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Was this guy being abusive to his kids?

NuclearNed

NuclearNed

Raconteur
So there is this late 30's-ish early 40's-ish guy who comes to the gym pretty regularly, and he almost always brings his son, who looks to be about 9-10 years old. Just from his appearance, my guess is that this guy has never been real athletic, but instead has always been a wannabe. His kid looks like a typical 10-year-old: skinny as a rail, and extremely quiet and shy. The kid works out under his Dad's supervision.

What I'm about to describe is something I've noticed with these guys before, but last night my wife noticed it too for the first time. I only mention that because I wasn't sure if maybe I was being a little sensitive about the situation, but my wife agreed with me. The man berates the kid during his workout constantly, and in a mean way (i.e. mean sounding voice, insulting manner).

I'm accustomed to lifting partners trying to goad/encourage their partners to push themselves harder, but this guy was saying things like <raised angry voice> "last time you lifted 20 and now you only lifted 15!!! Thats just pathetic!!! You ought to be ashamed of yourself!!!" </raised angry voice>. The kid just constantly looks scared and intimidated.

So who thinks thats abuse?
 
abuse? no. its his kid, and maybe thats the way he has to motivate him. he couldve took him for ice cream and hugs when they left the gym for all anyone knows.

though i dont know why any parent would motivate their 10yo to lift weights.
 
i'd say the typical 10 year old was fat as butter actually, especially in the US of Fat or Australia 😉
 
Eh, you don't know what kind of rapport that father has with his kids. The kid was probably scared and intimidated because he was beaten up from lifting the weights.

IMO, it's just a father and son type of interaction.
 
Originally posted by: DPmaster
Who the heck makes their 10-year old kid work out at the gym like that?
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That's what I was thinking. 10 is too young to be lifting weights and it can be potentially harmful if pushed too far. Need to save that for when he becomes a teenager.
 
Originally posted by: DPmaster
Who the heck makes their 10-year old kid work out at the gym like that?
Click to expand...



probably isnt making him, but who knows. i know my 8yo son plays with my weights all the time. its the whole "boys and muscles" thing.
 
Verbal abuse yes, a ten year old does not deserve to be berated like that. You should offer to spot the guy one time and just totally belittle him.
 
I'd call it abusive. Anytime you berate anyone, you're being abusive. And I agree, who makes their 10 year old work out? I mean, I'm sure he's not making him. I'm sure the kids ask his father every day, "Dad, can we go to the gym so you can berate me and make me feel like a loser?? Please, pretty please??"

I can't stand people like that. Makes my skin crawl.
 
i don't know if you mean legally abusive or what, but that behavior is wrong. telling your child they should be ashamed etc is wrong

the parents job is to build the child tool box of life skills and while weight lifting is good for the body, being publically berated by your father doesn't build a childs confidence and self esteem

he is a bad father
 
Well i guess if you have a different view of what abuse is, but when i look at abuse it would be the dad hitting the son across the face. Something along those lines. I would say not abuse, but just mean.

BTW,a 10year old working out? I dont see how that would effective.
 
i thought abuse was physical? i delt with it all my childhood, but saying stuff dont matter who cares, people these days think anything is abusive.
 
Originally posted by: MrX8503
Well i guess if you have a different view of what abuse is, but when i look at abuse it would be the dad hitting the son across the face. Something along those lines. I would say not abuse, but just mean.

BTW,a 10year old working out? I dont see how that would effective.
Click to expand...

Abuse can be more than physical. It can be verbal as well.
 
Originally posted by: FoBoT
i don't know if you mean legally abusive or what, but that behavior is wrong. telling your child they should be ashamed etc is wrong

the parents job is to build the child tool box of life skills and while weight lifting is good for the body, be publically berated by your father doesn't build a childs confidence and self esteem

he is a bad father
Click to expand...

:thumbsup: What he said.
 
to me he is being abusive. Kids are so sensitive at that age. It is a critical time in their lives when their personality and self esteem are being molded.
That is not right at all. I agree with you that you are not being too sensitive about it.
🙁
 
It might be abusive but, as it's already been pointed out, it's not your business how somebody else deals with their kid.
 
Originally posted by: Mursilis
Originally posted by: FoBoT
i don't know if you mean legally abusive or what, but that behavior is wrong. telling your child they should be ashamed etc is wrong

the parents job is to build the child tool box of life skills and while weight lifting is good for the body, be publically berated by your father doesn't build a childs confidence and self esteem

he is a bad father
Click to expand...

:thumbsup: What he said.
Click to expand...


Agreed. Witnessing that kind of stuff makes me cringe.
 
if thats verbal abuse im sure the kid is abused every single day on the playground at recess.

for all anyone knows, the kid may want to work out and was slacking off that day, so dad was doing his job by putting some fire in his ass. or, dad could just be a grade a asshole. no way to tell from such limited details.
 
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