Traffic Accident :(

TravisT

Golden Member
Sep 6, 2002
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Hey guys,
Yesterday morning (Monday, Sept 15) I was headed to work on a busy highway when there was a sudden stop from the person in front of me as we came over a hill. I really couldn't see much since it was so bright early. Anyhow, I also had to make a sudden stop (Both of us lockedu p our tires and slid about 20 ft but didn't hit anything). To avoid the person in front of me I went onto the shoulder. We were all stopping because there was a pickup who was waiting for oncoming traffic to pass to head onto a sideroad. Anyhow, to make a long story short, the person behind me swerved to keep from hitting me. His only choices was on coming traffic or the ditch. When he hit the ditch he went airborne and there was a lady that was waiting at the stop sign on the road (known as OK Road) perpendicular to the highway. At that point he hit her directly into hte drivers side door at roughly 45 miles per hour. I immediately ran over to her car to see if she was okay, unfortunately she was uncautious. Since all her doors were locked I began banging on the window trying to wake her up and get her attention. She never moved, never opened her eyes.

She didn't look hurt bad, but she was, and by the time the ambulance arrived they said she had died of massive internal injuries.

Well, so here I am, knowing that my life was spared but another was taken. She was a 35 year old woman with two kids (after calling the funeral home and reading in the newspaper) She had a child that is 8 months old and a daughter that is currently in the 8th grade.

I've been trying to get ahold of her husband to give my condolences and maybe give him my point of view since I am sure he has al ot of questions. I was wondering, do you guys think that I should bother him so early? I am very concerned and i'm grieving just as they are over the death even though i didn't know her personally. I was there and I realize that could have EASILY been me in her shoes. So what do you think? Should i wait a week? Should i just let him contact me when he's ready? Should I not even bother calling at all? Should I go ahead and let him know about the situation?

 

bunker

Lifer
Apr 23, 2001
10,572
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71
Wow, that really sucks :(.

I'd let him contact you if he feels the need. I'm sure you gave your story to the police and that may be enough for him.
 

radioouman

Diamond Member
Nov 4, 2002
8,632
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Wow.

My Grandpa was killed in a car accident where a van that had bald tires was speeding on a wet road and ran through a light into the driver's side of my Grandpa's car. He was stable until they tried to move him, but then he died.

I'm sure that each case is different. The husband may or may not want to know. I would make an effort to get in touch with him.
 

Turkish

Lifer
May 26, 2003
15,547
1
81
man that sucks... :( :( :(

may she R.I.P...

and I would wait for another week or so before talking to the husband...
 

Ernieb

Senior member
Jan 13, 2002
880
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maybe post what you want to say on the newspaper
like what you saw that day..
and post your number there..so the husband may read and call you for more details
 

TravisT

Golden Member
Sep 6, 2002
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Yeah, i talked to the funeral director where she is at and gave him my name and phone number and stuff so that he might be able to contact me. I don't really know what to say once i talk to him the director just said that the husband has a lot of questions about what happened and is very confused right now. Which is very understandable. I wish there was something I could do to help. Who knows, i may go view her body today after work. I'm undecided myself on one hand if i was in his shoes it would comforting knowing that she died a peaceful death. She had no grimmaces on her face that showed she was in any pain at all. But on the other hand knowing that some 20 year old punk could have potentially took the place of his wife might bother him when i talk to him. Or the dramatic scene that he may not want to hear about about me banging on the glass because i couldn't open the door to get her attention. But there was no response. And that they checked her pulse and all that and about her being covered with the white blanket, ect. =/
 

kranky

Elite Member
Oct 9, 1999
21,019
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106
I really have no idea what would be the "best" thing to do, but what I would do is go to the funeral home, and while expressing my condolences simply say to her husband that I was there when it happened and I wanted to stop and pay my respects. That leaves the door open for him to pursue it if he wants, and I wouldn't feel like I was intruding.
 

StageLeft

No Lifer
Sep 29, 2000
70,150
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Personally I would not call him. I would write him a letter, which I'd ahve at least one person check over to make sure it's appropriate (see how they think they'd react I mean). I would lean against trying to make him feel like he should blame you in any way for it. It's a tough call but I think if I was in his spot Id probably appreciate you coming forward and sying something.
Or the dramatic scene that he may not want to hear about about me banging on the glass because i couldn't open the door to get her attention. But there was no response. And that they checked her pulse and all that and about her being covered with the white blanket, ect.
Yeah keep that to yourself :) In fact, instead of a letter a short card may be better.
 

Ernieb

Senior member
Jan 13, 2002
880
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:(
rose.gif
 

TravisT

Golden Member
Sep 6, 2002
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yeah, that may be the best way to go is to go to the funeral home in person. I've just NEVER been able to handle funeral situations very easy. I tend to grieve almost as the close relatives. And seeing them cry and stuff would pretty tough. I've been quite emotional over the past 24 hours and I'm sure it would bring al ot of that back the minute i pulled into the parking lot. =/
 

TwinkleToes77

Diamond Member
Jul 13, 2002
5,086
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Wow. I'm sorry to hear all this. I think you should atleast contact him and give your condolences.. and if he wants any answers he can ask you. BUT you should be warned that when he finds out that its the car that avoided hitting you that killed his wife he might blame you for it as well. Not that its your fault, It isn't at all! But in his mind he will see it as why take her life and not yours. It's a horrible situation to be in. I'm really sorry.
 

ReiAyanami

Diamond Member
Sep 24, 2002
4,466
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wow, that's an awful situation, not sure what you should do, do we have any phsyciatrists? the husband should probably join a support group of people who have lost loved ones
 

TravisT

Golden Member
Sep 6, 2002
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Yeah, thats sorta what i'm worried about. You know, i feel terrible and even though a lot of you may not believe in God I do, and feel that my life was spared for a reason. My mom is a very devout christian and she said that she had been praying a lot about me over the past couple of weeks and that that possibly could have been the reason why. If i wasn't dead if he hit me, i would have been seriously injured. Considering at the time he was passing me (about 20 feet or more before he hit the lady) I'm sure he would have been going about 50 mph or more. Which is a scary thought considering I would have never seen it coming (Never saw him until he passed me on my right side).

All in all its a bad deal and I hope something good comes out of this in someway. :(
 

TravisT

Golden Member
Sep 6, 2002
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Originally posted by: Skoorb
Personally I would not call him. I would write him a letter, which I'd ahve at least one person check over to make sure it's appropriate (see how they think they'd react I mean). ... In fact, instead of a letter a short card may be better.

The only problem is is that I have called several people. The Newspaper reporter that wrote the story, searched in phone books, as well as various other sources. The Funeral home was able to give me the most information at this point about how to contact her husband. Unfortunately everything is held in privacy unless teh husband says its okay to give it to me. All i know is the area she lives in (No address) I have no telephone number (Her last name is common and her first name is not listed in the phone book). I haven't been able to obtain any definite source of information to have the option to send a card.
 

Izzo

Senior member
May 30, 2003
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I think giving your name and number to the funeral director is a good idea. That way, he has your number to get in touch with you if he wants but it also gives you a safe distance (sort of) in case he has an irrational outburst or something similar. I would avoid contacting him in person because you have no idea how he will react.
 

Vic

Elite Member
Jun 12, 2001
50,422
14,336
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Man, that sucks and is a terrible situation to be in.

I would advise that you NOT contact the family of the woman who died. Though I am sure that you feel great remorse, you are NOT responsible for what happened. I would be very careful that I not make their grief any worse, and I can see nothing positive for them if you contacted them.