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what SHOULD be on job applications: "If you were to get fired, what circumstance would you prefer?


Elite Member
Feb 26, 2000
Well, I would want it to go somthing like this..."Tim come into my office for a second please (god knows you don't want to tell me on the floor!) ummm we've been getting complaints of you, harassing, and attacking the customers in person AND on the phone, we even have a report of you barking at a woman all the way into the parking lot as she walked out of the store in disgust!...do you care to explain yourself."

me:"nope I think that portrays the situation quite nicely...<middle finger>...<bite the boss in the ear>...<RUN!>"

so how would you like to get fired?


Diamond Member
Aug 13, 2001
"We've realized that for the past two years, you have done just about nothing while at work. The work is sparse and rather unchallenging. Yet, we have paid you to come in each day and play around or be completely bored out of your mind. We apologize.

We have chosen to make life easier for you AND for us -- we will continue to pay you for doing nothing as has been done in the past, except this time you won't have to come into work to do it. Stay home and do whatever you want without being under our watchful eye. We don't have anybody to fill your position since there really isn't a position to fill, anyway. If we really need you to do something significant, we'll call you. Expect a phone call every three months or so, okay?"

Now THAT would be nice!


Feb 15, 2000
"We've decided that we want our bandwidth back. We will give you 5 years of pay and a T1 line for life for your home if you promise never to come back"
Aug 16, 2001
"We've come to realize that you work to hard. Your work make all other employees look lazy. Our option is to fire all of them or just you.
Since it's easier to just fire you instead of getting a new work force we will give you a new car of your choice every 3 years and full pay for the rest of your life if you promise not to come back"