To those that have kids..

[Cdubneeddeal]

Serious question. I'm one of those people that don't want kids, ever. Were any of you in the same boat and did decide to have kids? What made you decide? Was it accident?

 

[AnnonUSA]

I was one of those.

I don't quite know why I changed my mind, I guess you wake up one day and realize that one day you will be gone, and not have left anything behind to remember you or carry forward your family. I felt the need to impart my thoughts and memories to someone, to actually teach and give some of my gathered wisdom to a descendant.

I never looked back, My kids are great, never thought it was a mistake, and they have brought me much joy.

I recommend it, when you are ready. You will know when you are ready, and yes your entire life will change, so that is why you must be ready.

 

[Lalakai]

lol huge decision. can't be 50-50 on it. both you and your spouse/partner had better be at least 80-20 for it. most people are "never" ready for it, so if you are waiting until you have all your ducks in a row, don't use that to delay it. but if you are considering children as a way to possibly restore and reinforce a relationship....................don't!

Several of my friends are "dinks"...double income no kids......and very content. Their lifestyle and goals are oriented on different paths and they realize that children aren't a part of their future; extremely wise decision on their parts, to not give in to public/social pressures regarding children.

this subject is a bit sensitive for me as we are foster and adoptive parents; too often we work with families, where they weren't ready to have children, didn't have good support mechanisms, had children for the wrong reasons, ect. One of the children we've adopted was abandoned by his father; his father simply made a decision that of his two sons he didn't want the younger one, and simply left him at the foster agency. Two months later he came back and dropped off the older son, saying he didn't want that one either. Both boys still remember being dropped off by that idiot, and both boys have huge emotional scars because of it (their mom had walked away from all 3 of them a year earlier).

look at it closely, make sure you are both very committed to having children, and realize that the child(ren) will take priority in your lives as far as time committment goes, money, obligations, and alot of other areas. For my wife and I, we wouldn't change a thing, with our "cotton and polyester" kids (2 biological, 3 adopted), 40+ fosters passing through our lives. good luck

 

[jjones]

I definately didn't want kids because I didn't want the responsibility. Eventually that changed when I wanted to have a family. Fortunately my wife's feelings about the issue coincided with mine.

 

[HomeBrewerDude]

i didn't want kids for a little while until I was about 25 or so.

 

[SpiderWiz]

I always told friends and family I didn't want kids. After my first daughter was born, I realized what a mistake it would have been not to have kids.

 

[DisgruntledVirus]

I do not have/want kids. I would much rather be a "dink" then be a "diwk", I am not a kids person. Never have been. I have no interest in "carrying my family forward", and children change your life too dramatically. I do not want to change my life around a child/children.

I would rather be a "sink" though

 

[rivan]

I don't understand people who say they'll never want kids. I can understand know you don't want them now - hell, I think lots of people both get married and have kids far too young. I guess I've just known my own feelings about major things like that to change over time - I sort of assume other people evolve too, but maybe not.

Don't get me wrong - I don't think everyone needs/should have kids - I just can't grasp the viewpoint of a 20-something saying they'll never want kids. Never's a long time.

That said, I waited until my 30s to marry - and we've now had a couple kids, and we're done. They're by far the best thing I've ever done - I would never have understood before I had them; I never had kids around when I was young, I was never interested in other people's kids. It really is earth-shaking the first time you see them out of the womb. And the first time they smile at you. And the first time they call you daddy. And the first time... well, you get the idea.

 

[PrinceofWands]

I've wanted kids since I was a teen. The desire hasn't lessened in the least. For at least another few years it would remain a deal breaker in a relationship if she didn't want at least one more (I already have one).

 

[JulesMaximus]

I didn't want kids when I was in my 20s.

Something changed when I was in my 30s though and now we have a 5 year old son. I couldn't be happier. Being a Dad is great.

 

[GasX]

Always wanted kids - at some point
reached that point at 36
have two kids
want more

 

[DisgruntledVirus]

Originally posted by: rivan
I don't understand people who say they'll never want kids. I can understand know you don't want them now - hell, I think lots of people both get married and have kids far too young. I guess I've just known my own feelings about major things like that to change over time - I sort of assume other people evolve too, but maybe not.

