To learn to shrug things off and not live in the past...

[manlymatt83]

Last Summer (Summer 2005) until this past May I was still in College, and played music with this guy almost every day. This past May, when we graduated, we moved away from each other, and I began a new life in my new town.

Today I invite him to my new years eve party, and he informs me that he's going to his band's party..... I inquire about the band, and he tells me he's been in it for a few months now, but that we don't really talk anymore so I didn't really find out about it.

Normal people would shrug this off right? I guess I am. People move apart and life changes...

But I guess my main question is: how do most people shrug stuff in the past off, and realize things are part of the past? For example, getting over an ex girlfriend, moving on from College, moving on from an old job and/or old memories. I'm just wondering. I thinik that's my problem. I have a hard time letting go of the past, and it gives me a lot of anxiety.

Just curious to know what people do/how people do it.

 

[KLin]

What's there to shrug off about that situation?

 

[Orsorum]

You do it from experience and going through events like this a few times. After a while, you take things a lot less personally and a lot less whimsically. Learn to enjoy friendships and acquaintanceships for what they are, bright lights in the fog of our lives. Savor them while they're there and learn to let go gracefully.

 

[chambersc]

You just do it.

 

[Saint Nick]

are you mad because you aren't in his band and he didn't ask you?

 

[manlymatt83]

Originally posted by: pOwder
are you mad because you aren't in his band and he didn't ask you?

More that we kind of agreed to start our own again once things had calmed down, and he had told me that if he found something to join he would let me know --- he didn't.

I'm not mad that he didn't ask me ... not at all, in fact I probably would have said no. Its more the realization that things are changing now.

 

[Saint Nick]

I had something like that happen to me. I was in a band with some guys for the longest time, we went out seperate ways, and he formed some other stuff. I didn't mind, because I was off doing my own thing solo-wise and with some other guys. I do hope to play with him again, someday.

 

[dug777]

If i could, i'd shrug off the horrendous mental scarring your threads have caused me over the last year or so...life's a bitch






















Happy New Year! :beer:

 

[manlymatt83]

Originally posted by: dug777
If i could, i'd shrug off the horrendous mental scarring your threads have caused me over the last year or so...life's a bitch






















Happy New Year! :beer:

Funny, I was reading through my threads, and the crazyness started exactly a year ago December 19th... so about a year and a week and a half ago...

Turns out its the same day my ex dumped me Man did I get screwed up after that, and I think all of my new threads are just pure habit,

 

[OVerLoRDI]

It happens to all of us. There isn't any secret, times change, people change and you just have to adjust. The key to it is to be happy with yourself and not rely on others to make you happy. If you are happy with yourself the changing world around you is no longer as important to your happiness.

 

[mobobuff]

Originally posted by: Orsorum
You do it from experience and going through events like this a few times. After a while, you take things a lot less personally and a lot less whimsically. Learn to enjoy friendships and acquaintanceships for what they are, bright lights in the fog of our lives. Savor them while they're there and learn to let go gracefully.

As good as I could have said it.

I just got out of what I thought was a healthy relationship. But my ex-fiance cheated on me and ended it 2 months ago. It lasted 4 years. The first two weeks were excrutiatingly difficult, but now I've let go and I'm making some changes in my life. That always helps, making changes.

She decided to cheat on me one month after we bought a house together. Not to mention the debt she put me in. But I let go, somehow. Good friends help, as well.

Be graceful, just what Orsorum said. Be graceful.

 

[MmmSkyscraper]

It's in the past. You can't change it, but you can learn from it. What you do now and in the future is more important.

 

[Flyback]

Try not to get too offended by his actions (or lackthereof for not telling you). People drift apart over time. Largely it stems from two things: our careers and life path take us in different directions AND we don't stop it.

If you know ahead of time that you have to fight to keep what is important to you (friendships), then I think you can cut it off to an extent. Sure, people will still change and get married, have kids, and have less time to hang out--but you can absolutely still keep up and hang out once every couple of weeks. I think largely people say they will commit to making friendships last, but it takes a backburner. If you get proactive about it then who knows?

 

[PeeluckyDuckee]

The better moments in life are to be cherished, as they rarely last, at least from my own life experience so far. I got me a camera phone and took snaps and vids whenever I could to savour the happy memories.

As for letting things go, there are those who want to learn to let go, then there's others like me who wish to remain living in the past. I've realised, but I just choose not to move forward. Moving in any direction seems rather pointless and meaningness now. Perhaps if the past didn't occur I might feel much differently about life now and be motivated by some other force to move forward in life.

Unfortunately with life, times change and so do people. I can't tell you how you should move on, as you already know what you need to do, it's a matter of doing it.

 

[dingnecros]

if you have trouble controlling emotions or think too much about something find something engrossing and time consuming for me its designing electrical circuits helps me at work and keeps me occupied for hours. I college In used to find math and electromagnetics pretty engrossing I guess that why I am a EE geek meditation music and religion help too if you find comfort in those. One of my weirdo friends confessed to me that he likes to find an isolated field and run as fast as he can until he is sick from exhaustion. I seriously recommend against something like this but whatever helps him to cope