Well Im kinda speachless ATM

[funboy6942]

Long short story to get cought up. Biological father hadnt see him growing up for over 18 years and were kinda on the mends now trying to start a relationship again, and getting to know one another. Lots-o-emotions been thrown around the last few years talking to one another.

Well many months back and the tornado that went through, over my house landing in the yard across the street taking my neighbors garage, I had some of my shingles taken off, and he asked me to get some quotes to have repaired which I did. I had my roof repaided out of my pocket but the insurance company wont insure us because the back has 4 layers and now the roof needs to be redone completly. We cant afford to get the work done for the quotes to have the roof fixed and tottaly redone with all new shingles all around comes to over $10K. I just got my last quote over the weekend and it was for $13K to have the roof torn down to wood, replace any bad wood, and have a metal roof put on, the sideing that was torn off replaced, and new gutters installed all around, all per his request and I just got off the phone with him about it. I know this was all over my head but I did it because he was wanted it and was very serious about me doing and getting these quotes for him. This needs to be done in order for us to insure the house.

His girlfriend of over 10 years wants to pay for it all and not wanting us to pay her back And wants to pay for our first year of insurance to get it back on our home. We had the house insured when we first moved in and 6 months later was told the house was taken off because they came and looked and saw the back had 4 layers. At that time most of the money from my settlement went to paying offf the bills I had and some other stuff for the house that needed to get doen so I had put it off only to have 6 months later the tornado come through and take some shingles off the back and the front giving us one hell of an awaking. I also didnt know a thing about roofs and didnt know that was anything bad, it didnt leak and was in good visual standing so wasnt worried at the time we moved in and used the money for other stuff we needed. So after that, and, hoping to be able to put it off till next tax season to get the back redone and the insurance put back on the house.

Well she doesnt want us to do that. She wants it all taken off down to the wood and replaced. Turns out it was one of the reasons, my father 2 weeks or so ago, he came here was to kinda spy for her, and, look over my house, and, make sure the rest is in good condition, which it is, and she wants to have it done so that I wont ever have to worry about it. Because in my situation and condition wont be able to take care of anything else should it arise. My old man was here taking pictures, I didnt see him do, of the roof and the hosue to bring back to her. And now I get off the phone, being told what he was doing when he was here, and what she wants to do for us, I am sitting here pretty much speachless not knowing really what to say to a man I was told was a ass hole my whole life growing up, and to his girlfrind who really doesnt know us all that well other then whats been going on the last few years and being told this. Fvcing-a $13K is a shite load of money, not wanting it back, and not really knowing me all that well other then the few times when we lived close we would talk a few times or come over and bs a bit with the kids. We really never got any kind of assistance like this back living in the trailer from her when shite was hitting the fan right after my injurry, and not really knowing what is up now dishing out $13K + on a new roof and insurance. Im speachless and sitting here wonding whats really going on.

Not looking a gift horse in the mouth, and if she wants too I am not going to stop them, it would really be a long time help for us knowing that really is something not to ever worry about pretty much till I a get much older, or if I do pass away soon, my wife and kids would never have to worry about. I just hope no other underneith ideas are brewing, and I trully owe them for the rest of my life if this comes through, and have to find something to do to pay this back to them in some way. Again Im speachless and dont reall yknow how to really aproach them both and say what I havent alread said a hour ago to him and will end up calling directly to her and saying.

What to say what to say between all the crying. Damn I was feeling good, here comes my headach back

Edited best I can ATM.

 

[ForumMaster]

some clifs would help those who are too lazy to read it all. i did read it!

so basically:
torando ruined house preventing you from getting insurance
your dad comes to see the damage
he wants to pay it all.

correct?
that's really really nice of him. i'm not sure if he's trying to buy you back but it's a really nice things of him to do. see how you can slowly repay him. over the years perhaps. just to show that you care and appericiate it. get him a nice thank you gift or something like that.

 

[michaels]

He is not a father, he is a sperm donor.

 

[FoBoT]

sweet, accept it gratefully and pay it forward. there are other things you can do for other people :sun:

 

[funboy6942]

Originally posted by: ForumMaster
some clifs would help those who are too lazy to read it all. i did read it!

so basically:
torando ruined house preventing you from getting insurance
your dad comes to see the damage
he wants to pay it all.

correct?
that's really really nice of him. i'm not sure if he's trying to buy you back but it's a really nice things of him to do. see how you can slowly repay him. over the years perhaps. just to show that you care and appericiate it. get him a nice thank you gift or something like that.

Yeah I guess in a nutshell thats good cliffs.

Oh if it comes though I realll yhave to think of something to pay her back or something nice or something. Trust me something will be said or done on our part for doing this.

 

[GuitarDaddy]

The best thing you can do to repay them is spend as much quality time with them as possible. Your Dad obviously regrets and feels bad about the years he missed and he wants to feel like he's a part of your life and make up for lost time.

