Zenmervolt
Elite member
- Oct 22, 2000
- 24,512
- 21
- 81
Zenmervolt
Elite member
- Oct 22, 2000
- 24,512
- 21
- 81
- Oct 28, 1999
- 62,483
- 8,344
- 126
Main question is - does he want to change?
It sounds to me like somebody that had very protective parents and was pretty much sheltered his entire life. He had no friends because he couldn't do anything and had no social structure to build social skills.
Sounds to me like he just needs an honestly concerned person to help socialize him and slowly bring him out of his shell. Gently though. If it's done too quick he'll just go overboard and burn himself out.
It sounds to me like somebody that had very protective parents and was pretty much sheltered his entire life. He had no friends because he couldn't do anything and had no social structure to build social skills.
Sounds to me like he just needs an honestly concerned person to help socialize him and slowly bring him out of his shell. Gently though. If it's done too quick he'll just go overboard and burn himself out.
Budmantom
Lifer
- Aug 17, 2002
- 13,103
- 1
- 81
Originally posted by: notfred
Originally posted by: KK
This guy doesn't happen to be you by chance, would he?
KK
No, actually I'm engaged, learned to ride a bike when I was 4 or 5, can swin far better than average, have a steady job and live in my own apartment.
So I guess the question is do you have goals, can you bench 100lbs, can you change your own oil and have you ever been kissed?
I agree completely. There are so many young people out there like this its sad. Maybe he doesn't know how to do all these things because he never had the oppertunity. IF he continues in this way, he is gonna be one of those kids that lives with their parents forever, and takes care of them until they die. After that, he will contiue to stay loveless and lonley because he knows no better. Also, he needs to have some drive personally. How are his parents? do they seem pretty normal? I really hate to blame anyone but him, but sometimes it is not the kids fault
I think the person youre describing is not an isolated case, there are many people like that, and more than half the things you mentioned are absolutely normal.
Most 18 year olds live with their parents. Most dont have jobs. Most dont know what they want to do with their life. Not everyone is built for a 4 year college. Not everyone needs to be able to bench 100 lbs. Most can swim and ride a bike. Why learn how to change your oil if you can pay someone else to do it for you? Some people just dont have luck with girls.
It sounds a lot like me when I was 18, but not totally. My main problem was that my parents were broke, cheap, isolated and told me my life was going to be what I made of it. They never really kicked me in the balls and punished me when I cut class every day. All they told me was "Youre ruining your life. Thats your choice." I have no extended family. My only brother is a dick. I didnt know how to ride a bike at 18, not because I didnt want to learn, but because my parents never bought me a bike because they couldnt really afford it. I had to wait till 14 to learn how to swim from school. If you have to wear the same sh*t every day because youre broke, no girl is going to want to date you.
The thing is, is that what many of you are slamming him for his lack of motivation, but the fact may be that he doesnt have a choice in the matter. Not everyone gets dealt a full house at birth. So give the kid a break. There is no reason a computer nerd needs to know how to bench 100lbs. I know many people my age (22) who still havent kissed a girl. Most of them are too caught up in school, and just dont know how to handle themselves in front of girls.
The important thing is not what he can do or accomplish, but how happy he is. I know people who are working towards their PhDs in computer science and they HATE their life. On the other side, I know people who have failed out of college, have nearly nothing to their name, but couldnt be happier.
Instead of listing all the things he CANT do that everyone else can, why not list some of the things he CAN do that everyone else cant?
Bunch of freaking idiotic responses in this thread.
This sounds like a classic case of depression.
This sounds like a classic case of depression.
i dont think theres really anything wrong in that list except for maybe not having any goals. A lot of ppl live w/their parents and dont need to worry about money until after they graduate from school. Not having a gf is no biggie either, and theres nothing wrong with not knowing how to ride a bike, swim, or change oil.
But i agree, he should be open to learning...theres just nothing wrong with not knowing how to do those things
But i agree, he should be open to learning...theres just nothing wrong with not knowing how to do those things
18 years old - That is still *very* young. If he was 30 then I might feel differently but at this point he still has virtually his entire life ahead of him.
Lives with his parents - Nothing wrong with that. Many people live with their parents through four years of college and even beyond until they finally get settled. He is very lucky to have parents that are willing and able to support him in this fashion.
