What an open marriage taught one man about feminism

[Exophase]

This has nothing to do with feminism. That's just this man's way of patting himself on the back over his weird fetish.

And more broadly speaking, what kind of person says they want their wife to be happy because they're a feminist, and not because they care about their wife? Maybe I just can't understand how it feels as a woman but I know I'd feel pretty disappointed learning my significant other does things for me because of my gender and not because of who I am or what I personally mean to them. That sounds more like one of those things feminists say they're against.

 

[Exophase]

Instead, the "man" writing this piece clearly is enjoying taking on a feminine role, and gets dominated by his wife, who takes the role of the man.

The way this woman treats this man is not how any man should treat a woman, unless that is explicitly how that woman wants to be treated. And very few will want that.

This is actually not the first time I've seen a really big cuckold claim that it was feminism. And it wasn't just a lifestyle for him, he thought that all women should cheat on and even deliberately attempt to shame their husbands. The same guy said it would be morally wrong for men to do similar. I can't really wrap my head around people like this.

 

[SP33Demon]

Yep, totally agree.

It seems I am very agreeable today. :hmm:

KT

Hey, can I give your wife a good time tonight? :sneaky:

 

[MarkXIX]

This guy is like the Rachel Dolezal of married men and feminists.

 

[KeithTalent]

Hey, can I give your wife a good time tonight? :sneaky:

YGPM bro.

KT

 

[OverVolt]

The fact that this exists is legitimately a bit disturbing.

 

[John Connor]

Read the first few paragraphs and got board.

"Open marriage" is like an oxymoron. Why the fuck get married? Would be unacceptable for me and when you light that candle at your wedding it means ONE!

What a bag of roach shit!

 

[Ancalagon44]

The mental leaps this guy goes through to convince himself it is okay for his wife to sleep around is amazing.

Its patriarchal to not want your wife to sleep with other men? Then what would it be for a wife to not want her husband to sleep with other women?

The dude actually needs serious help, not 15 minutes of fame.

 

[Moonbeam]

Several of my wives are like that. Possessiveness is so yesterday.

 

[Dr. Zaus]

Several of my wives are like that. Possessiveness is so yesterday.

There's something fundamental to the human condition that reaches its greatest heights in committing. This works on the social-psychological level, in that we attribute all sorts of other positive attributes to someone if they are our singular source of sexual intercourse; it works on an evolutionary anthropological level, in that societies throughout history that seek to avoid war are also those that seek 1:1 marriages; it works bio-chemically, with individual pheromones and visual-impressions leading to specific reward mechanisms that are dissipated outside of a monogamous relationship.

There are major benefits to being in a 1:1 relationship; benefits that you give up if you become poly-amorous/sex-positive. The benefits of the poly/positive side are apparent; even sheep have more sex when it's not the same old ewe.

You can't gain the benefits of monogamy without being monogamous.

 

[shortylickens]

lulz, feminism = pretending to be ok with your wife as a cum dumpster?

Cum dumpsters are fine, just dont marry one.

And shoot her if she becomes one after marriage.

 

[SMOGZINN]

There are major benefits to being in a 1:1 relationship; benefits that you give up if you become poly-amorous/sex-positive. The benefits of the poly/positive side are apparent; even sheep have more sex when it's not the same old ewe.

I've thought about this a lot, and frankly I can't see many benefits to a monogamous relationship that I can't get in a poly one. I would very much like to hear your thoughts on this subject. What benefits do you think a monogamous relationship has that a polyamorous does not?

 

[LevelSea]

I've thought about this a lot, and frankly I can't see many benefits to a monogamous relationship that I can't get in a poly one. I would very much like to hear your thoughts on this subject. What benefits do you think a monogamous relationship has that a polyamorous does not?

Less nagging.

 

[poofyhairguy]

I've thought about this a lot, and frankly I can't see many benefits to a monogamous relationship that I can't get in a poly one. I would very much like to hear your thoughts on this subject. What benefits do you think a monogamous relationship has that a polyamorous does not?

When she cooks me a package of bacon, I have to share it with NO ONE (well except the little bit she eats). That is my fucking bacon.

 

[Vdubchaos]

What an idiot.

People really do pave their own roads.

 

[Vdubchaos]

Less nagging.

There are many more:
- More people = greater complexity
- More problems
- Like Level Sea said, less nagging
- 2 females for extended periods of time together = cat fight/drama
- Limited time with each member. I dedicate TONS of time to my marriage, and I would love to do more. With 2 women, that would be so much worse!
- 2 sets of inlaws <<<<that's a deal breaker
- too many kids?
- Financial complexity
- legal complexity
- higher risk of STD
- lesser connection

I'm sure I can think of many more.....

and I'm sure there is pros to Poly as well, unfortunately I don't really think I care for any of them. But that's just me.

I'm not saying Poly relationships are wrong either.

