What do you say to someone whose loved one has been killed (not because of old age)?

[happykitten]

This past weekend, my friend's brother was stabbed to death during a fight at a bar. He was 22 years old. My friend lives in the room directly across from mine, and when I found out what happened, I had no idea what to say. I didn't say "I'm sorry," because that's something you say if someone cries about failing a test... not learning their brother has just been murdered. I didn't say "I know how you feel," because I DON'T (not by a long shot 🙁 ). My heart was aching for her, but I couldn't do anything except offer her a hug and then awkwardly leave to give her some privacy. Was there anything else I could have said or done?

 

[LordMaul]

Thats about all you CAN do.

Maul
(For once, I dunno what to say..)

 

[cyclistca]

You did fine. You might also let the person know that you are there for them if they need an ear.

 

[TuffGuy]

wow, that's a tough one. just let her know that she has someone that she can talk to and comfort her. not much else you can do since you can't/shouldn't replace the void left by her brother. at this point she's probably still is the why? state of shock.

 

[Mday]

=(

the best you can do is be there for her...

many people grieve differently...

and people tend to be "clumsy" with death, so putting your foot in your mouth is expected..

=(

 

[Regine]

I wouldn't know what to say in that situation either. I think you did fine by offering her a hug and letting her know that you'll be there.

 

[Barrak]

Just give em a big long hug.

 

[Elita1]

The best thing you can do is be there for her. Be a source of comfort, support, and joy in this time of incredible grief.
This recently happened to a great friend of my family's; his sister was stabbed to death, and his brother had recently died of a brain tumor. My parents have simply been there for his family, helping out with all they can.
It is all you can do, really. Just be there. Your friend will thank you for it. And I think it is ok to say you are sorry.
Good luck!

 

[happykitten]

Thank you for all of your advice and support... I guess I'll try my best to make it known (subtly) that I'd be willing drop everything in a second if she needs me, but I won't force my attention or sympathy on her. We're going to the library to study for a big exam in a few minutes... I can't believe she's still around. She says she can't go home because of "all these damn tests," but if it were one of my relatives (knock on wood 🙁 ), I would be on a plane in a heartbeat...

 

[Noriaki]

That's it....you can't "say" anything...words aren't going to help.

Just be the best friend you can be...try and help her be happy if possible...but most of all just be there for her if she needs support or comfort...

 

[IcemanJer]

what you did showed her that you care, and that you will be there for her. Like Mday said, we all grieve differently, just important that you leave an open door or a free chair for her when she needs it.

Maybe after a few days when she comes around (shorter for somet people, others take longer) you can start by offering something, anything.. although be careful that when being offered assistance some people would get defensive..

 

[happykitten]

Elita1 ~ I'm sorry to hear about the sister of your family friend... 🙁 It sounds like your parents are doing the most they can do, and I plan on doing the same for Eva.

 

[Azraele]

That's all you really can do. When my mom died suddenly the day before Thanksgiving my friends just hugged me. Be there for her and let her talk if she needs to.

 

[Elita1]

Thanks, HK!
Yeah, the guy is really going through a hard time--dealing with a lot of depression. Glad to hear that you can be their for your friend, it will truly mean a lot to her, I think.
Good luck with everything!(tests too)