Was I wrong?

[geno]

OK, help me out here. I'm catching so much flak for something that happened a while ago, and I'm curious to get an unbiased opinion.

My mom and her fiance buy a house close to me (I had been living with my grandmother since my mom moved 1hr away with her fiancee, I turned down the opportunity to move). Anyways, the house was getting "freshened up", and part of that included tearing up a raggedy plywood flooring setup in the basement. My mom's fiancee asks me (this is back during thanksgiving break) if I could come by (and I quote) "sometime during the week" to tear the floor up. I said sure, I'll bring a buddy by the afternoon after Thanksgiving and we'll get working. The day after thanksgiving (I was asked to do this the day before TG), I go by my grandmothers to put on some junky clothes, and my mom is there visiting. The convo goes like this:

"Where have you been?"
"Picking my friend up so we can get to the house"
"Forget it, it's already done"
"What do you mean? We were going right now"
"It's too late"
"I said I'd be there thursday afternoon, it's not even 4 yet"

So my mom's fiancee took the liberty of doing it before I even got there, and now they're making me out to be the asshole. Now I'm being looked at (by the whole family now) as lazy, inconsiderate, etc...

Was I wrong? I said I'd be by there on thursday afternoon, I even picked my friend up to get to work. I would've been at the house in 2 mins (it's RIGHT around the corner from my grandmother's), so since when is 4pm to late to get going on a stupid little floor? I told my mother time and time again, I am NOT wrong for what I did. I said I was going to be there thursday afternoon, and I was. Not to mention the whole thing was presented to me as "come by whenever you can", which makes me feel even more screwed :|

 

[Orsorum]

If they didn't specify a time, and didn't communicate to you that they expected you to be there at 1 or 2, I don't think they have any right to blame you.

It sounds as if your mom and her fiance have issues of their own.

 

[911paramedic]

He wanted it done earlier and was impatient, not your fault. Tell him to get a grip.

 

[Nohr]

There's this neat thing out called a phone. You should tell them about it.

 

[agnitrate]

Not your fault. If they didn't specify a time, then they should have waited. Wasn't it proof enough for them that you were going since you were already dressed/picked up your friend? 4 o'clock is still the afternoon to me so I think you are right about this one. Tell them to lighten up.

-silver

 

[geno]

My mom's gripe is mostly because I was helping my girlfriend shovel earlier. Hey driveway was plowed in and she didn't even have a shovel. Her dad was out of town (in Cambodia) and it was either her or her mother that was going to be shoveling that heavy crap (and it was heavy!). So the reason I didn't show up at noon on the dot was because I was helping my gf shovel. So my mom thinks I was putting someone elses house before mine (which we weren't even moved into yet). I dunno what else to say to her/them other than "I'm not wrong"

 

[Kadarin]

Originally posted by: geno
My mom's gripe is mostly because I was helping my girlfriend shovel earlier. Hey driveway was plowed in and she didn't even have a shovel. Her dad was out of town (in Cambodia) and it was either her or her mother that was going to be shoveling that heavy crap (and it was heavy!). So the reason I didn't show up at noon on the dot was because I was helping my gf shovel. So my mom thinks I was putting someone elses house before mine (which we weren't even moved into yet). I dunno what else to say to her/them other than "I'm not wrong"

They have issues for some reason.

 

[farmercal]

Gino, in time the whole thing will just blow over. Just don't put barriers between yourself and your mom over a little disagreement like this. My dad and his sister got into an argument about something really dumb and stopped associating with each other. She died suddenly before they could ever make up. Life is too short man.

 

[McCarthy]

You didn't do anything wrong.

As for the suggestions to 'tell them ....' There is nothing to fight about and that's what it'll turn into. Keep doing what's right and don't let others pull you down when you do. Not saying to be a doormat and just take the abuse, what I'm saying is this is one of those moments you have to try to figure out the difference between taking abuse and letting it bounce off without hurting you. It's all about how you deal with it. Them you can't change, you you can. So far so good on that account since you were willing to help and even bring a friend. The test here isn't if you did right or wrong, but how you deal with the result that came anyway.

