very, very funny - the chamomile tea story

dolph · Sep 3, 2002

since fusetalk is incapable of handling this edit, i have to just reply. you can read djheater's version, or mine a couple below without tags. it is very, very funny though.

djheater · Sep 3, 2002

Originally posted by: dolph
THE COLLEGE THEME PAPER: HE VS. SHE
> 
> 
> 
> Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well,
> here's a prime example offered by an English professor at an American University.
> 
> 
> 
> "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The
> process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to
> his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first
> paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph
> and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then
> add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to reread what
> has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is
> to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written
> on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been
> reached."
> 
> 
> 
> The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:
> Rebecca (last name deleted) and Gary (last name deleted).
> 
> 
> 
> --------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> 
> 
> STORYfirst paragraph by Rebecca)
> 
> At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
> chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
> reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
> liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
> off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about
> him too much, her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out
> of the question.
> 
> 
> 
> ------------------------------------------------------
> 
> (second paragraph by Gary)
> 
> Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron
> now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the
> neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had
> spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,
> he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established.
> No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish
> particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his
> ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of
> his seat and across the cockpit.
> 
> 
> 
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> 
> 
> 
> (Rebecca)
> 
> He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt
> one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had
> ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless
> hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes
> Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her
> newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored
> her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had
> passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no
> television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the
> beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to
> become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
> 
> 
> 
> ---------------------------------------------------------
> 
> 
> 
> (Gary)
> 
> Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands
> of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its
> lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the
> Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left
> Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were
> determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage
> of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying
> enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop
> them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion
> missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his
> top-secret Mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the
> coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized
> poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President
> slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm
> going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"
> 
> 
> 
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> 
> 
> 
> (rebecca)
> 
> This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
> writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semiliterate adolescent.
> 
> 
> 
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> 
> 
> 
> (gary)
> 
> Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
> writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile
> tea? Or shall I have some other sort of FVCKING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such
> an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."
> 
> 
> 
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> 
> 
> 
> (rebecca)
> 
> Asshole.
> 
> 
> 
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> 
> 
> 
> (gary)
> 
> Bitch.
> 
> 
> 
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> 
> 
> 
> (rebecca)
> 
> Wanker.
> 
> 
> 
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> 
> 
> 
> (gary)
> slut.
> 
> 
> 
> ---------------------------------------------------------
> 
> 
> 
> (rebecca)
> 
> Get fVcked.
> 
> 
> 
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> 
> 
> 
> (gary)
> 
> Eat shit.
> 
> 
> 
> --------------------------------------------------------
> 
> 
> 
> (rebecca)
> 
> FVCK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
> 
> 
> 
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> 
> 
> 
> (gary)
> 
> Go drink some tea-whore.
> 
> **********************************************
> 
> (teacher)
> 
> A+! I really liked this one.

Orsorum · Sep 3, 2002

Could we have the version without the tags?

djheater · Sep 3, 2002

I like the tags... they add a certain something... don't you think.

djheater · Sep 3, 2002

Originally posted by: dolph
EDIT DAMN YOU EDIT!!!

gopunk · Sep 3, 2002

all it takes is a little search and replace....

THE COLLEGE THEME PAPER: HE VS. SHE

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well,
here's a prime example offered by an English professor at an American University.

"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The
process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to
his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first
paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph
and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then
add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to reread what
has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is
to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written
on the paper. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been
reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:
Rebecca (last name deleted) and Gary (last name deleted).

--------------------------------------------------------------

STORY first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about
him too much, her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out
of the question.

------------------------------------------------------

(second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron
now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the
neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had
spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,
he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established.
No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish
particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his
ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of
his seat and across the cockpit.

----------------------------------------------------------

(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt
one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had
ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless
hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes
Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her
newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored
her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had
passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no
television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the
beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to
become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

---------------------------------------------------------

(Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands
of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its
lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the
Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left
Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were
determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage
of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying
enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop
them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion
missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his
top-secret Mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the
coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized
poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President
slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm
going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

----------------------------------------------------------

(rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semiliterate adolescent.

----------------------------------------------------------

(gary)

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile
tea? Or shall I have some other sort of FVCKING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such
an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."

----------------------------------------------------------

(rebecca)

Asshole.

----------------------------------------------------------

(gary)

Bitch.

----------------------------------------------------------

(rebecca)

Wanker.

----------------------------------------------------------

(gary)
slut.

---------------------------------------------------------

(rebecca)

Get fVcked.

----------------------------------------------------------

(gary)

Eat shit.

--------------------------------------------------------

(rebecca)

FVCK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!

----------------------------------------------------------

(gary)

Go drink some tea-whore.

**********************************************

(teacher)

A+! I really liked this one.

Orsorum · Sep 3, 2002

w00t for gopunk.

dolph · Sep 3, 2002

thank you, i was just about to reply with the tagless version. for some reason fusetalk couldn't handle an edit of this magnitude, oh well.

Hamburgerpimp · Sep 3, 2002

sh1t, that reminds me, I have tea steaping for the last hour!

SuperCyrix · Sep 3, 2002

This is the 2nd thread of the night that's actually funny.
Is this a real story?

BamBam215 · Sep 3, 2002

lol.. that was pretty good... wonder what kind of class that was

PsychoAndy · Sep 3, 2002

I just forwarded this to my prof. If you see a new user posting in this thread, it may be her.

-PAB

SubZeroX · Sep 3, 2002

Rebecca must've been fat and/or ugly, otherwise why would a guy intentionally piss off a chick so much?

ChrisIsBored · Sep 3, 2002

lol that was great

MikeO · Sep 3, 2002

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of FVCKING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."

HahahaHAahhaa

StevenYoo · Sep 3, 2002

oh man, this is awesome

Spooner · Sep 3, 2002

that was pretty amusing.

Dudd · Sep 3, 2002

Originally posted by: SubZeroX
Rebecca must've been fat and/or ugly, otherwise why would a guy intentionally piss off a chick so much?

He's gay?

BigJohnKC · Sep 3, 2002

That was great

dolph · Sep 3, 2002

bump 'cause it's just so funny

Legendary · Sep 3, 2002

LOL incredible funniness

SSP · Sep 3, 2002

HAHAHAHA!!!! That guy o\/\/n3d her!

very, very funny - the chamomile tea story

Diamond Member

Lifer

Lifer

Lifer

Lifer

Lifer

Lifer

Diamond Member

Diamond Member

Platinum Member

Golden Member

Lifer

Senior member

Diamond Member

Diamond Member

Diamond Member

Lifer

Platinum Member

Platinum Member

Diamond Member

Diamond Member

Lifer