So I just found out this guy I've known since freshman year of college is probably really depressed. He's always been quiet but is generally really nice once you get to know him. I randomly got drinks with him this week and I asked him what he does all the time, who he hangs out with, etc. Turns out he basically spends something like 95% of his time alone.
No one I know has ever really brought up the fact that he might be depressed. The most we've ever really conjectured about him is that some girls we know have asked if he was gay because he's never had a girlfriend that we knew. But I have seen him hook up with girls when he has gotten drunk with me several times. But other than that he is generally regarded as being very nice, but kind of tense, serious, and sort of mysterious because no one knows that much about him. We see him every once in a while and always assumed he had other stuff to do when he wasn't hanging out with us.
Well when I drank with him this week he revealed that the only times he hangs out with anyone socially are when he's with me and my group of friends (which is like once a month or so), said that he has really bad anxiety but doesn't believe in medication or talking to shrinks. He says he's never been in love, never had a girlfriend, and most of his problems grew from having a bad childhood and "family drama". So now he has very few friends, no girlfriend, meeting people is hard for him. Once he started telling me all this I realized the only time I've really seen him animated or close to happy at all is once in a while he'll get drunk when we go out and suddenly be really outgoing and chatting up the ladies etc.
I asked him why no one we know has ever known any of this and he said he pretty much never told anyone because he's been willing to share, but up until now I was the first person to ever ask him about himself (and we're both 29 years old... pretty sad if that's true...). He said he avoids hanging out with people because he thinks if he opens up to them he will be burdening them with his troubles. I tried to tell him whatever it's cool I've had my own issues with depression so I have an idea what it's like to be on the outside looking in, and that he can think of me as a friend or whatever. But I didn't really know what else to say. He's probably right now sitting alone in his apartment staring at the wall or something...
Anyone else ever had a situation like this? If so what can you do, if anything? I know when I've been depressed I only got myself out of it there was probably nothing anyone else could have done to help me out. But it might be different with someone like him who basically seems to have lived his whole life in isolation and for all I know has never been really that happy.
No one I know has ever really brought up the fact that he might be depressed. The most we've ever really conjectured about him is that some girls we know have asked if he was gay because he's never had a girlfriend that we knew. But I have seen him hook up with girls when he has gotten drunk with me several times. But other than that he is generally regarded as being very nice, but kind of tense, serious, and sort of mysterious because no one knows that much about him. We see him every once in a while and always assumed he had other stuff to do when he wasn't hanging out with us.
Well when I drank with him this week he revealed that the only times he hangs out with anyone socially are when he's with me and my group of friends (which is like once a month or so), said that he has really bad anxiety but doesn't believe in medication or talking to shrinks. He says he's never been in love, never had a girlfriend, and most of his problems grew from having a bad childhood and "family drama". So now he has very few friends, no girlfriend, meeting people is hard for him. Once he started telling me all this I realized the only time I've really seen him animated or close to happy at all is once in a while he'll get drunk when we go out and suddenly be really outgoing and chatting up the ladies etc.
I asked him why no one we know has ever known any of this and he said he pretty much never told anyone because he's been willing to share, but up until now I was the first person to ever ask him about himself (and we're both 29 years old... pretty sad if that's true...). He said he avoids hanging out with people because he thinks if he opens up to them he will be burdening them with his troubles. I tried to tell him whatever it's cool I've had my own issues with depression so I have an idea what it's like to be on the outside looking in, and that he can think of me as a friend or whatever. But I didn't really know what else to say. He's probably right now sitting alone in his apartment staring at the wall or something...
Anyone else ever had a situation like this? If so what can you do, if anything? I know when I've been depressed I only got myself out of it there was probably nothing anyone else could have done to help me out. But it might be different with someone like him who basically seems to have lived his whole life in isolation and for all I know has never been really that happy.
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