Too late for me to change my ways/habits? If not, how to change???

[JEDI]

i'm 29, and since my senior year in college, i;ve been coasting thru life.

in my senior year, i learned that it wasnt worth it to spend all those hrs of hard work to get an 'A' where you can just do 1/100th of the work, party hard and still pass w/a 'D' (thx to the curve).

Then i graduated during the economic boom. i got a decent job on my first interview. didnt even prepare for it. got other jobs almost as easily. my salary went up to 6 figures, w/stock options galore. i was WAAAAAAYY overpaid for my skills. i was a NT admin w/no certifications. everything was learned on the job.

now the bubble has burst. the economy is down. my options are worthless. and i;ve just been laid off. i've also wasted most the $ i made.

i've decided to go for my certifications, starting w/CCNA. i went thru the class last year when the company paid for it. now i bought the cisco ccna study guide. i sat down w/it today for an hr, and i just didnt feel like doing it. if nothing's forcing me to do something that's not fun, then i can't get motivated to do it.

for most of my adult life, almost everything was handed to me. Now the environment has changed and i feel that i'm ill prepared for this brave new world. And today's lack of motivation to study proves it. oh, did i mention that i'm at risk for losing my house? (i'm single w/no children.) so apparently, losing my house isnt motivation enuf to go thru hours of hard work and studying. (subconciously, i guess i was thinking i could still move back w/mom and dad.)

it's like the story of the Ants that worked hard to store food for the winter and the grasshopper that just played. when winter came, the grasshopper would have died if it wasnt for luck. i'm the grasshopper, and i dont want my "luck" to be the welfare system.

it looks like i'd rather take the easier/least effort path and take a $40k/year job in an outdated skill, rather than getting certs and more $.

sigh..i want to change, but i can't seen to overcome my bad habits

Any advice on how to overcome almost a decade's way of thinking?

THX

 

[Sluggo]

<< sigh..i want to change, but i can't seen to overcome my bad habits >>



It doesnt sound like you want to change, it sounds like you are just going through the motions hoping something good will happen and deliver you from this mess.

 

[IJump]

Better get in the welfare line now..........

 

[JEDI]

exactly! how do i stop hoping for a miracle and do something w/my life?

 

[DaveSimmons]

Therapy?
Seriously, it doesn't sound like you have the willpower and ambition to accomplish anything with your current outlook, so you need to do something to literally change your mind.

 

[DaveSimmons]

oh yeah, besides therapy, there's also:

• motivational speakers like Tony Robbins

• religion and spiritualism (new age channeling etc.)

• drugs?

• dog or cat (pets can improve outlook)

 

[novon]

<< motivational speakers like Tony Robbins
religion and spiritualism (new age channeling etc.)
drugs?
dog or cat (pets can improve outlook) >>



yup!

 

[shifrbv]

if nothing's forcing me to do something that's not fun, then i can't get motivated to do it.

This sounds like the key statement. You must literally feel like nothing is forcing you, even though I can't see how when you say you're on the verge of losing your house and being in the welfare line.

I know for myself, it's all about discipline. You have to develop it. Usually economic catastrophe is a good motivator and can bring about discipline. Somehow I feel you're not there yet. I do know one thing. If you have no desire to change within yourself, you will never change. It can turn into years of your life if you do not make the concious effort to be different. You have to want it. It sounds like right now, you could care less either way.

 

[JEDI]

shifrbv, exactly.

i want to do it, but i just dont have the discipline. it's like a smoker who wants to quit, but can't.

how to find that motivation? i dont want to end up like that smoker that chooses the easy path of do nothing and wind up dead of lung cancer

 

[fatalbert]

try hypnotherapy

one of my friends knows how to do it. It actually kinda works

 

[Smaulz]

dude, you need Jesus...

 

[Squisher]

Go sleep in a cardboard box rumage through dumpsters for your meals and for entertainment collect dicarded pop cans to buy yourself a bottle of Boonsfarm. After a couple of weeks of this you should be motivated to, new, never seen before, levels.