Don't get me wrong - I don't think everyone needs/should have kids - I just can't grasp the viewpoint of a 20-something saying they'll never want kids. Never's a long time.

That said, I waited until my 30s to marry - and we've now had a couple kids, and we're done. They're by far the best thing I've ever done - I would never have understood before I had them; I never had kids around when I was young, I was never interested in other people's kids. It really is earth-shaking the first time you see them out of the womb. And the first time they smile at you. And the first time they call you daddy. And the first time... well, you get the idea.

I honestly think that for a decent amount of people having kids is because they are bored with the same old thing day in/day out. Kids bring a whole new aspect to life, and ensure there is always something new and different in your life. I would rather spend my money traveling the world, and enjoying life to the most. For some people kids bring the most meaning to their life, but for me I would rather endulge in the finer things in my life then have a child to spend time with and such.

 

[Ramma2]

We had been married for 3 years and I was 23 when we started talking about having kids. I was most definitly in the no kid camp, I was loving life as an early 20s male and didn't want that to change.

I relented eventually seeing as it was so important to her. That as 6 years ago and I'm very glad that we had kids (have 2 now).

 

[vi edit]

At 25 kids were the last thing on my mind. At 27 I was definitely warming to the idea but didn't think we were ready. At 29 we were well settled in and I was ready to add another chapter to our family.

I couldn't imagine trying to support a child when I was 19-25. The thought of that now scares the ever loving crap out of me. I see how much they cost and the amount of work that they take at 30...and this one hasn't even left the hospital yet!

 

[HomeBrewerDude]

Originally posted by: Mwilding
Always wanted kids - at some point
reached that point at 36
have two kids
want more

We have three now, and I'm done. Got the big V. They're great kids, but three is plenty!

 

[Mxylplyx]

I couldnt imagine growing old without kids. Most people that say they never want kids are probably still in that phase when all they care about is hitting the bars and doing what they want. That crowd of friends that you hang with will slowly start drying up as they get married and have kids, and then you'll become that dude thats always showing up at the bar by himself. Saying you never want kids also rules out a long term relationship with 90% of women.

 

[Cienja]

"No kids and no wife...ever!"

That's what I said 15 years ago. I can't imagine not having them today. It's an experience that I never regret. It was planned (my wife was prego 1 month after our wedding) to have two kids. 2 years after the first born, the second was born and I got "fixed" 3 months later.

Good luck with your decision.

 

[SlowSpyder]

I was the same as you OP. Anyone who knows me well would of told you that I was the last one they ever expected to have a child. My wife (then girlfriend) and I weren't expecting to get pregnant, she was on the pill. I guess we were that .1%.

I won't lie and tell you that once the baby came everything was wonderful and I wouldn't of had it any other way. The 3 a.m. feedings, the diaper changes, etc. It wasn't easy for me at first. But, in time the baby starts to give you a little back. They begin to smile, laugh, mumble. Things that hardly seem exciting now, but it'll be very welcome when it's your baby.

In time he started to sleep completely through the night routinely. I still remember that first full night of rest that we got after he was born. It was a very welcome suprise. My son is 18 months old now, and I couldn't imagine not having him around. I still miss not being able to just go do whatever we would like on a Friday night, but I think I got used to it a long time ago and don't really mind. It's so fun to watch him learn and develope now. How he moves his toys to the couch to build 'steps' so he can climb up on the couch and be with mommy and daddy. We just brought a puppy home, watching the two of them play and get to know each other is great.

Live is definitely different now, and not what I would have picked a few years ago. I still miss not being able to do a lot of the things we did before the baby, but we wouldn't trade him for anything. It's difficult at times, sometimes you have to find patience you don't know you have. It's kind of hard for me to explain, I think you have to go through it. You have to give up so much, but you wouldn't trade him/her for anything.

