Updated nursery rhymes

[XMan]

Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides,
and every time that Mary walked
the boys could see her thighs.
Mary had another skirt
twas split right up the front,
but she didn't wear that one very often.

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet,
her clothes all tattered and torn.
It wasn't the spider that crept beside her,
but Little Boy Blue and his horn.

Simple Simon met a pieman, going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pieman,
"What have you got there?"
Said the pieman unto Simon,
"Pies, you dickhead."

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings horses and all the kings men
Said, "F... him, he's only an egg."

Mary had a little lamb.
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its ass
and turned its wool to nylon

Georgie Porgy pudding 'n pie,
kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play,
he kissed them too, 'cause he was gay.

Jack and Jill
went up the hill
to have some hanky panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill
and now, there's little Frankie.

 

[dabuddha]

lol nice

but i doubt ill be reading any of these to my neices anytime soon....

 

[bunker]

Heh...nice

 

[Cyco]

lol!

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Jack be nimble
Jack be quick
Jack burned off
his f'in dick

jack and jill
went up the hill
each with a buck and a quarter
jack went down a broke her crown
jill came down with two fifty



I love Andrew Dice Clay

nik

 

[ObiDon]

Andrew Dice Clay was my first thought when I saw this thread title.

However, ffmcobalt, I didn't expect you to be an ADC fan at all!

 

[bunker]

Originally posted by: ffmcobalt
Jack be nimble
Jack be quick
Jack burned off
his f'in dick

jack and jill
went up the hill
each with a buck and a quarter
jack went down a broke her crown
jill came down with two fifty



I love Andrew Dice Clay

nik

Little Boy Blue

He needed the money...

 

[Skyclad1uhm1]

There is a Dutch nursery rhyme which calls Santa Claus a castrated cock (male chicken, not the other type). Of course the kids don't know that the word which rhymes so nicely with the rest of it actually means just that. Well... most kids don't.

 

[NikPreviousAcct]

Originally posted by: ObiDon
Andrew Dice Clay was my first thought when I saw this thread title.

However, ffmcobalt, I didn't expect you to be an ADC fan at all!

I have my evil side



I've not heard much of him, but what I've heard, he's funny. I've heard also that he is incredibly rude and obscene and downright offensive at times, though :-\

nik

 

[ObiDon]

Originally posted by: ffmcobalt

Originally posted by: ObiDon
Andrew Dice Clay was my first thought when I saw this thread title.

However, ffmcobalt, I didn't expect you to be an ADC fan at all!

I have my evil side



I've not heard much of him, but what I've heard, he's funny. I've heard also that he is incredibly rude and obscene and downright offensive at times, though :-\

nik

I don't know much about him either besides a few of the nursery rhymes. I could be wrong but I remembered the Jack and Jill one with one less line like this:

jack and jill
went up the hill
each with a buck and a quarter
jill came down with two fifty

It seems funnier to me like that because it ends more unexpectedly.

I keep thinking about renting one of his videos but I think I'd probably just be pretty disappointed. I've heard a lot of the rhymes and almost all of them were just plain crude and not funny at all, with the exception of the J&J one of course. I always at least smile when I think of that one!