I yelled, "You're an a$$hole!"
and
hung up.
Next to his phone number I wrote the word "a$$hole," and put it in my desk
drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day,
I'd call him up.
He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're an a$$hole!" It would always cheer me
up.
Later in the year the Phone Company introduced caller ID. This was a real
setback for me;
I would have to stop calling the a$$hole.
Then one day, I had an idea. I dialed his number and when I heard his
voice, "Hello?"
"Hi. I'm with the Telephone Company and I'm just calling to see if you'd
be
interested
in our caller ID program?"
"NO!" he shouted, and slammed the phone down.
I was in business again.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an a$$hole!"
Keep reading, this gets better...
An old lady at the shopping center really took her time pulling out of a
parking space.
I didn't think she was ever going to leave.
Finally, her car began to move and she started to very slowly back out of
the slot.
I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out.
"Great," I thought, "she's finally leaving."
All of a sudden this black BMW comes flying up the parking aisle
from the wrong direction and pulls into her space.
I hit the horn and started yelling, "You can't do that. I was here first!"
The guy climbed out his BMW completely ignoring me. He walked toward
the shopping center as if I didn't exist.
I thought to myself, "This guy's another a$$hole; there sure are a
lot of a$$hole's in this world."
Then, I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car.
I wrote down the phone number, and then I hunted for another place to
park.
A couple of days later, I'm sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the
phone after
calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're an a$$hole!"
(It's really easy since I have his number on speed dial now)
I notice the phone number of the guy with the black BMW there
on my desk and thought I better call this guy too.
After a couple of rings, someone answered the phone and said,
"Hello?"
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the car's
parked right out front."
I said, "What's your name?"
"My name is Don Hansen."
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home in the evenings."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Sure...."
"Don, you're an a$$hole!" And I slammed the phone down.
Then, I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer.
I must say, for a while things seemed to be going much better for me.
Now, when I had a problem I had two a$$holes to call.
Then, after several months of calling the a$$holes and hanging up on them,
it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the problem some
serious thought and came up with this solution:
First, I had my phone speed dial a$$hole #1.
A man answered nicely, "Hello?"
I yelled, "You're an a$$hole!" but I didn't hang up.
The a$$hole said, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah."
He said, "Stop calling me."
I said, "Make me."
He said, "What's your name, pal?"
So I told him, "Don Hansen."
He said, "Where do you live?"
"1802 West 34th Street. It's the yellow house and my black BMW's parked
out
front."
"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers."
"Yeah, like I'm really scared, a$$hole!" and hung up.
Then I called a$$hole #2
Don Hansen answered, "Hello?"
I said, "Hello, a$$hole!"
He said, "If I ever find out who you are...."
"You'll what?"
"I'll kick your ass."
"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now, a$$hole." And I hung
up.
Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was on my
way to
1802 West 34th Street, and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon
as
I got there.
Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going down on 34th
Street.
After that, I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch
the whole thing.
Glorious Satisfaction! Watching 2 a$$holes kick the crap out of each other
in front of 6 squad cars, a police helicopter and a news crew was one of
the greatest experiences of my life.
Now you know what to do if you really have a bad day!
Don't take that bad day out on someone you know. take it out on someone you DON'T know.
I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make.
I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered saying, "Hello?"
I politely said, "This is Fred Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin
Carter?"
Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone
could be that rude.
I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had transposed
the last 2 digits incorrectly.
After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there
on
my desk.
I decided to call it again.
When the same person once more answered, I yelled, "You're an a$$hole!"
and
hung up.
Next to his phone number I wrote the word "a$$hole," and put it in my desk
drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day,
I'd call him up.
He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're an a$$hole!" It would always cheer me
up.
Later in the year the Phone Company introduced caller ID. This was a real
setback for me;
I would have to stop calling the a$$hole.
Then one day, I had an idea. I dialed his number and when I heard his
voice, "Hello?"
"Hi. I'm with the Telephone Company and I'm just calling to see if you'd
be
interested
in our caller ID program?"
"NO!" he shouted, and slammed the phone down.
I was in business again.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an a$$hole!"
Keep reading, this gets better...
An old lady at the shopping center really took her time pulling out of a
parking space.
I didn't think she was ever going to leave.
Finally, her car began to move and she started to very slowly back out of
the slot.
I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out.
"Great," I thought, "she's finally leaving."
All of a sudden this black BMW comes flying up the parking aisle
from the wrong direction and pulls into her space.
I hit the horn and started yelling, "You can't do that. I was here first!"
The guy climbed out his BMW completely ignoring me. He walked toward
the shopping center as if I didn't exist.
I thought to myself, "This guy's another a$$hole; there sure are a
lot of a$$hole's in this world."
Then, I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car.
I wrote down the phone number, and then I hunted for another place to
park.
A couple of days later, I'm sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the
phone after
calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're an a$$hole!"
(It's really easy since I have his number on speed dial now)
I notice the phone number of the guy with the black BMW there
on my desk and thought I better call this guy too.
After a couple of rings, someone answered the phone and said,
"Hello?"
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the car's
parked right out front."
I said, "What's your name?"
"My name is Don Hansen."
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home in the evenings."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Sure...."
"Don, you're an a$$hole!" And I slammed the phone down.
Then, I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer.
I must say, for a while things seemed to be going much better for me.
Now, when I had a problem I had two a$$holes to call.
Then, after several months of calling the a$$holes and hanging up on them,
it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the problem some
serious thought and came up with this solution:
First, I had my phone speed dial a$$hole #1.
A man answered nicely, "Hello?"
I yelled, "You're an a$$hole!" but I didn't hang up.
The a$$hole said, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah."
He said, "Stop calling me."
I said, "Make me."
He said, "What's your name, pal?"
So I told him, "Don Hansen."
He said, "Where do you live?"
"1802 West 34th Street. It's the yellow house and my black BMW's parked
out
front."
"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers."
"Yeah, like I'm really scared, a$$hole!" and hung up.
Then I called a$$hole #2
Don Hansen answered, "Hello?"
I said, "Hello, a$$hole!"
He said, "If I ever find out who you are...."
"You'll what?"
"I'll kick your ass."
"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now, a$$hole." And I hung
up.
Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was on my
way to
1802 West 34th Street, and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon
as
I got there.
Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going down on 34th
Street.
After that, I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch
the whole thing.
Glorious Satisfaction! Watching 2 a$$holes kick the crap out of each other
in front of 6 squad cars, a police helicopter and a news crew was one of
the greatest experiences of my life.
Now you know what to do if you really have a bad day!
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