- Aug 21, 2003
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I had prided myself on being able to do the deed under any adverse conditions. Sports stadiums, bar bathrooms, a ditch at a outdoor festival in front of hundreds of strangers, someone disarming a surplus Chinese made nuclear weapon in the stall, all no problem. I could take it all and still maintain flow.
I did however finally met my match last evening in the form of a mob of angry looking lesbians.
I was at a bar I rarely go to with a couple friends and after a consuming several beverages I had urgent need of the facilities. One friend told me he would show me where they were since I would be confused. Now I was already confused since I figured it would be a fairly rudimentary task to locate the men's room.
Lo and behold we arrive at said mens room to find a long line of very upset looking lesbians trailing out the open door (apparently there is only one single holer for the womenfolk somewhere else in the bar). I hesitate briefly while my mind adjusts to this new situation, my need however will not be denied and I soon forge ahead past the waiting women and into the room. Once around the corner and in the room I see that there is a wall of 4 urinals, one stall, and six very unhappy looking women milling about waiting for this stall (in addition to the 10 deep line outside). Still keeping my composure and dedication to the task at hand I converge on the nearest urinal and proceed to get down to business. Only when outflow is about to commence do I realize that there is a mirror right at eye level that enables you to see everything behind you in the room
The look on their faces was difficult to describe. It was something like a mixture of anger, resentment, and a little envy mixed in. I felt like I was being judged guilty of something, though for what I do not know. The effect was most startling and unnerving as our eyes met and my body suddenly clamped down on all attempts to offload its urgent cargo. Disaster. Here I am withering under the gaze of a small mob of clearly unhappy lesbians while holding Mr. Tibbens entirely unable to proceed. Out of sheer willpower I mustered up visions of surging oceans, rushing rivers, huge waterfalls, dams bursting, etc... in the effort to make some forward progress and extricate myself form this situation as soon as possible.
Eventually this worked and my business was concluded after a relief that can only be described as epic in nature. I eschewed the the ritual handwashing as that would have meant plowing headlong in the throng of disgruntled lesbians and beat a hasty retreat out of that chamber of horrors.
Just remember kids, it can happen to you too.
I did however finally met my match last evening in the form of a mob of angry looking lesbians.
I was at a bar I rarely go to with a couple friends and after a consuming several beverages I had urgent need of the facilities. One friend told me he would show me where they were since I would be confused. Now I was already confused since I figured it would be a fairly rudimentary task to locate the men's room.
Lo and behold we arrive at said mens room to find a long line of very upset looking lesbians trailing out the open door (apparently there is only one single holer for the womenfolk somewhere else in the bar). I hesitate briefly while my mind adjusts to this new situation, my need however will not be denied and I soon forge ahead past the waiting women and into the room. Once around the corner and in the room I see that there is a wall of 4 urinals, one stall, and six very unhappy looking women milling about waiting for this stall (in addition to the 10 deep line outside). Still keeping my composure and dedication to the task at hand I converge on the nearest urinal and proceed to get down to business. Only when outflow is about to commence do I realize that there is a mirror right at eye level that enables you to see everything behind you in the room
The look on their faces was difficult to describe. It was something like a mixture of anger, resentment, and a little envy mixed in. I felt like I was being judged guilty of something, though for what I do not know. The effect was most startling and unnerving as our eyes met and my body suddenly clamped down on all attempts to offload its urgent cargo. Disaster. Here I am withering under the gaze of a small mob of clearly unhappy lesbians while holding Mr. Tibbens entirely unable to proceed. Out of sheer willpower I mustered up visions of surging oceans, rushing rivers, huge waterfalls, dams bursting, etc... in the effort to make some forward progress and extricate myself form this situation as soon as possible.
Eventually this worked and my business was concluded after a relief that can only be described as epic in nature. I eschewed the the ritual handwashing as that would have meant plowing headlong in the throng of disgruntled lesbians and beat a hasty retreat out of that chamber of horrors.
Just remember kids, it can happen to you too.
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