ways to change someone's priorities...

[Angrymarshmello]

Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to get someone to "lighten" up so to speak? A certain friend of mine (call him Bob) is really focused on school and work, and prioritizes everything around those two things. Then there's this person (call her Jane) who likes Bob, and the attraction is mutual. Jane likes Bob, but Bob can't seem to rearrange his priorities to fit in time for Jane. Is there any suggestions as to how Bob can somehow loosen up and not be so uptight when it comes to social relationships?

 

[Yzzim]

Maybe this "Bob" is gay

 

[Azraele]

Just talk to him. Have him make up a schedule that includes free time to spend with her, like dinner for example. If he's uptight socially, then just tell him to relax and be himself and not to worry about what others might think. Taking a deep breath and tensing and then relaxing the muscles helps to losen "uptightness." Also have him have a few topics of discussion ready so there are no moments of uncomfortable silence. If he has a really busy schedule at any given time, tell him to take a few minutes to call her, or have her call him at an arranged time. That way he will be showing an effort to make time for her.

 

[LIBERTYorDEATH]

Have you thought of getting "Bob" inebriated ?

Then take him to "Jane's" house and push him thru the door, and when she is done with him perhaps he will be cured.

 

[JeffreyLebowski]

Hate to say it, but if Bob won't schedule rearange his schedule to spend time with Jane, then maybe Bob isn't quite as interested in Jane as she thinks he is.

Or if Jane would like Jeff to make Bob change his schedule Carrolton isn't to far from Jeff's house.

 

[littleprince]

i don't see why you should change his priorities?
its not like their that bad now
he obviously has long term success ahead in his priorites over short term love

... i'm not saying him and that girl can't get married or anything...

but i think you should let him be... you could seriously mess up his life

scenario: you get him to loosen up, he falls in love with her, she dumps him, he gets screwed in the head, school marks sux than, and there goes his whole future

 

[urbantechie]

Maybe Bob and Jane need to do the nasty thing and that will fix him up.

 

[konichiwa]

Have her approach him in a very thin layer of neglige and tell him that in order to remove that very thin layer of neglige, he has to "change his priorities"

 

[mundania]

I guess just be there for Bob. Try to take him out, have fun, but don't push it. You just have to hope that Bob will come around and realize how important Jane is, and that she won't be there forever. Meanwhile, Jane should continue to live life like she normally does.

 

[Elita1]

I agree to talk to him.
He needs to learn to balance things. If he won't listen, he may just have to learn that lesson on his own. Be an encouragement for him to do this, and try not to pressure him so much that he finds a distaste for doing anything other than studying
Good luck

 

[Noriaki]

I tell you right now, I'm in 3rd of university and that is priority 1 to me. In 2 years I'll graduate and I'll be done school forever. It's not like I'm a social reject, or don't like girls, I'd quite like to have a relationship, but at this point in my life I have to get a good education so I can get a good job and secure my future. No woman is worth throwing that away, and most women want more time than I have to offer so I stay single. That's not to say I'm unwilling to give a Woman any of my time, but it seems to me that most women want alot more of my time that I have to offer at this point in my life.

Sorry "Jane" but if "Bob" is like me maybe his Education is very important to him, and if you try to take that away from him you could mess up something he may be working very hard for.

Now granted I don't know this guy at all, nor will I pretend I do; but it's a possiblity that he is conciously choosing his education. The time you are in univeristy is a very small portion of your life, you have close to 40 years after you finish school where you work during the day and evenings and weekends are empty, and there is a short time of 4 where your life is busier. Some people look at University as a big party, others don't. You can't try and change that.

Now having said that, have "Jane" talk to "Bob" and explain her feelings. Maybe he's just a bit thick and doesn't realize he's neglecting her, but if it's a concious choice to make his Education priority 1, then "Jane" has to respect that. Even if she did change "Bob" is might really mess up his life, and make him resent her, and I don't think "Jane" wants that.

 

[eakers]

tell him dont
he'll just spend 3 years of his life rearranging his priorities for her to say "i just dont know how i feel anymore"
then he will see what a crappy situation hes in because she tricked him into thinking he was in love.

*kat. <-- doesnt even have priorities anymore.

 

[Phil21]

yes. sex.

-Phil

 

[Angrymarshmello]

Thanks for the advice...I'll keep that in mind when I talk to &quot;Bob&quot; later....thanks again