Was the breakup b/w me and my girlfriend my fault?

RecklaZ

Senior member
Mar 13, 2001
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Me and my ex gf were going out for 1year and 2 months till we decided to end it because she was getting pissed because she felt i left her for last and didn't make time for her. Well I'm a senior in highschool, work on fridays, sats and sunds and I'm a very busy man. I see her at least once a week because she lives 30 minutes away and her mom wont let her go out on school nights. Not my fault. Anyways, she expects me to call her as soon as i get home from school, right before i go to work, right when i get home from work and every single second that i'm not busy. When the hell do i have time to relax?

Shes extremely good looking. a 9.5 out of 10 for me but i didn't stay with her for this long because of her looks. I really care for her and the few times she was happy she made me feel like the luckiest guy in the world.

Shes a very depressed and pestimistic young lady, I just can't deal with that. I'm exactly the oposite, optimistic and love life. Thats why she liked me so much, i had a bright side to everything but i just couldn't be the same with her anymore. Everything i told her to make her better on her sad moments didn't work too good and i had to deal with sleeping on average at 3am every night talking to her on the phone and waking up at 6am the next. There were many times were i told her to seek professional help but she just didn't want to and didn't have the money.

After a year I decided this wasn't healthy for either of us and wasn't going anywhere. The first 3 months were great but after that i was never really happy. So i started thinking more about myself. I came first from now on and avoided her sometimes to go out and have fun with my friends instead of staying home and talking to her on the phone all night listening to her negative thoughts about everything.

I have made her very very sad because of this and she has cried many times. I just couldn't end it myself until she finally ended it. It was a painless breakup for me but not for her.

Was i wrong?

 

boyRacer

Lifer
Oct 1, 2001
18,569
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Originally posted by: The Dancing Peacock
The first 3 months were great but after that i was never really happy


Why stay in a relationship where you aren't happy? No one's fault, it just wasn't a compatible situation.

Maybe because he was happy... there's always that possibility that they could be happy again. Hell I was like that... it tooks some btchslapping to knock some sense into me. :D
 

RecklaZ

Senior member
Mar 13, 2001
305
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Well i care because i still love her and i might still want to be wit hher when shes out of depression.
 

woodie1

Diamond Member
Mar 7, 2000
5,947
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One thing you must remember, when breaking up it is always the boy who is at fault. Girls can do no wrong.

It's in the bible somewhere......:D
 

vtqanh

Diamond Member
Jan 4, 2001
3,100
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i think none of you was at fault. I think she has been constantly feeling insecured, that's why she needed you to call her every single possible second, to know that there's someone there for her. There has to be a reason for this. You mentioned that you guys had been talking a lot of nights up to 3 am; did you have a chance to know the reason of her feeling insecured and depressed?

Well i care because i still love her and i might still want to be wit hher when shes out of depression

Then you have to try to understand the cause. you can help her find a job, or something that she can devote her time to other than you
 

kami333

Diamond Member
Dec 12, 2001
5,110
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Doesn't sound like anyone's fault, you guys just didn't work out.

My gf's roommate is like that, very insecure and always looking for something to latch onto. Her family is complicated cause her mother died when she was young and her father remarried but got divorced and now he's "dating" again, which probably adds to her stress. Last year she spent all her time complaining that she doesn't have a bf, no one likes her, she'll never find love, etc, etc. She has a bf now but it seems more like she has one just to be with someone, not because she particulary loves him. Now she obsesses over how she looks, she'll go bulimic for a few days and stuff like that, and is always calling him.

My gf on the other hand, well, she's just like me in many ways. Very ambitious and focused, which is great cause she's low mantinience;)
 

Eli

Super Moderator | Elite Member
Oct 9, 1999
50,419
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81
Nope.. not your fault. You shouldn't be expected to stay in a relationship that you aren't happy in.

My girlfriend is low maintenance, too. :) She doesen't seem to have any of those typical weird "girl problems".

Well, except maybe the spontaneously without any logical reason whatsoever changing her mind part. :p
 

nickname1

Member
Aug 5, 2001
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Originally posted by: The Dancing Peacock
The first 3 months were great but after that i was never really happy


Why stay in a relationship where you aren't happy? No one's fault, it just wasn't a compatible situation.

amen.

If you stayed with her when you aren't happy that is unfair to her anyway, unfortunately she just can't see it that way right now.
You are in the right.
 

Deeko

Lifer
Jun 16, 2000
30,213
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81
Seems like an issue of not looking for the same things in a relationship, not necassarily the person. I know ALLL about that one.
 

PowerEngineer

Diamond Member
Oct 22, 2001
3,598
774
136

No, it's not your fault. As others have said, you have no obligation to stay in a relationship that doesn't make you happy. At your stage in life, it's absolutely necessary for both people to be happy. This is a learning process for both of you, and hopefully you'll both learn a lot more before entering into a permanent relationship (what marriage is supposed to be).

Since you're a high school senior, I assume that college is probably next. Maintaining even a good relationship with a high school "sweetheart" through that transition is very tough. It's a good time to be "unattached".
 

The Wildcard

Platinum Member
Oct 31, 1999
2,743
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Two words come to my mind. I might be totally wrong but this is what i am guessing.

High Maintenance

 

MO0t

Junior Member
Nov 28, 2002
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Originally posted by: RecklaZ
Well i care because i still love her and i might still want to be wit hher when shes out of depression.

Don't count on that being any time soon. Depression is a long lasting/permanent disease. I'm fairly sure that being avoided by her own boyfriend has helped in making her more aware that she can't turn to anyone. Playing with a depressed person's mind is horrid. Be honest with them. Uncertainty can be the biggest catalyst for depression in people. The relationship did have to be ended, but don't ever end one like that again.
 

AlienCraft

Lifer
Nov 23, 2002
10,539
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You're a senior in High school and you've been steady for a year and a half?
Then it was probably time for you to move on. Try to stay a friend and who knows how things will work out in the future.
 

Ime

Diamond Member
May 3, 2001
3,661
0
76
RecklaZ: Move on, dude. Go finder someone better for you.

Everyone else: Move along, nothing to see here.
 

MrDudeMan

Lifer
Jan 15, 2001
15,069
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so when did you become a masochist?


you werent wrong, just about 1 yr tardy of your descision. you werent happy for a whole year out of a 1.25 yr relationship? wow...
 

Siddhartha

Lifer
Oct 17, 1999
12,505
3
81
Sounds like her needs were not being met in your relationship. She wanted more, time and attention, than you were willing to give her.