The one reality that has hit me in the head like a brick as I've gotten older is that when all is said and done, all we really have in life that matters is family. Fame, money, possesions, none of it means anything without family.

 

[funboy6942]

Originally posted by: GuitarDaddy
The best thing you can do to repay them is spend as much quality time with them as possible. Your Dad obviously regrets and feels bad about the years he missed and he wants to feel like he's a part of your life and make up for lost time.

The one reality that has hit me in the head like a brick as I've gotten older is that when all is said and done, all we really have in life that matters is family. Fame, money, possesions, none of it means anything without family.

That is the truth right there Before the roof was brought up I been mulling this over on how we can find ways of doing this with me not being able to drive myself anymore. He has a better chance of coming here to see us and I hope we can find was of making that happen more often. Seeing him when he came down here few weeks ago made this hit me hard as I watched him drive off. I and my youngest son cried a bit when he left. My youngest doesnt know any other people really on my side other then him and my younger brother, for all of my other family memebers are passed away. He has seen my older brother one time since he has been born and my older brother the times I have spoken to him since he has been born may of asked about my kids and wife 2 times in the last 7 years.

I never met any of my other family memebers on my mothers side. She never wanted us to meet them for some reason growing up and on her death bed made me promise never to look them up. She never said why other then for her growing up with them was to had been a living hell and left left homes not on good terms. Its really hard now that I am older, and not married with a family of my own, to NOT want to look them up. I have no other family mmbers. My brothers and I dont get along because of what we went through as kids. I give a shite about them both but it doesnt go the other way around unfortunatly I found out after I got hurt.

I hope to have brought my kids up to understand that family means everything and not how I was tought and never saw my father or his side of his family, my step fathers side of his family, or any of my mothers. I didnt get to be with my father till after my mother was dying and and never got to meet my grandparents on his side. They were alive after my mother and stepfather died but I was too stupid and brain washed from my parents to want to go further with a relationship with my biological father. It took me getting older, married, hurt, and seeing my wifes side of her familys family to want me to pursue a relationship with my dad. I am kicking myself for not doing this sooner and putting feeling I was brought up as a kid aside, to do this sooner to have spent time with his mother and father. Man lately I have have been on one hell of an emotional rollercoaster pilled up with everything else I am going through.

I am really thinking of trying to look up some of my mothers side now before its to late to do that. I know my mother told me not to but I feel I should for my kids sake. What to do what to do.

 

[moshquerade]

Originally posted by: michaels
He is not a father, he is a sperm donor.

let the OP be the judge of that.

 

[PricklyPete]

I don't know your back story, but obviously your father feels he screwed up and he and his girlfriend would like to be a part of your lives.

If you have forgiven him for his past transgressions, let them pay for this and let them into your lives some more. They seem to be doing this out of genuine concern and desire to help out. If you feel they are doing it to gain some control over you...that is a different matter...but from your description of the situation...I see it as a whole-hearted gift.

 

[Horus]

He's trying to make amends. I think perhaps he and his girlfriend trying to get back into your life. Only you can decide whether this is genuine or bribery...but don't look a gift horse in the mouth on this one. If you need it, let her do it.

 

[michaels]

Not having to do with your kid for years..yeah..that's a sperm donor. a father is one who is there for the kid all the time.

 

[jpeyton]

Nothing fixes missing 18 years of your life like a $13k handout.

 

[FoBoT]

Originally posted by: michaels
Not having to do with your kid for years..yeah..that's a sperm donor. a father is one who is there for the kid all the time.

i don't think that is relevent to whether or not his roof gets fixed and his house gets insured

 

[funboy6942]

Originally posted by: michaels
Not having to do with your kid for years..yeah..that's a sperm donor. a father is one who is there for the kid all the time.

Now wait in his defense a bit I do remember a time when I was around8-10 he found us in Elkheart IN. I remember him pulling up to me in his car and looked at him and asked him if it was really him. I took him to where we were living and my mother and stepfather told my older brother and I to go upstars where I watched them all yelling at each other and it was the last I saw of him and we moved, yet again. Growing up we were always poor and movr 3-4 times maybey in one year.

I have asked him about this and from what I can remember (i asked few years ago and my mem isnt what it used to be) he said he was always trying to find us. He would get a lead and ask contacting the surrounding schools, and that was how he found us in Indiana. My mother is dead so some of the things I have brought up I was told about from my past he had an excuse for, and with my mother and stepfather passed away he could be making up an excuse for his actions, or, I had been lied to my whole life while they were alive. I have to take what I been told in the past and what we talk about now, that happened in the past, and try to make heads or tales of it all. Maybe he really did try all thoes years to find us I dont know. My older brother, when we moved back to Il, looked him up, and it took me getting kicked out of the house living in my car in parking lots, various peoples homes, and at work for a year to look him up so I could get off the street to get my life in order, becuase I was going down hill fast. The whole time I lived with him, at that time, I lived upstairs in the attic of his house and never really came down to talk to him. This is a whole nother story and long one to boot. But I have to give him credit that some of what he has said makes sense and I do remember him finding us one time when I was younger. This was also the 80's so its not like today with the internet and can find people on your own or pay someone $20 to look you up.

