verbal abuse

[lyssword]

Background: 20 yr old guy emotionally/verbally abused since I was a child/teen.
I am sick and tired of abusive name-calling BS and I will try to fight it. People think that physical abuse is worse, but actually no it's not. You can heal from physical abuse (tho it could probably accompany with physical abuse as well) and its much easier to prove that you've been beaten or whatever.
The abuser will try to make you look like you are causing it, while really by yelling + name-calling and blaming you for every little thing they are able to totally control and brainwash you. It gives them a sense of power.
The victims could obviously have psychological problems from this, such as addiction (to anything). What makes more sense, that I've become addicted to gaming because some stupid rts game is so damn addicting, or is it because I want to get away from fear and to stop suffering, even if on subconscious level?

Usually the verbal abusers themselves were verbally/physically abused as children and without realizing it (or don't completely know why), they are doing it too . I know 2 cousins from different families are verbally abused as hell, to the point of crying. They usually blame the victims that they "brought it on themselves", and almost will never admit to it.

This happens in many social groups. Mothers, fathers, girlfriends/boyfriends, coworkers, many of them do it. This will cause uncertainty, loss of self-worth in the victim and depression. Also the victim will have a trouble adjusting to real world, etc..

I say we should recognize this sickness for what it is and be on the lookout and try to stop it. Don't let yourself be a victim and protect your children/speak out about it at work/wherever there could be a problem. We must recognize that its more than just occasional badmouthing, but more of a systematic abuse where the victims are often trapped.

Thank you, sorry to bring this painful topic to ATOT .

 

[IceBergSLiM]

People that bring down other people verbally are showing there insecurities with themselves.

ON THE FLIP SIDE OF THAT THOUGH......most people grow up at some point and realize it doesn't fvkcing matter what anyone else says.

In conclusion.....the real sickness is this emo pvssy sh1t.....embrace your testosterone be a fvking man ....stop being emo and grow a pair.

 

[MercenaryForHire]

<modern nursery rhyme>
Sticks and stones
May break my bones
But words will devestate my inner child forever.
</modern nursery rhyme>

- M4H

 

[dethman]

 

[Lola]

Iceberg, it is way more than growing a pair and dealing with it.

It is especially painful and hurtful if those that do the abusing are those that are supposed to love you and support you.
It brings you down as a human to a level no one should have to feel.

It is worse than physical abuse and i think that it is carried from one generation to another.

If a child sees his father abusing his mother, he thinks nothing is wrong with it and will do the same to others around him/her without even knowing he is doing it.

Unless you have experinced it for real (not in a joking or kiidding fashion) you have no idea the kind of pain it bestows on the person taking the brunt of the abuse.

 

[IceBergSLiM]

Originally posted by: LolaWiz
Iceberg, it is way more than growing a pair and dealing with it.

It is especially painful and hurtful if those that do the abusing are those that are supposed to love you and support you.
It brings you down as a human to a level no one should have to feel.

It is worse than physical abuse and i think that it is carried from one generation to another.

If a child sees his father abusing his mother, he thinks nothing is wrong with it and will do the same to others around him/her without even knowing he is doing it.

Unless you have experinced it for real (not in a joking or kiidding fashion) you have no idea the kind of pain it bestows on the person taking the brunt of the abuse.

i agree its not fair to be tormented when you are a child but at some point(when you enter adulthood) you have to put down your baggage from the past and get on with your life. Not everyone is dealt a fair hand but you can wallow in your misery or you can man up and take repsonsibility "from now on" . You choose how you feel.

 

[Mucho]

On the flip side many people would like to hang their shortcomings on someone else. eg. "Poor me I was an abused child thats why I am now a drug addict."

 

[Lola]

Originally posted by: Mucho
On the flip side many people would like to hang their shortcomings on someone else. eg. "Poor me I was an abused child thats why I am now a drug addict."

You are right, one needs to stop crying victim, but it is a serious issue no matter what.

 

[Andyb23]

Originally posted by: LolaWiz

Originally posted by: Mucho
On the flip side many people would like to hang their shortcomings on someone else. eg. "Poor me I was an abused child thats why I am now a drug addict."

You are right, one needs to stop crying victim, but it is a serious issue no matter what.

I don't know, "a crying victim"?

If what the OP says is true, its hard for people to adjust to normal life after being abused for a long time.

 

[sixone]

Originally posted by: Andyb23
If what the OP says is true, its hard for people to adjust to normal life after being abused for a long time.

It's not easy, but what is, that's worth having?

 

[Zysoclaplem]

Whatever does not kill us makes us stronger. And in some cases, more dangerous.
We all have the capability to rise above and change. But sometimes that change takes an understanding that can only be achieved through experience.
A boy growing up watching abuse is different from a boy being on the receiving end of that abuse. Psychologically, they will develop differently.

 

[lyssword]

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim

Originally posted by: LolaWiz
Iceberg, it is way more than growing a pair and dealing with it.

It is especially painful and hurtful if those that do the abusing are those that are supposed to love you and support you.
It brings you down as a human to a level no one should have to feel.

It is worse than physical abuse and i think that it is carried from one generation to another.

If a child sees his father abusing his mother, he thinks nothing is wrong with it and will do the same to others around him/her without even knowing he is doing it.

