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Well, I did it... I pulled away. And now it stinks.

M

manlymatt83

Lifer
Hi all,

Many of you will remember This Thread..

Well, last night she called me from her remote location to say Good Bye, because she's dissapearing for about three weeks on a sub-trip (a trip WITHIN her 5 month trip), and we weren't able to talk. She called and I originally didn't pick up.... then I called her back cause I didn't want her to worry. She was like "I love you", and my response was "I can't.... I can't say it anymore...". She got upset and the conversation was very weird and I was like "Be safe" and then we got off the phone without saying I love you for the first time ever. Its just that her attitude of us ("I love you and I'm attached to you but....") has finally gotten to me.

Now I regret not saying i Love you back to her, but its too late. She left this morning and shes gone for 3 weeks. And with me not saying that to her, now she might meet someone or something. Sigh.
 
You'll get over it. Or shatter inwardly. Fortunately, you can handily vaccinate yourself from the latter by making yourself a reuben sandwich and having a glass of Stella Artois.
 
That girl's kind of a bitch... she had a really lame excuse for breaking up with you in the first place. Now you're just the guy she can call up when she feels like it and get affection without having to be near you or commit to anything. Can't you see she's playing you? You did the right thing telling her you can't say it anymore. If you're smart, you won't say it to her again unless she comes back begging and ready to have an actual relationship.
 
Was this the original thread where someone was left on lame excuses 'cause the girl wanted to go on a bangin' trip but keep him as reserve?
Damn, other mothers have nice daughters, too...
 
If you want to get over her, the more contact you have with her, the harder and longer it will be. Trust me on this one, I seen this happen first hand to a friend.

BTW, Stella FTW!
 
Originally posted by: hjo3
That girl's kind of a bitch... she had a really lame excuse for breaking up with you in the first place. Now you're just the guy she can call up when she feels like it and get affection without having to be near you or commit to anything. Can't you see she's playing you? You did the right thing telling her you can't say it anymore. If you're smart, you won't say it to her again unless she comes back begging and ready to have an actual relationship.
Click to expand...

QFT.

And even if she came back, I'd be iffy about taking her back. You can't just split out on someone after a relationship that long and expect to come back at any time and pick it up like it was nothing.
 
So me pulling away last night the night before she left and not giving her the satisfaction of saying "I love you too" (I could tell she was sad) was the right thing to do? I hate to make her unhappy... :-(
 
Originally posted by: BobDaMenkey
Originally posted by: hjo3
That girl's kind of a bitch... she had a really lame excuse for breaking up with you in the first place. Now you're just the guy she can call up when she feels like it and get affection without having to be near you or commit to anything. Can't you see she's playing you? You did the right thing telling her you can't say it anymore. If you're smart, you won't say it to her again unless she comes back begging and ready to have an actual relationship.
Click to expand...
QFT.

And even if she came back, I'd be iffy about taking her back. You can't just split out on someone after a relationship that long and expect to come back at any time and pick it up like it was nothing.
Click to expand...
Totally. I'm just guessing he'd give her the benefit of the doubt -- i.e. assume she did it because she was naive and not because she's manipulative and selfish (which is, unfortunately, more likely).
 
Originally posted by: mjuszczak
So me pulling away last night the night before she left and not giving her the satisfaction of saying "I love you too" (I could tell she was sad) was the right thing to do? I hate to make her unhappy... :-(
Click to expand...
Without a doubt. She knows exactly what she needs to do if she seriously wants you to say it again with conviction.
 
"Love" could also mean extreme caring to another. You could've still said "I love you" and then come back with "... but as a friend now".
 
Originally posted by: hjo3
Originally posted by: BobDaMenkey
Originally posted by: hjo3
That girl's kind of a bitch... she had a really lame excuse for breaking up with you in the first place. Now you're just the guy she can call up when she feels like it and get affection without having to be near you or commit to anything. Can't you see she's playing you? You did the right thing telling her you can't say it anymore. If you're smart, you won't say it to her again unless she comes back begging and ready to have an actual relationship.
Click to expand...
QFT.

And even if she came back, I'd be iffy about taking her back. You can't just split out on someone after a relationship that long and expect to come back at any time and pick it up like it was nothing.
Click to expand...
Totally. I'm just guessing he'd give her the benefit of the doubt -- i.e. assume she did it because she was naive and not because she's manipulative and selfish (which is, unfortunately, more likely).
Click to expand...