 

[jjones]

<< Go sleep in a cardboard box rumage through dumpsters for your meals and for entertainment collect dicarded pop cans to buy yourself a bottle of Boonsfarm. After a couple of weeks of this you should be motivated to, new, never seen before, levels. >>


Exactly, you can get lots of motivation from adversity but apparently, the things that you have in life you don't particularly value, including possibly yourself. Taking care of yourself should be motivation enough but if it isn't motivating you to do the things you think you should, maybe you need to redefine what you want in life.

I live in Mexico for lots of reasons but one of them is that I wanted to get away from the American rat-race, live an easier life, and have time to enjoy myself more. I used to work long hours and made lots of money and it was fun at the time and what I wanted to do. I got tired of that though and now I work shorter hours, have even more fun and live in the Mexican Caribbean.

Maybe it's time to re-think your priorities.

 

[MajesticMoose]

think about it this way: If you don't study that stuff and get your certs, you lose your job or never advance. Maybe that will give you the motivation you need.

 

[InFecTed]

<<it's like a smoker who wants to quit, but can't>>

The answer is here --> to smoke you need, to smoke some real fine pot

Way better than become a religion fanatic

 

[linuxboy]

Oh dear. XFILE, no, it's not really too late. Biologically, some of your firing patterns in the brain do not become myelinized until your late thirties and even later after that. Plus, there's the issue of possible divine intervention, something that no serious skeptic or adherent of a system should disallow or discount.

I was going to post about 1500 words on what modern studies have to say about behavior therapy, adaptation, worldviews, philsoophies, and all that sort of good stuff but I think I'll stick to what feels right instead.

People here have posted that it's just a matter of motivation or discipline or something else like religion or pets of a mate or whatever. Sure, that's great. Now what do you do if you're too damn lazy to even make the first moves? . What if it just doesn't matter, what's the point? Things are good enough. I don't really have to work too hard to survive, I can live comfortably as I am...

And you know what, there ain't nothing wrong with that ! Or is there? Tell me, why exactly do you think you need to change? What brought this about? Some sort of midlife realization (please see my thread that starts with "nel mezzo..." for a discussion of this topic) ? A feeling that you should contribute more or care more? You make the rational choice. And what these people say is that it's just a matter of will. Well, what about akrasia, the weakness of will? The fundamental problems cannot be solved with bandaids. Telling habits to stop is like telling a bulemic to stop. It don't work that way mate.

What you need to do is a slow change toward a desired direction. You have the realization that you want to change. Do some digging to find out why. Find out what really drives you and start with the small changes in your life. If you take on too much, you may not be equipped to handle it and you may crash and burn, I've seen it happen. It's the small things. Do you have a plan for the next year? Make goals and follow through with them? Things like "I will save 1000 next year and invest it in an IRA". Practical solutions to practical problems. Do you maintain relationships with your friends? Well, maybe spend a little more time doing that. Don't have great time management? Well, read scme books on improving. The whole "take control of your life" thing is great and all but it don't really work most the time. Folks just ain't like that, we fail everyday at something. Start small, reward yourself when you do well and keep at it. Though people here are right, you do control what you are and what you will be.

Cheers !

 

[linuxboy]

Oh dear. XFILE, no, it's not really too late. Biologically, some of your firing patterns in the brain do not become myelinized until your late thirties and even later after that. Plus, there's the issue of possible divine intervention, something that no serious skeptic or adherent of a system should disallow or discount.

I was going to post about 1500 words on what modern studies have to say about behavior therapy, adaptation, worldviews, philsoophies, and all that sort of good stuff but I think I'll stick to what feels right instead.

People here have posted that it's just a matter of motivation or discipline or something else like religion or pets of a mate or whatever. Sure, that's great. Now what do you do if you're too damn lazy to even make the first moves? . What if it just doesn't matter, what's the point? Things are good enough. I don't really have to work too hard to survive, I can live comfortably as I am...

