OK. The only ways I could have read your post was 1. sarcastic or 2. exposing a fragment of your own ego. I am glad the answer was #1, but it made me feel lonely to see that. That's exposing something of my own ego, and I think an accurate assessment of the forum at the same time. The most hopeful reading of this situation for me is that you are becoming less defensive about how you express yourself.
I watched the Tucker Carlson segment before I started reading this thread and had, I think a much more mild emotional reaction to it than I was reading up to where I first posted in it. I didn’t feel terribly offended or disturbed by a sense of his hypocrisy. I saw what I see in conservatives generally, the inability to credit that liberals are every bit as certain of their own moral principles as he was and is. I saw a man who believes what he said, that it is wrong to judge people by skin color but from a place of fear that liberal hatred is boundless and evil in that the charge of racism will be used as a tool to destroy conservative principles that liberals do not share.
Maybe I can say that I see him as blind and not evil or that what makes him evil is not core rottenness but blindness. I just don’t hate him like it seems others do. I see a prisoner of his conditioning and I see the same condition in me.
So I didn’t mean to be sarcastic or egotistical. I just said what I see as words that mirror what I saw, that we hate evil and love the good without knowing how we got that way and that it is universal and divisive and pathetic because all hatred of others is a projection of what we learned to hate in ourselves, a condition we will not see because it hurt to have gotten to be that was and thus will hurt to get free. I believe this to be true and that I know it to sone degree at least through personal experience. I used to suffer or so I thought rather deeply, to a degree at least that drove me to seek. I have heard Since that if you seek you will find. I would support that as factual.
At the time in my life when I was collapsing into the misery that changed the direction of my life when I lost the things I held sacred, I sought psychological help and was told I was defensive and to which I said I was not. Now you have expressed the hope I am becoming less defensive but perhaps not, because, as of old, I am not defensive.
Perhaps then, what I am is defensive but don’t see it. For that reason then, I would welcome a chance to defend myself against any charges you might want to make to help me see in what way you have seen me to seem defensive. Who knows, something might get through.
I do feel I make the best effort I know how to in replying to you.
Edit: Some time has past since I began this post and I have become aware that your confession, for a lack of a better word, that you feel lonely Has left me feeling a sadness. I guess it is because I know what it is to feel lonely. Naturally helping you with that, something I wish I could do, I could only do if I could help myself with those same feelings. I do have some things I believe to be true about that I can share:
I think loneliness is the sorrow of loss and in particular the loss of our true selves. But I think it was my true self I briefly experienced when I gave up all hope of finding meaning as I conceived it to be. We are not alone. Our true self is always with us just hidden by fear that if we were to be real again the same disaster that happened long ago would happen again. To feel is to live and to allow loneliness in is healing. Being joy is in the direction of our fears.
The constant dilemma I live with is that to bring light is to bring pain.
“Did we but suffer we would not suffer”. I heard Jesus said that in something called the Apocrypha.
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