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Was I wrong in telling a developmentally delayed kid he could go to college?

I

illusion88

Lifer
I can't sleep so I might as well bring my ethics into question, since I?m up way pas my bed time and all.

Last night two of the kids I work with (developmentally delayed kids, both have IQ's under 70) told me that they want to go to college when they get out of the group home (turn 18). I told them "Sure! that's a great idea. blah blah go to school have fun, learn lots. etc.etc."

In all honesty I don't think they could get a high School diploma by the time they turn 18. Their homework is stuff geared for 4th graders. Real basic spelling and math. Oh well, didn't want to shatter their dreams before they went to sleep. We just lost our Facility Administrator and they were kinda sad about that.

They are both 16 years old BTW.
 
Vocational training is probably more suitable for them. Not everyone needs to go to college, and not everyone can. But I'd probably say exactly what you did, I couldn't handle crushing their dreams.
 
Originally posted by: BigToque
Always encourage people to shoot for the stars. They might not make it there, but they may get to the moon.
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Darn straight.
You tell him he cant do it and you've just set up a mental roadblock that stops all forward progress.

I may have failed out of the Navy Nuclear Propulsion prgram, but because I didnt get down on myself I was able to get through the Advanced Electronics program (Comm side). It was definately the biggest single factor of my success in life.
 
Kids like that need all the encouragement they can get. Like the others have said, don't crush his dreams. Encourage him, he'll find his way, and find his answer. Whether it be college or not.
 
You did the right thing.

Me, I tried to train the developmentally challenged kids to do funny things in HS.

Yes, I am a terrible person. Yes, I know it.
 
Well really what I was getting at, was shouldn't I have been honest with them? I could have said "Listen, maybe college isn't for you. Perhaps we should focus on finishing the school you are in now, and working on your behavior issues first. Once all of that is under control we can talk about some sort of higher education."

I don?t know. In all honesty I doubt 5/6 of the kids I am working with will ever leave ?the system?. They will forever be placed in some sort of group home or treatment facility. After they turn 18 it?s going to be a lot harder to find placement and funding for them, so they will probably be set up with an apartment, $200 and a crummy job.

Ok, I don?t really know that, and I have no idea how it works once they turn 18, but they won?t be ready for ?the real world?. If I have to remind them to wipe their bum after they go poo how can they hold a real world job? Actually, you know what they would be great at, is a factory worker. A job that is repetitive with no variables. I bet they could do something like that real well. (not saying anything about factory workers)
 
Originally posted by: shortylickens
Originally posted by: BigToque
Always encourage people to shoot for the stars. They might not make it there, but they may get to the moon.
Click to expand...
Darn straight.
You tell him he cant do it and you've just set up a mental roadblock that stops all forward progress.

I may have failed out of the Navy Nuclear Propulsion prgram, but because I didnt get down on myself I was able to get through the Advanced Electronics program (Comm side). It was definately the biggest single factor of my success in life.
Click to expand...

Koing
 
Originally posted by: illusion88
Well really what I was getting at, was shouldn't I have been honest with them? I could have said "Listen, maybe college isn't for you. Perhaps we should focus on finishing the school you are in now, and working on your behavior issues first. Once all of that is under control we can talk about some sort of higher education."

I don?t know. In all honesty I doubt 5/6 of the kids I am working with will ever leave ?the system?. They will forever be placed in some sort of group home or treatment facility. After they turn 18 it?s going to be a lot harder to find placement and funding for them, so they will probably be set up with an apartment, $200 and a crummy job.

Ok, I don?t really know that, and I have no idea how it works once they turn 18, but they won?t be ready for ?the real world?. If I have to remind them to wipe their bum after they go poo how can they hold a real world job? Actually, you know what they would be great at, is a factory worker. A job that is repetitive with no variables. I bet they could do something like that real well. (not saying anything about factory workers)
Click to expand...

You did the right thing. Just let them dream and work hard :thumbsup:

Koing
 
Originally posted by: Bassyhead
Never tell anyone they can't do something
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In other words lie? I'll have to be the first to disagree with everyone so far who said that the OP did the right thing in telling those mentally challenged kids they could go to college. There's a difference between encouragement and lying to someone about something they have zero chances of accomplishing. Just because they can't go to college doesn't mean they can't do something else. Sometimes it's nice to be able to recognize your limits and be able to adapt accordingly. They might have gone to him for some genuine advice and instead they got a bunch of feel good illusions. The OP has given those kids false hope and when they find out they can't go to college, what are you going to say to them? Probably nothing since he'll never see them again most likely. Maybe we should lower the standards for college admission and let them in and pass classes so that they'll continue to feel good about themselves? More lies. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we shouldn't encourage people to strive to better themselves or accomplish something hard, but lying is not the way to go about it.
 
They need all the encouragement they can get. Who knows, maybe they have some undiscovered talent that just needs more time to develop.
 
Originally posted by: illusion88
Well really what I was getting at, was shouldn't I have been honest with them? I could have said "Listen, maybe college isn't for you. Perhaps we should focus on finishing the school you are in now, and working on your behavior issues first. Once all of that is under control we can talk about some sort of higher education."

I don?t know. In all honesty I doubt 5/6 of the kids I am working with will ever leave ?the system?. They will forever be placed in some sort of group home or treatment facility. After they turn 18 it?s going to be a lot harder to find placement and funding for them, so they will probably be set up with an apartment, $200 and a crummy job.

Ok, I don?t really know that, and I have no idea how it works once they turn 18, but they won?t be ready for ?the real world?. If I have to remind them to wipe their bum after they go poo how can they hold a real world job? Actually, you know what they would be great at, is a factory worker. A job that is repetitive with no variables. I bet they could do something like that real well. (not saying anything about factory workers)
Click to expand...

That might've actually been a good thing to say. Get them to focus on addressing the current difficulties that they're experiencing while using some sort of education down the road as an eventual reinforcer.
 
Originally posted by: illusion88
Well really what I was getting at, was shouldn't I have been honest with them? I could have said "Listen, maybe college isn't for you. Perhaps we should focus on finishing the school you are in now, and working on your behavior issues first. Once all of that is under control we can talk about some sort of higher education."

I don?t know. In all honesty I doubt 5/6 of the kids I am working with will ever leave ?the system?. They will forever be placed in some sort of group home or treatment facility. After they turn 18 it?s going to be a lot harder to find placement and funding for them, so they will probably be set up with an apartment, $200 and a crummy job.

Ok, I don?t really know that, and I have no idea how it works once they turn 18, but they won?t be ready for ?the real world?. If I have to remind them to wipe their bum after they go poo how can they hold a real world job? Actually, you know what they would be great at, is a factory worker. A job that is repetitive with no variables. I bet they could do something like that real well. (not saying anything about factory workers)
Click to expand...



You tell them they can do anything they want if they work hard enough. Wanna go to college? Sure, but you need to take things step by step (do your homework, work on behavior management, etc). Encourage them and guide them in their daily activities. Most will stay in the system like you said, but it's worth it for the 1/6 who can make it.
 
they bounce from one idea to another so quickly I wonder how long they will stay interested in College. If they ever bring it up again it will be a healthy dose of reality for them. Why lead them on to something they won't be able to acomplish? I think directing their energy into something they can achieve will be a better use of time.
 
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