#TrumpBible re-imagines the Bible according to Trump

[Indus]

I have to say this is hillarious..

From: http://www.cnn.com/2015/08/29/politics/donald-trump-bible-twitter-feat/index.html

When asked if he's ever sought God's forgiveness he said he drinks "his little wine" and has "his little cracker."

And Lo, Jesus said unto Judas Iscariot: "You're fired"

There *is* room at the inn but Mary and Joseph refuse to stay there because it is LOW CLASS and a DUMP.

And Jesus came to them walking on the waves and said, "Have you seen the polls? I'm like WAY ahead. It's not even close."

Thanks for the gold, frankincense, and myrrh Wise Guys. Now go back to your own country. #TrumpBible

"Then He will also say to those on His left, 'Depart from Me, haters and losers, into the eternal fire, which is Mexico.'" #TrumpBible

The Israelites were illegal immigrants fleeing Pharaoh so they could have anchor babies in the Promised Land. #TrumpBible

Scribe: Which is the greatest commandment?

Jesus: Sit down. Nobody called on you. Go back to Jerusalem.

"In the beginning, God made Trump Tower and the Earth." #TrumpBible

The next day he saw Jesus coming toward him, and said, "Behold, that man needs one of my silk suits!" #TrumpBible

 

[JoLLyRoGer]

Come on now, you're talking about DJT's favorite book!

Hahaha.... Yeah Right!

I'm willing to bet that man couldn't quote you a scripture if you told him it started out with "In the beginning....."

 

[feralkid]

The Lard of Turin.

 

[tweaker2]

The only other guy that I know of that used his power of persuasion and charisma for personal gain and glory the way that Trump does, especially in the way he patronizingly paints the dire, dark moment in history that many Repubs see themselves in, and then sets himself up as the ultimate solution, is, dare I say, the Führer himself.

Say it ain't so.

 

[JoLLyRoGer]

Ok, I'm no fan of the guy but that's a bit of a reach. Being a sleazy businessman anf a blowhard bigot hardly places him even remotely in the same company as the evilest among evil men.

 

[tweaker2]

Ok, I'm no fan of the guy but that's a bit of a reach. Being a sleazy businessman anf a blowhard bigot hardly places him even remotely in the same company as the evilest among evil men.

It's the reason why I was careful to posit a very narrow and specific qualification for my likening the two. I agree that in a general sense, those two are like night and day.

However, in the sense that both are charismatic snake charmers that can woo the stink off of a skunk, they both have "it" with loads of ooze to spare.

 

[MongGrel]

Thanks for that.

http://www.cnn.com/2015/08/29/politics/donald-trump-bible-twitter-feat/index.html

Is almost too funny, full hypocrite mode.

"The bible means a lot to me, but I don't want to get into that now"

Etc, Etc.

 

[JoLLyRoGer]

It's the reason why I was careful to posit a very narrow and specific qualification for my likening the two. I agree that in a general sense, those two are like night and day.

However, in the sense that both are charismatic snake charmers that can woo the stink off of a skunk, they both have "it" with loads of ooze to spare.

Gotcha, well in that case I see your point.

 

[Indus]

Found some old tweets after 2012 election night:

Donald J. Trump ‏@realDonaldTrump

The phoney electoral college made a laughing stock out of our nation. The loser one!

Donald J. Trump ‏@realDonaldTrump

We can't let this happen. We should march on Washington and stop this travesty. Our nation is totally divided!

Donald J. Trump ‏@realDonaldTrump

Lets fight like hell and stop this great and disgusting injustice! The world is laughing at us.

Donald J. Trump ‏@realDonaldTrump

More votes equals a loss...revolution!

Donald J. Trump ‏@realDonaldTrump

This election is a total sham and a travesty. We are not a democracy!

Donald J. Trump ‏@realDonaldTrump

Our country is now in serious and unprecedented trouble...like never before.

 

[Moonbeam]

Our country is now in serious and unprecedented trouble...like never before.

Sorry, but I have to support Trump. It's the dangerous side of being a liberal. I like change, novelty, and risky new experience. When I look at Trump I see Mr. Toad's Wilde Ride. This is the first time in ages and ages when a person is running for president and dominating the polls who is not some asshole hand picked by the party establishment. I want to see party politics burn down. I will take door number two rather than the one that's marked "You can be sure you're fucked as usual".

 

[MongGrel]

Sorry, but I have to support Trump. It's the dangerous side of being a liberal. I like change, novelty, and risky new experience. When I look at Trump I see Mr. Toad's Wilde Ride. This is the first time in ages and ages when a person is running for president and dominating the polls who is not some asshole hand picked by the party establishment. I want to see party politics burn down. I will take door number two rather than the one that's marked "You can be sure you're fucked as usual".

Much I'd like to see change myself, it sure as hell wouldn't be Trump.

One of the little things we'll agree to disagree on I guess.

 

[Indus]

Sorry, but I have to support Trump.

You must do what you feel is right of course.

 

[Murloc]

The only other guy that I know of that used his power of persuasion and charisma for personal gain and glory the way that Trump does, especially in the way he patronizingly paints the dire, dark moment in history that many Repubs see themselves in, and then sets himself up as the ultimate solution, is, dare I say, the Führer himself.

Say it ain't so.

Let me guess: he's quite literally a nazi?

 

[sportage]

I have to say, I knew a lot of people from NY and Jersey when I lived out in CA.
And one thing as a midwesterner, most New Yorkers and New Jersey-ians talked and thought just like Donald Trump.
It's a little Jewish lingo mixed up with a little I Love Lucy comic stylings.
Calling people a schmuck (Jewish term), this attempted convincing comical sales pitch attitude (I Love Lucy), the accent (Jersey, NY, valley girl), this off beat sense of humor, and this massive paranoia with being misunderstood or god forbid... disliked.

So, how Donald explains his understandings of religion, and The Bible: According to Donald Trump, fits Donald to a tee.
I can just see Lucy Ricardo standing there, running for president.
Not much of a difference. And quite entertaining. Especially to middle of the road America.

 

[tweaker2]

Let me guess: he's quite literally a nazi?

lol Yeh, I kind'a had those threads in mind when I was structuring that post. :thumbsup:

As an aside, this bald faced lame-ass pandering to the religious fundamentalists in "his" party has got to be down right blasphemous in the true sense of the word. And I'm wondering just how many true believers have been taken in by his "charms" in their fervor to spread the word vs how many of them scoffed and railed at Trump's duplicitous act of pledging his allegiance to the good book.

I mean, with his history, behavior and personality traits in mind, his referring to the bible as being the #1 book in his heart and soul had me dropping my jaw in awe and amazement at the sheer gall of that man.

IDK, maybe what he really meant was that he actually sees the protagonists in the bible as the epic salespersons of all time and role models for honing his own skill set.

 

[Baasha]

The Lard of Turin.

omg... hhahahahhahhahahhahahha...

This right here has got to be one for the books! This post should be stickied across every forum and should be the greeting for any new member of ATOT.