What do you think the prerequisites should be for a marriage?

[puffff]

Originally posted by: Tomato

Originally posted by: isasir

Originally posted by: IHateMyJob2004
Actually, what is the rush? if you are not ready to buy a home and have kids, why get married? Unless it is pressure from the family about living together as an un-wed couple, there is absolutely no reason to get married.

Good question which I don't recall ever seeing answered. Why the rush?

That's what my parents keep asking, and I understand where they're coming from.

Our belief is, right now we act/feel as if we're married already, and we believe things will be the same 5 years from now whether we hold single/married status. Plus (and please note, this is NOT why we would get married), there are some benefits that come along with being married (slight tax reduction, married graduate housing, etc.) that we might as well take advantage of early.

Of course I mentioned that to my dad, and he said, "You want to get married so you can have cheaper rent??!"

*sigh* No... but if we're practically married already, why not make it official?

Everyone has really good points though... I know my parents do have a lot more experience/wisdom when it comes to these things. It's a tough call, I know my fiance really wants to get married because "we're in love, and that's the only reason we need."

a certain level of maturity is a good prerequisite to marriage. that includes understand financial, family, and future situations. when someone says love is the only reason needed, that suggests decisions are still being made out of emotional, not practical, considerations.

 

[shopbruin]

to whoever said it earlier: i don't think CA has common law marriages on the books, or they're not legal in this state.

my own personal view on getting married is: sure i'd love to do it now, and wouldn't mind it at all, because yes, it would just be another part of our life that we have together now, only legally binding.

but, we won't do anything of the sort for at least the next three years.

1. we want to be financially stable. our dream when we get married is to own property, preferably a house, but if we're still in southern california, maybe just a condo for a bit. ditto goes for northern california. we want to know we will be fine on our own. technically we're on our own now, with us working and paying rent, but we know we're far from financially stable (meaning with good solid careers at good firms.)

2. my bf is for sure going to law school next fall, and depending on how i do, will probably going that route also. it's bad enough that the two of us will have monster loans to pay off for law school (probably in the 120K plus range, depending on where we go and if we have scholarships), which also heads back to the financial stability part of it. three years sadly is a long time, and i've always maintained i don't want to get married until i'm done with school, and the same goes for him. it'd be a huge distraction during a three year term of study.

3. we'd love to get the benefits of cheaper taxes, insurance etc, but it's not worth it right now to be killed by our parents to get married right away. if we know we want to get married five years from now, then we'll get married five years from now. if it fizzles out before then, then it wasn't meant to be.

4. i don't want to be married until i'm ready to have kids. that's another step. i'd love to have kids but i can't afford them now. and if we both become lawyers, we're going to have some hectic schedules the first few years and i don't want to subject my kids to daycare/nannies/grandparents.

ps, never mention financial benefits to parents, they'll seize the opportunity all the time.

 

[thomsbrain]

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