what is this with the christian red tentacles of conformity?

[slackerinabox]

So this is me venting and me being a bit of a baby, but I really value just being able to be the loudmouth that i am and this issue has been bugging me. I could need a good public lashing, or maybe i'm justified in being so annoyed

I'm a bit of a loudmouth. My friends get a kick out of it, my wife doesn't mind it, and I know to go pg with it around my kids., But my midwestern inlaws- they just can't stand it! It's not to say social media is my life, but i have a Facebook - they're on it posting passive aggressive barb. Instagram? You got it! They write "god bless" on my vimeo page! the page with videos of dick biting vampires i filmed in college! I don't take it, at all seriously but they view it as a form of psychosis and that I must conform to their sense of normalcy. I also dabble in low budget horror, like dark metal (in addition to trip hop, hip hop, indie rock, pop, whatever. i like it all!), read about the occult, and just goof off with strange books and dvds lying around (buffy level stuff, i'm no torture porn addict). they comment and make it all seem like dark warning signs. They bluntly say "we'd support your hobbies, if they weren't making horror movies."

I understand that religion guides them, but I'm the grandkid of a minister and he always believed - "don't judge people, as long as they're not bugging you let em be."

They're always trying to enforce their opinions on us, from how we dress our kids (messy hair and bohemian) to what music I listen to. EVERYTHING is up for debate either through snarky social media post or 'just kidding' snarky comment, and it's quite maddening. I feel like I can either go for the bait or ignore it, and ignoring it allows it to fester and feel like they're subjugating me. yes, yes "unplug from social media" - i get that, but i'm a little annoyed that i'm supposed to change my behavior for them.

I don't want to be the hot head who blows up around the wife, but it's maddening. My indian family was worse, but I told them to fuck off when I started dating white girls (they promised to kill themselves if I touched a white girl, i happened to go ahead and married one and gave them two adorable grandkids - turned out they were bluffing). yes, i'm angry. this cross cultural stuff would be harder if my wife and kids weren't amazing

 

[Ruptga]

not reading that wall of text

 

[lxskllr]

not reading that wall of text

^^^

Paragraphs are your friend... Well, they're my friend anyway. I don't associate with other groupings of words.

 

[slackerinabox]

not reading that wall of text

My fault, I foolishly start blabbing on a tablet and edit later. Edited, and thank you for listening to me rant. my dad's opinion is "never let your mil rule your life," and he supports me confronting her but that also seems hot-headed.

 

[GagHalfrunt]

Christians are terrified of a god who created them broken and thinks they're scum because of his own mistake, They're not allowed to have any fun lest they incur his wrath, so they strive to make everyone else as unhappy as they are.

 

[BurnItDwn]

Yes, There is a sort of all of insulation between myself and mu christian relatives. A number of us are agnostic or atheist, and we get along great and discuss films like Holy Mountain and Santa Sangre. Then theres my middle of the road conservative lutheran grandma, who can handle most things, but always wants to be thankful to Jesus and lordy bee. I dont remind her that god is imaginary every time I see her, so I feel I do not need need to be reminded that her imagination is real to her every time I see her. ohh well...

 

[CountZero]

I don't understand. Why do you care about your in-laws supporting your hobbies? Interestingly you even alluded to why they might not like horror movies when you distanced yourself from torture porn horror movies. But I digress...

You have two issues here one is their opinions about your interests and one is about how you are raising your kids.

On the former, that's easy. "I share my interests with you such that you may get to know me better. If you do not like my interests feel free to keep that to yourself as that helps no one."

The second is also easy and quite common "We are raising our children the way we feel is appropriate. Raising kids today is different from when you did it and if we want your input we will ask."

The longer you wait to confront the more hot-headed the confrontation is likely to be.

 

[slackerinabox]

Yes, There is a sort of all of insulation between myself and mu christian relatives. A number of us are agnostic or atheist, and we get along great and discuss films like Holy Mountain and Santa Sangre. Then theres my middle of the road conservative lutheran grandma, who can handle most things, but always wants to be thankful to Jesus and lordy bee. I dont remind her that god is imaginary every time I see her, so I feel I do not need need to be reminded that her imagination is real to her every time I see her. ohh well...

