LG G2 - dropped it.
I can't turn the alarm off.
I can't take the battery out.
wtf? Is there a secret combo of the rocker buttons and power switch that turn it off?
Power off the device and ensure it is not connected to any USB cables.
At the same time, press and hold the following keys for 8 seconds:
Power key
Volume down key
When the LG Logo is displayed, release and then immediately re-hold the Power key.
When the 'FACTORY HARD RESET' screen displays, release the keys.
Press the Power key to reset or one of the Volume keys to cancel.
Press the Power key to confirm the reset. The reset will start immediately.
If that doesnt work for you just get a replacement (if you can)