 

[SunnyD]

I knew a married couple that decided to try moving to an open relationship.

They ended up divorced.

 

[Spungo]

YGPM bro.

KT

You should try to set him up with a transsexual.

I feel sad after reading the first couple paragraphs of that article. It's possible he enjoys being a cuckold, but I doubt it. I can't imagine being a stay at home wife and hearing of how many women my husband is sleeping with.

 

[dave_the_nerd]

I knew a married couple that decided to try moving to an open relationship.

They ended up divorced.

Me too. She got fat after college, he fucks other women, she drinks a lot. They don't get divorced because they're very, very Catholic. It's pretty sad.

 

[Grooveriding]

This loser needs to get a job and get out from under his wife's bootheel. What a moron.

 

[Dr. Zaus]

I've thought about this a lot, and frankly I can't see many benefits to a monogamous relationship that I can't get in a poly one. I would very much like to hear your thoughts on this subject. What benefits do you think a monogamous relationship has that a polyamorous does not?

Fundamentally, people make poor decisions because we locally optimize for apparent benefits. In relationships, the hedonic benefit of a 1:1 relationship is much less apparent than a poly/positive sexual orientation. My major premise is that the less apparent benefits exist, and should be considered. My conclusion is that for many that may choose a poly/positive sexual orientation, they are locally optimizing. I base this on what i've read in psychology, evolutionary anthropology, and biopsychology.

First the benefits of a poly/positive sexual orientation. From a psychological perspective, we enjoy things when they are novel. For example, food tastes better when you eat little bits of lots of different food. From an evolutionary anthropological perspective, men are motivated to spread seed; particularly when the available male population is low. From a biopsychological perspective, reward mechanisms are triggered during the thrill of the hunt (for a new mate), and dwelling on/idealizing the other can create a self-referential loop that potentiates the previously mentioned benefits.

I'm not making a moral argument. Morality, to me, is about doing right by others. If poly/positive is beneficial for you and those you are with, then it can't be 'immoral'. I'm defiantly not making an argument against poly-marriages. I think any household should be able to commit and share legal rights however they like, regardless of configuration. And i'm not 'afraid' of sex. Sex is awesome and I want people to have it as often as maximizes their well being.

The apparent benefits of poly/positive orientation come with costs that are not apparent in the moment. On the social psychological level we have something called "fundamental attribution"; on an evolutionary anthropological level we have something called "mutualistic interactions"; and on a biopsychological level vasopressin and and oxytocin build over time when social-sexual cues are focused on a singular individual.

I don't want to tl;dr but i'd be happy to put together 500 words (with citations) if you feel it'd be beneficial.

 

[Blitzvogel]

What a cuck. He goes through all sorts of mental gymnastics just to make himself feel better, but you know he's jealous as hell not being wanted sexually. He then spins it into feminist rhetoric to justify what is wife is doing. He agreed to it, because he's a pussy and is weak.

 

[Phoenix86]

I feel sad after reading the first couple paragraphs of that article. It's possible he enjoys being a cuckold, but I doubt it. I can't imagine being a stay at home wife and hearing of how many women my husband is sleeping with.

I hear ya. This relationship would NOT be for me, but if he's truly happy, more power to him. However, I can't help but think he's just convincing himself the situation is OK the same way an abused person does.

 

[poofyhairguy]

The reverse of the story really shows how ridiculous it is:

http://www.avoiceformen.com/mens-ri...women-makes-me-a-better-mens-rights-activist/

 

[SMOGZINN]

Fundamentally, people make poor decisions because we locally optimize for apparent benefits.

Reading this I think you might be under a false impression of what a polyamorous relationship is. Polyamory is not swinging. Polyamory is simply having more than one long term romantic partner at a time.

I'm not making a moral argument. Morality, to me, is about doing right by others.

I did not think you were, and I'm glad we can have a conversation on the topic without it becoming a mud slinging contest. I don't think that there is anything wrong with monogamy, I just think it is not the only workable solution. Monogamy is great for those it works for, but it is disastrous for those it does not, just as many would be miserable if society tried to force them into polyamory.

The apparent benefits of poly/positive orientation come with costs that are not apparent in the moment. On the social psychological level we have something called "fundamental attribution"; on an evolutionary anthropological level we have something called "mutualistic interactions"; and on a biopsychological level vasopressin and and oxytocin build over time when social-sexual cues are focused on a singular individual.

I'm not at all sure where you are going with the fundamental attribution error, you might have to expound on how you see that being a strength of monogamy. As for mutualistic interactions and vasopressin and and oxytocin attenuation, both of those are actually improved in long term poly relationships as opposed to monogamous ones.

I don't want to tl;dr but i'd be happy to put together 500 words (with citations) if you feel i'd be beneficial.

I'm not looking for a dissertation. I'm more interested in your thoughts on the subject than proving some facts.