Your getting a very little piece of my life pie. I have been through hell and back and have had shite happen to me that have had people look at me in disbelief when I tell them just a little, like now, of what has happened to me. I trully feel I am the poster child for the saying, if it wanst for bad luck I wouldnt have any at all. My life has been shite from day one and all I want to do it for it to catch up and start having some good happen in my life for fvcking once. It just never seems to happen for me.

Being lied to your entire life by the ones who were suposed to love you unconditionaly plays hell on you when you get older as I am finding out. It is really hard for me to understand what is the truth and what is not. Having the ones you live with die on you at an early age (I was a teenager) and then having this and not being able to go bact to them and ask, "why didnt I get to see my father, why did we move so many times, why is my life so fvcked up?????" is hard. And now with him wanting to be in my life, and he was trying to do this before the roof, has played hell on me. Go through what I have as a child and now as an adult before you can really make a judgment. I am having a hell of a time. If my mother wasnt dead this would be a little easier for me to confront her on all the shite I been though as a child ut she isnt. And if she could lie to me all thoes years whos to stop him when I can t confront him on his answers? I am suprised I came out as well as I have being put through all of this.

I do feel this isnt a make up fo rall the times I didnt see you gift. I think siting here mulling it over she want to be nice and help us in a way that would for many many years down the line. Shite shes wrapped up now in this all. My father has no money she does from what I understand. My father doesnt really have two nickles to rub together on his own. Just between all my problems I have now and now finding this out, and our relationship with one another gaddamn how much more. I just want a point in my life I can actually sit back and take a breath without having to worry about something. I dont think I am asking to much in 35 years. I want this whole disabilitly thing and relationship thing to get a point I dont have to worry anymore. I want to sit back and go, whew its finnaly over, get on with my life for Im finnaly no getting screwed somehow.

 

[CKDragon]

I'm not in a position to comment on most of the story, but the tornado issue happened to the place you bought recently and spoke of on Hot Deals? That's a shame.

 

[FoBoT]

it isn't jason's fault if his mother had "issues" with his father

there are two sides to any story and we have neither side of the story between his mom and dad, so it isn't relevent

roofs that don't leak are good !
house insurance is good !

good luck funboy42 :sun:

 

[funboy6942]

Originally posted by: CKDragon
I'm not in a position to comment on most of the story, but the tornado issue happened to the place you bought recently and spoke of on Hot Deals? That's a shame.

Yup like I said if it wasnt for bad luck I would have any. Got the house, got it insured, used up my settlement to get stuff done and paid off, lost the insurance to have a tornado go over it. It could of been a hell of alot worse, but it was worse enough to put a downer back into my situation.

My neighbor now has a garage 3x the size of the run down one that got taken away though so he luck looks like its working out for him thanks to me. I wonder if I had not moved here if a tornado would over ever come through here at all. But someone over shot me and alot of other people ion the town got prolly what we were supposed to have had happen to us. Its ok, tornado season isnt really up and there is always next year for another shot at me.

 

[funboy6942]

Originally posted by: FoBoT
it isn't jason's fault if his mother had "issues" with his father

there are two sides to any story and we have neither side of the story between his mom and dad, so it isn't relevent

roofs that don't leak are good !
house insurance is good !

good luck funboy42 :sun:

I see the good but nothing good EVER happens to my life without bad coming back to bite me 10x worse then the good I got.

If you were me youd be afraid, like I am, to really except it, for the bad that will be unleased upon me, lets see, I take $13K for the roof and have 35 years of not worrying about it means Im in for a $130K + bad luck hit

 

[rudder]

Originally posted by: michaels
Not having to do with your kid for years..yeah..that's a sperm donor. a father is one who is there for the kid all the time.

well people screw up for whatever reason... not many people are perfect like you. I am not excusing the poor performance/history of the father. The past is done. What is important now is what the father is trying to do. But nayway the OP didn't write all this for you to thread crap.

 

[K1052]

Judging by what you've posted you mother may have indeed kept your father away. It seems like he wants to make good on not being there (not just about the money). Crazy crap happens in divorce, my own mother fed me a ton of BS about my father. Thankfuly my father is a very persistant man with a good lawyer or else she might have succeeded in keeping me from him entirely.

Never make a judgement until you hear both sides, the truth usually is in between somewhere though it may lean to one person more than another.