Hollywood Lessons
1) It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving
martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one,
dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their
predecessors.
2) Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three
days before their retirement.
3) All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach the armpit level of a
woman, but only the waist level of the man lying beside her.
4) At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
5) All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
6) You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the
mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
7) A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will
wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
8) If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange
noises in their most revealing underwear, which is just what they happened
to be carrying with them at the time the car broke down.
9) Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn
the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
10) All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red
readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
11) A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
12) Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure
they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
13) The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No
one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any
other part of the building you want without difficulty.
14) Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it is not
necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
15) Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications
system of any invading alien society.
16) If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone around you will
automatically be able to mirror all the steps you come up with and hear the
music in your head.
17) When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each
other.
18) Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You
will always choose the right one.
19) Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch
enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly
gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at
least a half-hour to escape.
20) If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it
before long.
21) It's easy to land a plane providing there is someone in the control
tower to talk you down.
22) When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom
will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
23)Once applied, makeup never rubs off - even while scuba diving or after
fighting alien monsters. But only if you are "beautiful". If you are
overweight, your mascara will run and your lipstick will smear.
1) It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving
martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one,
dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their
predecessors.
2) Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three
days before their retirement.
3) All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach the armpit level of a
woman, but only the waist level of the man lying beside her.
4) At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
5) All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
6) You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the
mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
7) A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will
wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
8) If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange
noises in their most revealing underwear, which is just what they happened
to be carrying with them at the time the car broke down.
9) Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn
the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
10) All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red
readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
11) A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
12) Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure
they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
13) The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No
one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any
other part of the building you want without difficulty.
14) Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it is not
necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
15) Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications
system of any invading alien society.
16) If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone around you will
automatically be able to mirror all the steps you come up with and hear the
music in your head.
17) When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each
other.
18) Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You
will always choose the right one.
19) Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch
enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly
gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at
least a half-hour to escape.
20) If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it
before long.
21) It's easy to land a plane providing there is someone in the control
tower to talk you down.
22) When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom
will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
23)Once applied, makeup never rubs off - even while scuba diving or after
fighting alien monsters. But only if you are "beautiful". If you are
overweight, your mascara will run and your lipstick will smear.