Unless you have experinced it for real (not in a joking or kiidding fashion) you have no idea the kind of pain it bestows on the person taking the brunt of the abuse.

i agree its not fair to be tormented when you are a child but at some point(when you enter adulthood) you have to put down your baggage from the past and get on with your life. Not everyone is dealt a fair hand but you can wallow in your misery or you can man up and take repsonsibility "from now on" . You choose how you feel.

Of course, you can heal with time, no question about it. But this abuse can hold a person from his potential while he's a child/teen and totally depended on support of the abuser.
Be a man? Sure I could beat the crap out of my mom (could do it since I was 13) but what will that help? Do you think any child wants to severe connections with their home and just leave and be homeless? Defining it as a problem and finding solutions is what can really help. This is much deeper than what you think if someone on the street just yells at you whatever. Anybody from the street calling me names and swearing, I could care less, I'd forget in next 5 seconds.
I am not emo, far from it. If you would ever talk to me, you would find me a tough/smart/calm guy. Calling the victim emo is not a solution. I want to become independent and a valuable contribution to society, and I know blaming everything on verbal abuse doesn't help. Thats why I say this has to stop.

 

[lyssword]

Originally posted by: Zysoclaplem
Whatever does not kill us makes us stronger. And in some cases, more dangerous.
We all have the capability to rise above and change. But sometimes that change takes an understanding that can only be achieved through experience.
A boy growing up watching abuse is different from a boy being on the receiving end of that abuse. Psychologically, they will develop differently.

That is very true, it COULD in rare cases become positive and you will be emotionally stronger, but think of many more cases where this experience will actually be negative, and the victim will never realize what was happening, and continue living dysfunctionally. This is true, human willpower can be hard to break down, but I don't want to see anyone's spirit broken. Stopping verbal abuse can only benefit mankind..

By the way, this is the first time I have ever spoken of this issue

 

[KarthVader]

Any sort of abuse is just asking for bad things, whether it be verbal or physical.

My sympathies lyssword. If you are feeling low, just remember that there is only one way to go: UP!!

 

[Lola]

OP, if you still are feeling really down about this, i strongly suggest trying to seek profesional help.
Therapists are wonderful people to talk to and get help from.

 

[foghorn67]

He is only 20. If he had this verbal abuse since childhood, it won't be an overnight process.
Good luck OP.

 

[lyssword]

Originally posted by: LolaWiz
OP, if you still are feeling really down about this, i strongly suggest trying to seek profesional help.
Therapists are wonderful people to talk to and get help from.

Thank you, I don't really feel down on this, in fact just realizing that there is nothing wrong with me and that this is just a sad human condition of abuse, makes me happier. Its just this really hit home when I was at my cousin's house on Thanksgiving and this 13 yr old kid broke down in tears after his mom yelled the sh1t out of him for nothing. He claims she always yells at him like that. Thats when I realized this is much more widespread and is not just random coincidences, but something bigger. Searched the internet and found much more information that makes sense

 

[Lithium381]

I grew up in a very supportive environment, so i don't know exactly what it is like to deal with that situation; of course i've been belittled and yelled and and called names; though i doubt on the level/consistancy that you have. I hope you find a way out of your dispair, if you want to chat, myself and probably many others on this board would be happy to just have a conversation. Good luck!1

 

[j00fek]

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim
People that bring down other people verbally are showing there insecurities with themselves.

ON THE FLIP SIDE OF THAT THOUGH......most people grow up at some point and realize it doesn't fvkcing matter what anyone else says.

In conclusion.....the real sickness is this emo pvssy sh1t.....embrace your testosterone be a fvking man ....stop being emo and grow a pair.

QFT..grow some balls

 

[Toastedlightly]

I have a friend who deals with this stuff (and she still does). It sucks. Her mother treats everyone as if they were 5 and tears them down when they accomplish something. It really sucks.

 

[dainthomas]

Originally posted by: j00fek

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim
People that bring down other people verbally are showing there insecurities with themselves.

ON THE FLIP SIDE OF THAT THOUGH......most people grow up at some point and realize it doesn't fvkcing matter what anyone else says.

In conclusion.....the real sickness is this emo pvssy sh1t.....embrace your testosterone be a fvking man ....stop being emo and grow a pair.

QFT..grow some balls

Yep

 

[OVerLoRDI]

Originally posted by: IcebergSlim
People that bring down other people verbally are showing there insecurities with themselves.

ON THE FLIP SIDE OF THAT THOUGH......most people grow up at some point and realize it doesn't fvkcing matter what anyone else says.

In conclusion.....the real sickness is this emo pvssy sh1t.....embrace your testosterone be a fvking man ....stop being emo and grow a pair.

Exactly, grow up and realize that it doesn't matter worth sh!t what people think of you, especially if they are some random kid at school.

 

[Ausm]

Psychological pain takes MANY years to overcome and people who don't believe in it are totally naive. On a personal note, my childhood sucked the bag. My Mother was killed by a drunk driver when I was six and my oldman married a royal bitch of a stepmother. I spent year getting physically and emotionally beat up. If anything like that occured remotely today they would be both in prison. I got beat up 4 times so bad I couldn't goto school. I was forced to eat alone for 2 years and the list goes on and on. I ran away from home a dozen times before I was 15. Finally when i hit 15 , I left home and never came back. I didn't see my parents for 13 years and our relationship is cautious at best. I am 42 today and I still am coping with bouts of depression to this day.

Ausm