Well up until yesterday I was giving her the responses she needed to here. " I miss you ".... " I miss you too! " ... and going out of my way for her. But I always felt she took advantage of me because I was her first boyfriend. Even up until yesterday, I felt she didn't appreciate me all the time. But even without that, she still has these doubts, and I respect them, but I can't keep hurting anymore because of them.

And plus, by me pulling away, and her having time on her own, maybe she'll realize what she's going to lose/is already losing.
 
Originally posted by: mjuszczak
Originally posted by: hjo3
Originally posted by: BobDaMenkey
Originally posted by: hjo3
That girl's kind of a bitch... she had a really lame excuse for breaking up with you in the first place. Now you're just the guy she can call up when she feels like it and get affection without having to be near you or commit to anything. Can't you see she's playing you? You did the right thing telling her you can't say it anymore. If you're smart, you won't say it to her again unless she comes back begging and ready to have an actual relationship.
Click to expand...
QFT.

And even if she came back, I'd be iffy about taking her back. You can't just split out on someone after a relationship that long and expect to come back at any time and pick it up like it was nothing.
Click to expand...
Totally. I'm just guessing he'd give her the benefit of the doubt -- i.e. assume she did it because she was naive and not because she's manipulative and selfish (which is, unfortunately, more likely).
Click to expand...


Well up until yesterday I was giving her the responses she needed to here. " I miss you ".... " I miss you too! " ... and going out of my way for her. But I always felt she took advantage of me because I was her first boyfriend. Even up until yesterday, I felt she didn't appreciate me all the time. But even without that, she still has these doubts, and I respect them, but I can't keep hurting anymore because of them.

And plus, by me pulling away, and her having time on her own, maybe she'll realize what she's going to lose/is already losing.
Click to expand...
Exactly. I'm glad to see you're thinking about this rationally even though it must be painful. If she doesn't try to fix things, you'll know it was never meant to be.
 
Originally posted by: hjo3
Originally posted by: mjuszczak
Originally posted by: hjo3
Originally posted by: BobDaMenkey
Originally posted by: hjo3
That girl's kind of a bitch... she had a really lame excuse for breaking up with you in the first place. Now you're just the guy she can call up when she feels like it and get affection without having to be near you or commit to anything. Can't you see she's playing you? You did the right thing telling her you can't say it anymore. If you're smart, you won't say it to her again unless she comes back begging and ready to have an actual relationship.
Click to expand...
QFT.

And even if she came back, I'd be iffy about taking her back. You can't just split out on someone after a relationship that long and expect to come back at any time and pick it up like it was nothing.
Click to expand...
Totally. I'm just guessing he'd give her the benefit of the doubt -- i.e. assume she did it because she was naive and not because she's manipulative and selfish (which is, unfortunately, more likely).
Click to expand...


Well up until yesterday I was giving her the responses she needed to here. " I miss you ".... " I miss you too! " ... and going out of my way for her. But I always felt she took advantage of me because I was her first boyfriend. Even up until yesterday, I felt she didn't appreciate me all the time. But even without that, she still has these doubts, and I respect them, but I can't keep hurting anymore because of them.

And plus, by me pulling away, and her having time on her own, maybe she'll realize what she's going to lose/is already losing.
Click to expand...
Exactly. I'm glad to see you're thinking about this rationally even though it must be painful. If she doesn't try to fix things, you'll know it was never meant to be.
Click to expand...

Yeah, but it still hurts to know I made her cry last night the night before she leaves for three weeks...
 
Originally posted by: mjuszczak
Originally posted by: hjo3
Originally posted by: BobDaMenkey
Originally posted by: hjo3
That girl's kind of a bitch... she had a really lame excuse for breaking up with you in the first place. Now you're just the guy she can call up when she feels like it and get affection without having to be near you or commit to anything. Can't you see she's playing you? You did the right thing telling her you can't say it anymore. If you're smart, you won't say it to her again unless she comes back begging and ready to have an actual relationship.
Click to expand...
QFT.

And even if she came back, I'd be iffy about taking her back. You can't just split out on someone after a relationship that long and expect to come back at any time and pick it up like it was nothing.
Click to expand...
Totally. I'm just guessing he'd give her the benefit of the doubt -- i.e. assume she did it because she was naive and not because she's manipulative and selfish (which is, unfortunately, more likely).
Click to expand...