 

[geno]

Dude, I've tried so hard. I'm not giving up, I still love my mom, ya kno....but it's like I catch way too much flak - and I'm a good person! I don't say that like patting myself on the back, but I do everything in good intentions, it's not like I'm an ass or anything. And for some reason, I'm getting treated like I don't belong there. If that keeps up, I'm going to end up moving out I guess....

 

[Citation]

How about offering to help with some future work that they could use assistance in order to smooth things over. Then again, I'm sure if you redid your girlfriends floor, that would show your mom and her fiancee that you aren't lazy =)


-Cit

 

[Placer14]

I'd tell her she needs to get over it. But in a more respectful way since it's your mom. I don't see anything wrong there.

 

[Red Dawn]

Tell your Mother's Fiance to shove it as it's obvious that he's trying to get between your mother and you. You'll never be #1 in her eyes now that he's around. Time to start thinking of a way to do him in. Does he have life insurance?

 

[gotsmack]

no amount of explaining is going to get her to see your side of things. you should start ignoring her for a while and then let her call you. by then she'll have forgotten about it. thats what I do.

 

[her209]

Disown your mom.

 

[Aceshigh]

I said sure, I'll bring a buddy by thursday afternoon and we'll get working. The day after thanksgiving (I was asked to do this the day before TG), I go by my grandmothers to put on some junky clothes, and my mom is there visiting. The convo goes like this:

You do know that Thanksgiving falls on Thursday don't you? That would make it Friday when they told you it had already been done.

 

[geno]

Originally posted by: Red Dawn
Tell your Mother's Fiance to shove it as it's obvious that he's trying to get between your mother and you. You'll never be #1 in her eyes now that he's around. Time to start thinking of a way to do him in. Does he have life insurance?

lol Red, you have such a delicate way with these things....

 

[geno]

You do know that Thanksgiving falls on Thursday don't you? That would make it Friday when they told you it had already been done.

Sorry, maybe it was friday then, because it was going to be the day after thanksgiving I was going over there.

 

[Geekbabe]

It sounds like there was miscommunication on both sides concerning the time frame for this work.4pm is a tad on the late side to be starting a job that big.

 

[geno]

Originally posted by: Geekbabe
It sounds like there was miscommunication on both sides concerning the time frame for this work.4pm is a tad on the late side to be starting a job that big.

It wasn't big, there was about a 10x12 area coated with plywood. A couple of hours with a clawhammer and we would've been done.

 

[Aceshigh]

I wouldn't stress out about it. Just reassure your mom that you did intend to do it. And leave it at that. Doesn't sound like that big a deal.

 

[Mustangrrl]

Yeah, I was going to say it sounds like you were a day late. Go to your mom/stepdad and tell them that you are sorry, you feel like everyone is mad at your for not getting that done when you said you would, tell them you'd like to make it up to them by helping them with something else AND THEN REALLY DO IT.

It'll suck, of course, because it's not your house and it's not your job to do their hard labor for free, but sometimes with parents you have to suck it up a little bit and go out of your way to set things right.

 

[Moonbeam]

Afternoon: The part of day from noon until sunset.

 

[Evadman]

Originally posted by: Moonbeam
Afternoon: The part of day from noon until sunset.

Hellow master of the obvious. I fingured you would have something more insightful thatn that. you know, something along the lines of," As the day goes on, the human psyche tends to loose coheasion; expecialy in the noon to sunste time frame."

You have disapointed me

 

[AlienCraft]

Sounds almost EXACTLY like my mom and her husband. Dude is an A-1, Grade Double A prick sometimes. Retired CHP

with an authority complex of some sort.
ANYway, although he WANTS to be a handyman, he's often more dangerous than helpful. He is not above doing something in a half assed way if it'll get it done. Me, I prefer to do it once, correctly, and not have to revisit it again. Working with him drives me up the wall. I finally told him I'll do the jobs myself. If I have to work with him, I just shut up and let him make the mistakes.
He can be a real prick about generalities re: time as well.
Mom will jump in the middle and it can be a real mess by the time it's all said and done.
I don't try to help him out anymore. I've told him to his face he can hire himself someone who he has to treat like a human.
BTW, to a parent who is using your labors, afternoon means those 58 minutes from 12:01 to 12:59, anything else is late...