Man, a Jodorowsky movie night would cause their heads to literally explode. How do you deal with it? Here's the tragic and ironic part - I do non-judgmentally believe in the J man (hey, believe what you want), I do like tradition and hymns, and don't want to shift my family away from our protestant faith (church once a month sort, we're not bible pot roast weenies), but this is forcing us away.. Which is ironic and unfortunate. I actually joined the gayest church I could find as my teenage rebellion, it's like flower power earth dance gay, a bit much for me but I'd rather the kids be influenced by that than hate, and I don't want them to run away from Christianity (they could do that on their own in their teens).

Anyways, how do you deal with it? I mean, this is my wife's mom and grand mom and, ok, sister. Lots of the women are kinda coo coo up there, but I don't want to tear the family apart and have always been miserable at politics, I prefer to say what's on my mind and pick up the pieces later. My dad's hot head suggested that, go ballistic on her once and for all and tell her to lay off. my wife keeps on being awesome and says "be yourself." She's forcing this issue because she invited herself over to visit the grand kids.

 

[slackerinabox]

I don't understand. Why do you care about your in-laws supporting your hobbies? Interestingly you even alluded to why they might not like horror movies when you distanced yourself from torture porn horror movies. But I digress...

You have two issues here one is their opinions about your interests and one is about how you are raising your kids.

On the former, that's easy. "I share my interests with you such that you may get to know me better. If you do not like my interests feel free to keep that to yourself as that helps no one."

The second is also easy and quite common "We are raising our children the way we feel is appropriate. Raising kids today is different from when you did it and if we want your input we will ask."

The longer you wait to confront the more hot-headed the confrontation is likely to be.

Because they're like the Flanders and very close. The group text constantly, I hear them dinging around our iDevices all day. They're VERY involved, and my wife loves them. And I don't want to wedge them away, but it's getting on my nerves. I didn't ask them their opinion of the genre I like to make silly, no expectation shorts with my pals, but they insert themselves into the conversation.


I like your advice... I'm just going to calmly express myself and say "hey, you don't have to know me.. thanks, bye."

 

[BurnItDwn]

Man, a Jodorowsky movie night would cause their heads to literally explode. How do you deal with it? Here's the tragic and ironic part - I do non-judgmentally believe in the J man (hey, believe what you want), I do like tradition and hymns, and don't want to shift my family away from our protestant faith (church once a month sort, we're not bible pot roast weenies), but this is forcing us away.. Which is ironic and unfortunate. I actually joined the gayest church I could find as my teenage rebellion, it's like flower power earth dance gay, a bit much for me but I'd rather the kids be influenced by that than hate, and I don't want them to run away from Christianity (they could do that on their own in their teens).

Anyways, how do you deal with it? I mean, this is my wife's mom and grand mom and, ok, sister. Lots of the women are kinda coo coo up there, but I don't want to tear the family apart and have always been miserable at politics, I prefer to say what's on my mind and pick up the pieces later. My dad's hot head suggested that, go ballistic on her once and for all and tell her to lay off. my wife keeps on being awesome and says "be yourself." She's forcing this issue because she invited herself over to visit the grand kids.

I deal with it carefully. I realize my grandma has different life experience, and while I think some of her ideas are crazy, she is my grandma and I love her dearly. I simply do not speak at all about religion or philosophy with her. Its off the table for discussion in order to remain civil. Out of respect for her as my elder , I am able to just quietly nod my head when she mentions the high holy of holy rollers. But, when she asks me to come to church, I will adamantly tell her "no thank you." Your mileage may vary obviously... Its hard to keep my mouth shut, I tend to gravitate towards argument and debate, but, im slowly learning how to choose my battles.

 

[MagnusTheBrewer]

Because they're like the Flanders and very close. The group text constantly, I hear them dinging around our iDevices all day. They're VERY involved, and my wife loves them. And I don't want to wedge them away, but it's getting on my nerves. I didn't ask them their opinion of the genre I like to make silly, no expectation shorts with my pals, but they insert themselves into the conversation.


I like your advice... I'm just going to calmly express myself and say "hey, you don't have to know me.. thanks, bye."

You're a special flake. Lighten up and, God Bless.

 

[IronWing]

You were already provided the solution in your other thread on the same topic.

 

[John Connor]

Listen to this song, have a Jack & Coke an try not to get your tears in your glass. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vt1Pwfnh5pc

 

[Newbian]

Lack of tentacles makes me sad.