- Feb 20, 2001
- 17,648
- 28
- 91
MESSAGE TO ALL WOMEN
I got this in an email a few times...just thought i'd share with those who's never seen it.
Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask.
We refuse to answer.
Don't cut your hair. EVER. One of the big reasons guys
fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair
and by then you're stuck with her.
Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. And don't ask us what we ARE thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation or monster
trucks.
Sunday = Sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. And by the way, "shopping" is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you
wear is fine. Really.
You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want and let's be absolutely clear on
this one:
Subtle hints don't work
Strong hints don't work
Really obvious hints don't work. Just f**kin' say it!!!!
We don't know what day it is and never will.
Mark anniversaries on the calendar.
Peeing standing up is far more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.
Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you
think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of 30, would look
good with that dress?
Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost
every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See
a doctor.
Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
Check your damn oil.
It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take
the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and
one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Let us ogle - we're going to anyway - it's genetic.
You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how
to do something, but not both.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say
during commercials.
ALL men see in 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a
color.
If it itches, it WILL be scratched. Live with it.
Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
And finally, if we ask what's wrong and you say,
"Nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. By the way, we know you're lying .... it's just not worth the hassle
I got this in an email a few times...just thought i'd share with those who's never seen it.
Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask.
We refuse to answer.
Don't cut your hair. EVER. One of the big reasons guys
fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair
and by then you're stuck with her.
Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it. And don't ask us what we ARE thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation or monster
trucks.
Sunday = Sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. And by the way, "shopping" is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you
wear is fine. Really.
You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want and let's be absolutely clear on
this one:
Subtle hints don't work
Strong hints don't work
Really obvious hints don't work. Just f**kin' say it!!!!
We don't know what day it is and never will.
Mark anniversaries on the calendar.
Peeing standing up is far more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.
Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you
think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of 30, would look
good with that dress?
Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost
every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See
a doctor.
Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
Check your damn oil.
It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take
the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and
one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Let us ogle - we're going to anyway - it's genetic.
You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how
to do something, but not both.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say
during commercials.
ALL men see in 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a
color.
If it itches, it WILL be scratched. Live with it.
Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
And finally, if we ask what's wrong and you say,
"Nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. By the way, we know you're lying .... it's just not worth the hassle
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