Has no job - That is very unfortunate. If he is going to college and living with his parents he should chip in financially. OTOH, the economy is not the greatest right now so if he is only temporarily unemployed (and seeking a new job) that is understandable and I can empathize with him.
has no goals - Nothing wrong with that. As I said, 18 is still very young in the grand scheme of things. Personally, I didn't decide what I wanted to do with my life until AFTER college...and that procrastination did not prevent me from succeeding. I know young people think their life should be perfect, planned out from the very beginning and executed to perfection, but it doesn't always work that way. Even successful middle-aged (and older) individuals often face major--and usually unexpected--periods of uncertainty in their life (a career change, divorce, etc.), when all of their previous goals seem inadequate and the future unclear. That is normal. This young man's friends and family should encourage him to begin to develop some objectives and focus on completing them, but remember that there is no particular hurry...Life is not a race.
Goes to community college part time - Nothing wrong with that. Community colleges provide valuable educations to those who may lack the money or qualifications to do better. They are nothing to sneer at. Indeed, for many people even a high school education is sufficient for their future profession (though more education is never a bad thing).
Can't bench 100lbs - Nothing wrong with that. If success were defined by physical characteristics or athletic ability then 95% of the population would qualify as failures.
Cant swim/Can't ride a bike - Nothing wrong with that. Swimming and bicycling are great forms of recreation and exercise, but like any other activity they are not for everyone. If he goes boating a lot then it would be advisable to learn to swim, but otherwise I don't see why any of this matters. If these particular sports do not interest him then it makes no sense to waste time learning them.
Can't change the oil in his car - This would be a good thing for him to learn. But again, if he would rather pay others to do his dirty work for him, who cares? It is not uncommon for people to value their time over their money, even when the time frame in question is quite short.
Never had a girlfriend/Never been kissed - Nothing wrong with that. So maybe he's just shy. Maybe he has yet to meet anyone that catches his interest. Maybe he's gay. Maybe the dating process itself frustrates him and he would rather spend his time on more enjoyable things. Not everyone feels irresistably drawn to the opposite sex, and I see no reason why those who aren't should force themselves through the motions just to keep up appearances. That's would not be a healthy attitude for him and it would certainly a waste of time for any "girlfriend" he might obtain. Give this guy time and maybe he'll come around, and if he doesn't...so what?
MHO: This guy seems like a perfectly normal 18-yo. Those who are criticizing him (particularly on the basis of trivial things like physical strength or mechanical knowledge) are acting pretty immaturely. In fact, from what I've seen they are the ones who deserve pity, not this guy.
Lives with his parents - Nothing wrong with that. Many people live with their parents through four years of college and even beyond until they finally get settled. He is very lucky to have parents that are willing and able to support him in this fashion.
Has no job - That is very unfortunate. If he is going to college and living with his parents he should chip in financially. OTOH, the economy is not the greatest right now so if he is only temporarily unemployed (and seeking a new job) that is understandable and I can empathize with him.
has no goals - Nothing wrong with that. As I said, 18 is still very young in the grand scheme of things. Personally, I didn't decide what I wanted to do with my life until AFTER college...and that procrastination did not prevent me from succeeding. I know young people think their life should be perfect, planned out from the very beginning and executed to perfection, but it doesn't always work that way. Even successful middle-aged (and older) individuals often face major--and usually unexpected--periods of uncertainty in their life (a career change, divorce, etc.), when all of their previous goals seem inadequate and the future unclear. That is normal. This young man's friends and family should encourage him to begin to develop some objectives and focus on completing them, but remember that there is no particular hurry...Life is not a race.
Goes to community college part time - Nothing wrong with that. Community colleges provide valuable educations to those who may lack the money or qualifications to do better. They are nothing to sneer at. Indeed, for many people even a high school education is sufficient for their future profession (though more education is never a bad thing).
Can't bench 100lbs - Nothing wrong with that. If success were defined by physical characteristics or athletic ability then 95% of the population would qualify as failures.
Cant swim/Can't ride a bike - Nothing wrong with that. Swimming and bicycling are great forms of recreation and exercise, but like any other activity they are not for everyone. If he goes boating a lot then it would be advisable to learn to swim, but otherwise I don't see why any of this matters. If these particular sports do not interest him then it makes no sense to waste time learning them.