 

[FoBoT]

me and my wife always wanted kids

 

[Joemonkey]

Text

 

[3NF]

I've always wanted kids, but not in my 20s. Wait until your 30s and enjoy your 20s.

 

[Old Hippie]

I'm one of those people that don't want kids, ever.

I've had that mindset since I was 16. Got divorced from my first wife because she changed her mind, and wanted them.

Got a vasectomy at 35.

Now, at 55, I know I made the correct decision.

"Missed things" because I never had offspring? Absolutely!
Did different things than my friends with kids? Absolutely!

Able to live my life the way I wanted to....Priceless!

 

[Kelemvor]

Hey OP, how old are you, how long have you been married, etc? Things change in life so you may not want kids at one point but your feelings will many times change. Unless it's a lifestyle issue that they just wouldn't fit into. We waited until we were in our 30s before we had kids and my daughter is awesome. Wife is pregnant right now and should have #2 in September. First is 2.5 now and we're loving every day of it.

 

[Cdubneeddeal]

Originally posted by: SlowSpyder
I was the same as you OP. Anyone who knows me well would of told you that I was the last one they ever expected to have a child. My wife (then girlfriend) and I weren't expecting to get pregnant, she was on the pill. I guess we were that .1%.

I won't lie and tell you that once the baby came everything was wonderful and I wouldn't of had it any other way. The 3 a.m. feedings, the diaper changes, etc. It wasn't easy for me at first. But, in time the baby starts to give you a little back. They begin to smile, laugh, mumble. Things that hardly seem exciting now, but it'll be very welcome when it's your baby.

In time he started to sleep completely through the night routinely. I still remember that first full night of rest that we got after he was born. It was a very welcome suprise. My son is 18 months old now, and I couldn't imagine not having him around. I still miss not being able to just go do whatever we would like on a Friday night, but I think I got used to it a long time ago and don't really mind. It's so fun to watch him learn and develope now. How he moves his toys to the couch to build 'steps' so he can climb up on the couch and be with mommy and daddy. We just brought a puppy home, watching the two of them play and get to know each other is great.

Live is definitely different now, and not what I would have picked a few years ago. I still miss not being able to do a lot of the things we did before the baby, but we wouldn't trade him for anything. It's difficult at times, sometimes you have to find patience you don't know you have. It's kind of hard for me to explain, I think you have to go through it. You have to give up so much, but you wouldn't trade him/her for anything.

Thanks for that. That really made me see a whole new light to fatherhood.

I'm not very good at expressing myself but I'll do my best here. Babies - annoy me. Plain and simple. Their whining, crying, temper tantrums, really get on my nerves. Especially in a car - oh lord. First thing I want to do is take some duct tape to their mouths (No I would never really do that). However, once my nieces and nephews got older, they're great to be around. It's fun to play PS3, tickle them, elbow drop them on the couch, etc. It's just the baby stage that is really tough for me to deal with. At home, I don't turn on the TV when I get home and when I need background noise, I turn on some Norah Jones, Postal Service, or something else that's somewhat mellow. So any other high pitched noise really gets on my nerves.

Anyway, the answer to your question Kelemvor, I'm 31, never married, not currently married, but in a relationship with a 41 year old woman. She's great and everything, but she's had her tubes tied and already has three kids that are teenagers and adults. So she's done with children. I thought I would never have children but I think it would be fun to have a son and teach him how to fly fish, tie flies, pick up women (Nevermind on that one, was never good at it), and about life in general.

I think it's time to really start thinking about what I want out of life..

 

[cdmccool]

Originally posted by: Old Hippie

I'm one of those people that don't want kids, ever.

I've had that mindset since I was 16. Got divorced from my first wife because she changed her mind, and wanted them.

Got a vasectomy at 35.

Now, at 55, I know I made the correct decision.

"Missed things" because I never had offspring? Absolutely!
Did different things than my friends with kids? Absolutely!

Able to live my life the way I wanted to....Priceless!

Just wait until you're older, you will regret your decision someday!

I don't want kids and never will. Maybe I am missing out, but they say ignorance is bliss.