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What can you say to a friend who just lost a child?

P

Pacfanweb

Lifer
A friend I worked with for a few years just lost his 3 year old daughter, Maci, to leukemia.
She was just a few months younger than my own daughter.
I will go to the visitation tomorrow night at the funeral home, but geez....what can you even say to someone in that situation?
I simply cannot imagine losing one of my kids, nevermind watching one of them suffer for a couple of years before dying.
Ironic thing is, he and his wife will probably be in better shape than lots of the people that visit...they've known it was coming for awhile. I can't hardly stand the thought of seeing that little casket, but that is just one of the unpleasant things we have to do in life, I guess.
 
In situations like this, I wouldn't say anything. Just be there when they need you and lend your support to the family.
 
Honestly, I know that all you can do is ask if there's anything you can do and offer condolences. But it's just a helpless feeling I have right now. Hard to look at my little girl and think that it could have just as easily been her.

edit: I guess my question was really more of a statement...there really isn't anything you can say that really helps.
 
This is a selfish way to look at it but at least you won't ever take your daughter for granted and get a chance to see how quick it can all be taken away.
 
Originally posted by: Tuktuk
This is a selfish way to look at it but at least you won't ever take your daughter for granted and get a chance to see how quick it can all be taken away.
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True, but I sure as hell didn't need for this to happen for me to appreciate my daughter.

I think I'll go give her a hug right now.
 
My bestfriend lost his 2 year old daughter 5 years ago. She was only 2 months younger then my daughter. I actually said.... I don't know what to say John. Unfortunately he divorced soon after. For a while, he wasnt able to see my daughter without breaking down. He spent 2 years drinking and doing any sort of drug that made him forget. I felt so bad because the first thought that came to mind was what if it was my little girl.
 
Whatever you do, dont say "I know how you must be feeling right now" because you dont.

Just tell him you are there for him if he ever needs to talk or vent or whatever and let him know he has a friend who is there for him whenever he needs one.
 
If you want to do something for the guy take him out for a steak lunch on Friday and don't mention the funeral.
 
Originally posted by: Pale Rider
You can't say anything, you can just be there.
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QFT.

Do not avoid your friend because 'you do not know what to say'. Showing you are a friend and you do sympathise by being there will mean far more than anything you can say. Slap an arm around them when they break down.
 
Obligatory: Cake with pink icing. Written in the pink icing, with brown icing: "Sorry you lost your child!"



An emoticon such as " =( " or " 🙁 " would also suffice at the end of the sentence.
 
Originally posted by: Gilligansdingy
My bestfriend lost his 2 year old daughter 5 years ago. She was only 2 months younger then my daughter. I actually said.... I don't know what to say John. Unfortunately he divorced soon after. For a while, he wasnt able to see my daughter without breaking down. He spent 2 years drinking and doing any sort of drug that made him forget. I felt so bad because the first thought that came to mind was what if it was my little girl.
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It's unfortunate that many marriages end after the loss of a child.

after seeing my brother go through all the things associated with a deadly form of cancer, i hate to even imagine seeing a 3 year old girl going through the same. Truly, your friend has shown a lot of strength to make it to this point. He'll need a good friend to fall back on.
 
Originally posted by: GregGreen
I say that you shouldn't say anything. Just walk up and hug him and his wife.
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Pretty much what I did. Like I thought, they were better off than we were, because it's been coming for a long time.

Damn, nobody should have to go through that. I hope a cure is found for cancer and soon.
 
Share memories, listen to stories, remember the child's birthday - for the parents, one of the worst things must be all the people who want to avoid talking about it. Be there by being willing to remember the child.
 
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