Well up until yesterday I was giving her the responses she needed to here. " I miss you ".... " I miss you too! " ... and going out of my way for her. But I always felt she took advantage of me because I was her first boyfriend. Even up until yesterday, I felt she didn't appreciate me all the time. But even without that, she still has these doubts, and I respect them, but I can't keep hurting anymore because of them.

And plus, by me pulling away, and her having time on her own, maybe she'll realize what she's going to lose/is already losing.
Click to expand...


I fail to understand this need of hers to experience other waters, especially if she knows you will be the one. She is just afraid of final committment.
 
Originally posted by: mjuszczak
Originally posted by: hjo3
Originally posted by: mjuszczak
Originally posted by: hjo3
Originally posted by: BobDaMenkey
Originally posted by: hjo3
That girl's kind of a bitch... she had a really lame excuse for breaking up with you in the first place. Now you're just the guy she can call up when she feels like it and get affection without having to be near you or commit to anything. Can't you see she's playing you? You did the right thing telling her you can't say it anymore. If you're smart, you won't say it to her again unless she comes back begging and ready to have an actual relationship.
Click to expand...
QFT.

And even if she came back, I'd be iffy about taking her back. You can't just split out on someone after a relationship that long and expect to come back at any time and pick it up like it was nothing.
Click to expand...
Totally. I'm just guessing he'd give her the benefit of the doubt -- i.e. assume she did it because she was naive and not because she's manipulative and selfish (which is, unfortunately, more likely).
Click to expand...


Well up until yesterday I was giving her the responses she needed to here. " I miss you ".... " I miss you too! " ... and going out of my way for her. But I always felt she took advantage of me because I was her first boyfriend. Even up until yesterday, I felt she didn't appreciate me all the time. But even without that, she still has these doubts, and I respect them, but I can't keep hurting anymore because of them.

And plus, by me pulling away, and her having time on her own, maybe she'll realize what she's going to lose/is already losing.
Click to expand...
Exactly. I'm glad to see you're thinking about this rationally even though it must be painful. If she doesn't try to fix things, you'll know it was never meant to be.
Click to expand...

Yeah, but it still hurts to know I made her cry last night the night before she leaves for three weeks...
Click to expand...
Well if it didn't you wouldn't be human... making girls cry should never feel good. It's for the best though.
 
Originally posted by: hjo3
That girl's kind of a bitch... she had a really lame excuse for breaking up with you in the first place. Now you're just the guy she can call up when she feels like it and get affection without having to be near you or commit to anything. Can't you see she's playing you? You did the right thing telling her you can't say it anymore. If you're smart, you won't say it to her again unless she comes back begging and ready to have an actual relationship.
Click to expand...

Yeah, she's trying to convert him over into her intellectual whore while she goes out with other guys.

You're better off without her.
 
Better its happening now since there's no way of contact for awhile. That should actually help you.
I've been somewhat in your situation a couple times and am in it now even again with a girl who's only ever been a friend. When some girls move on they try to string you along to keep their emotional needs topped up until some other guy gets close enough to do it all alone. She's trying to play you and just use you now. Her needs for you are real but they're totally selfish and you wont be getting what you want out of the relationship. Forgive her for missing out on something good and go give some other girl a chance.
 
Originally posted by: RegaPlanet
Better its happening now since there's no way of contact for awhile. That should actually help you.
I've been somewhat in your situation a couple times and am in it now even again with a girl who's only ever been a friend. When some girls move on they try to string you along to keep their emotional needs topped up until some other guy gets close enough to do it all alone. She's trying to play you and just use you now. Her needs for you are real but they're totally selfish and you wont be getting what you want out of the relationship. Forgive her for missing out on something good and go give some other girl a chance.
Click to expand...


This is a perfect response. I liked it a lot. Thanks!

Its just frustrating for her to claim the only reason shes letting me go is because she "can't get it out of her head that I'm the only boy she's ever dated"... and that she has NO DOUBTS about her feelings towards me.

I like thats ******* and I think she needs to realize what she's letting go...

I don't think I feel bad anymore about how I acted last night.
 
Originally posted by: mjuszczak
Originally posted by: Krazy4Real
You're definately better off without her.
Click to expand...


OK ;-( I'll try to believe that.

Here's a pic of us btw: http://www.atopia.net/scratch/mandh.jpg

We WERE so cute then :-(
Click to expand...

woah, not to be rude, but you guys look like brother and sister.

Sounds like you're handling things the right way. I had a 4 year break up and had to do the same thing. Have met an amazing girl since then. Everything turns for the better.
 
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