Can't change the oil in his car - This would be a good thing for him to learn. But again, if he would rather pay others to do his dirty work for him, who cares? It is not uncommon for people to value their time over their money, even when the time frame in question is quite short.
Never had a girlfriend/Never been kissed - Nothing wrong with that. So maybe he's just shy. Maybe he has yet to meet anyone that catches his interest. Maybe he's gay. Maybe the dating process itself frustrates him and he would rather spend his time on more enjoyable things. Not everyone feels irresistably drawn to the opposite sex, and I see no reason why those who aren't should force themselves through the motions just to keep up appearances. That's would not be a healthy attitude for him and it would certainly a waste of time for any "girlfriend" he might obtain. Give this guy time and maybe he'll come around, and if he doesn't...so what?
MHO: This guy seems like a perfectly normal 18-yo. Those who are criticizing him (particularly on the basis of trivial things like physical strength or mechanical knowledge) are acting pretty immaturely. In fact, from what I've seen they are the ones who deserve pity, not this guy.
Nothing about what he said indicates any sort of depression. Just because he is unmotivated does not mean he's depressed. I'd stake my money that he comes a shitty family, most likely poor. Most of you simply can not understand what being the poor kid is like. You can all spout off and say go get a job, but it simply is not that easy. Most kids get their first job through a hookup from their parents. All of my friends that had jobs did. The rest of them didnt need jobs because their parents give them everything. My dad was (now retired) a self employed housepainter. My mom was a housewife. It is simply not possible to lead a "normal" childhood without money. If you cant go out to the movies on a weekend because you cant afford it, you are going to have a tough time.
I dunno, maybe I was the exception to the rule. Everyone in my school knew me as the poor kid. Sure, I got made fun of for it sometimes, but you learn to deal with it. But a question a lot of people asked me was "Why are you always so happy?" Maybe I've got a good temperament. Not even I can say for sure. But the simple fact is, is that you dont need to live up to anyone's standards but your own to be happy. I see so many of my friends struggling to "make something" of themselves, to struggle through a major they hate because it pays well, and all sorts of stupid problems that people simply create for themselves. Then again, it has a lot to do with the way they were raised. At 18, he is still young and his personality is still practically 100% defined by his childhood.
You say you want to help him. If I'm on the money in saying he is flat broke and always has been, help him get a job. Your world changes and gets a million times better when you can actually walk into a store, see something you want, and BUY it. When you can actually afford to do something on the weekends. Most people take this for granted, and at this point in my life so do I. But Ill never forget the days when I couldnt. If I lost all my possessions today it would suck, but my life wouldnt be over. Its all in your head.
I dunno, maybe I was the exception to the rule. Everyone in my school knew me as the poor kid. Sure, I got made fun of for it sometimes, but you learn to deal with it. But a question a lot of people asked me was "Why are you always so happy?" Maybe I've got a good temperament. Not even I can say for sure. But the simple fact is, is that you dont need to live up to anyone's standards but your own to be happy. I see so many of my friends struggling to "make something" of themselves, to struggle through a major they hate because it pays well, and all sorts of stupid problems that people simply create for themselves. Then again, it has a lot to do with the way they were raised. At 18, he is still young and his personality is still practically 100% defined by his childhood.
You say you want to help him. If I'm on the money in saying he is flat broke and always has been, help him get a job. Your world changes and gets a million times better when you can actually walk into a store, see something you want, and BUY it. When you can actually afford to do something on the weekends. Most people take this for granted, and at this point in my life so do I. But Ill never forget the days when I couldnt. If I lost all my possessions today it would suck, but my life wouldnt be over. Its all in your head.
My point exactly. Everyone is judging him, but he can flip it right back around and judge you all, and even though nobody would accept it, his views are just as valid as yours. It sounds to me like everyone has more of a problem with him than he has with himself.
HomeBrewerDude
Lifer
- Jan 18, 2001
- 14,465
- 1
- 0
He's missing out on life, especially at this stage of life. I'm guessing he spends WAY too much time on his computer or watching TV.
What he needs is a hot girl to strip for him. That'll wake him up.
What he needs is a hot girl to strip for him. That'll wake him up.
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