And you know what, there ain't nothing wrong with that ! Or is there? Tell me, why exactly do you think you need to change? What brought this about? Some sort of midlife realization (please see my thread that starts with "nel mezzo..." for a discussion of this topic) ? A feeling that you should contribute more or care more? You make the rational choice. And what these people say is that it's just a matter of will. Well, what about akrasia, the weakness of will? The fundamental problems cannot be solved with bandaids. Telling habits to stop is like telling a bulemic to stop. It don't work that way mate.

What you need to do is a slow change toward a desired direction. You have the realization that you want to change. Do some digging to find out why. Find out what really drives you and start with the small changes in your life. If you take on too much, you may not be equipped to handle it and you may crash and burn, I've seen it happen. It's the small things. Do you have a plan for the next year? Make goals and follow through with them? Things like "I will save 1000 next year and invest it in an IRA". Practical solutions to practical problems. Do you maintain relationships with your friends? Well, maybe spend a little more time doing that. Don't have great time management? Well, read scme books on improving. The whole "take control of your life" thing is great and all but it don't really work most the time. Folks just ain't like that, we fail everyday at something. Start small, reward yourself when you do well and keep at it. Though people here are right, you do control what you are and what you will be.

Cheers !

 

[Thegonagle]

Some people have recommended The Millionaire Next Door to me. I just ordered it, but now I wish I had simply gone to the book store. I'd like to start reading it tonight. You get an idea of what it's about if you read some of the sample pages they have posted at Amazon.

 

[Sluggo]

<< Some people have recommended The Millionaire Next Door to me. I just ordered it, but now I wish I had simply gone to the book store. I'd like to start reading it tonight. You get an idea of what it's about if you read some of the sample pages they have posted at Amazon. >>



Excellent book, helps to put the money chase and quest for material possesions into perspective.

Book ina nutshell: Save your money, dont spend your money.

 

[killface]

LSD can give you a much needed kick in the ass.

 

[Ornery]

I think I see the problem. For motivation, you need a goal, but the only thing you hope to gain at this point, is merely treading water. Not much of a goal! You can't even hope to reach the same level of earning without mega study, work and luck. And even if you get back to that point, you might actually have to earn that loot from day to day... oh the horror! :Q

So, what's the answer? Easy for me. Set lower goals, lower cost of living, lower requirements, lower expectations and cruise along in the slow lane. Not much glory, but no headaches either!

 

[Viper GTS]

<< Some people have recommended The Millionaire Next Door to me. I just ordered it, but now I wish I had simply gone to the book store. I'd like to start reading it tonight. You get an idea of what it's about if you read some of the sample pages they have posted at Amazon. >>



Cancel the order & stop at the bookstore on the way home from work.

Viper GTS

 

[Thegonagle]

<<

<< Some people have recommended The Millionaire Next Door to me. I just ordered it, but now I wish I had simply gone to the book store. I'd like to start reading it tonight. You get an idea of what it's about if you read some of the sample pages they have posted at Amazon. >>



Excellent book, helps to put the money chase and quest for material possesions into perspective.

Book in a nutshell: Save your money, don?t spend your money. >>

Yeah, don?t go hungry, but don?t buy a BMW 3 or 5 series when a Civic or a Taurus achieves exactly the same end (getting you from point A to point B). I've got a little of that instinct in me already, but I still have trouble saving. Of course, I don?t make all that much money yet. Still, I?m looking forward to reading the book.

Viper, I ordered it yesterday, it's too late.

 

[BuckleDownBen]

You need a woman in your life to nag you until you're motivated.

 

[Jfrag Teh Foul]

If you really wanna protect your $100k a year lifestyle then work for it! Nobody said it was easy... you have to make something of yourself to be something. If you want hand-outs then get in the welfare line... if you want a cool job with the cool paycheck then apply yourself. Nobody in this world looks out for you, but you.