Trust me and others that have to put up with real winters, you're not missing anything. Sure it's nice and serene for the first 3 - 8 hours. Then the salters and sanders come in. Suddenly the nice snow becomes a nasty gray/brown mushy slush. The funky part is that it's not solid or liquid, kinda that in between stuff like McDonald's milkshakes. It looks firm enough to stand on until you take a step and they crap goes above you ankles and floods you shoes.
If you are driving, road salt leaves a nasty film on your windshield. The more you use your wipers, the more it smears into a chalk-like film until you can't see. It's not unheard of to use a gallon of windshield washer fluid in one day of commuting. After the snow stops, your entire car is covered with a nice coat of the stuff too. You have to wash it off since we all know that salt can turn steel into swiss cheese faster than the French army can surrender to an invasion by Girl Scouts. Lines at carwashes soon remind you of the Moses' exodus out of Egypt. Of course the alternative is not sanding or salting which is not done in ecologically sensative areas. The nice painted lanes are no longer visible. Then we have idiots that take up 3 lanes because they can only follow to the lines. As each car goes over the track of the previous car, the tires melt the snow ever so slightly. It then freezes over and the road loses all adhesion.
Then you have many types of idiot drivers out there. The ones that go 5MPH in the fast lane slowing down traffic to a crawl. While it is prudent to reduce your speed, these people feel the need to go as fast as a tricyles. Then there are the idiots that do 100MPH because they think their SUV are better than in the snow. YEA RIGHT, one my 10 miles commute, there is usually at least one truck in the ditch during each storm. Of course the people driving 5MPH suddenly slow down to 1.69 MPH to rubberneck. Slow traffic is bad but at least you can go around it eventually. They worst is when you see a plow/salter squadron in wedge formation. Basically about 5 plow are staggered across a highway like this:
^
.^
..^
...^
....^
Since they are offset, there is no way to pass. You are then stuck behind a 20MPH formation. In some areas where "snow emergencies" are declared, these truck have the full right of way so it's not unheard of for these guys to plow through red light and taking out some little Camaro or Accord.
Anyone familiar with "car snot" around here? This beautiful term applies to generic clingons that come off a vehicle at high speed. It's amusing when cars lose a soft chunk of gray snot off the wheelwell but it's downright dangerous when a 6' x 6' sheet of ice comes flying off the roof of a car or minivan. They windshield cracking, hood denting monsters can be downright dangerous. The ultimate "carsnot" is when a semi loses a 8' x 25" sheet like a giant white sawblade. When one of these awesome monsters comes at you, the "pucker" factor can make you butthole suck the cushion clear off the seat.
Who took Jr. High physics? Remember such novel concepts as the "freeze-thaw cycle" and "ice wedging"? Anyway, these two combines leads to potholes. Actually potholes is a light term for some of these craters. Basically the temperature during the day can rise to above freezing which melts the now. At night however, everything freezes again. In it's liquid form, water tends to get into nooks and cranies in places like asphalt. Anyone remember what happens when water freezes? That's right kids, it expands. This expansion quickly fractures the road surface. Then we have the snow plows come in and gouge out the lose rock. Soon tiny pothole look like meteor strikes on the highway. One impact will guarentee a rim replacement.
Pedestrians also have to contend with the ice. Anything short of golfshoes ensures you that walking is a tracherous extreme sport. Many times these patches of ice are camoflagued better than a feces covered NVA Punji pit. You don't know you've been ambushed until you are flat on your ass watching strangers conceal their laughter. All this is even more dangerous when you are driving and hit a patch of black ice. It's a heck of an experience to hear the driver go, "Oh Sh1T" and then realize the car behind you is now the car infront as you swap ends.
Those that don't have snow throwers must shovel their own driveways. Depending on the consistancy, one large shovelful can weigh over 30lbs. It takes ohhhh.... give or take many hundreds of shovel loads to clear a driveway. It's not unheard of for people to suffer heart attacks for over exertion when shoveling the crap. All your hard work can be destroyed in 3 seconds if you get "plowed in". This phenomena seems to only occure AFTER you cleared your driveway or just dug out your car from a streetside spot. A snow plow is guaranteed to rumble around the corner and rebury everything. It seems they us military KH-11 spy satellites to pinpoint who has has spend 3 hours clearing everything and then dispatches a plow via secure datalink to order a "plow in". Phuckers!!!!
To all those that wish it snowed where they live, you're not missing anything.
Windogg
If you are driving, road salt leaves a nasty film on your windshield. The more you use your wipers, the more it smears into a chalk-like film until you can't see. It's not unheard of to use a gallon of windshield washer fluid in one day of commuting. After the snow stops, your entire car is covered with a nice coat of the stuff too. You have to wash it off since we all know that salt can turn steel into swiss cheese faster than the French army can surrender to an invasion by Girl Scouts. Lines at carwashes soon remind you of the Moses' exodus out of Egypt. Of course the alternative is not sanding or salting which is not done in ecologically sensative areas. The nice painted lanes are no longer visible. Then we have idiots that take up 3 lanes because they can only follow to the lines. As each car goes over the track of the previous car, the tires melt the snow ever so slightly. It then freezes over and the road loses all adhesion.
Then you have many types of idiot drivers out there. The ones that go 5MPH in the fast lane slowing down traffic to a crawl. While it is prudent to reduce your speed, these people feel the need to go as fast as a tricyles. Then there are the idiots that do 100MPH because they think their SUV are better than in the snow. YEA RIGHT, one my 10 miles commute, there is usually at least one truck in the ditch during each storm. Of course the people driving 5MPH suddenly slow down to 1.69 MPH to rubberneck. Slow traffic is bad but at least you can go around it eventually. They worst is when you see a plow/salter squadron in wedge formation. Basically about 5 plow are staggered across a highway like this:
^
.^
..^
...^
....^
Since they are offset, there is no way to pass. You are then stuck behind a 20MPH formation. In some areas where "snow emergencies" are declared, these truck have the full right of way so it's not unheard of for these guys to plow through red light and taking out some little Camaro or Accord.
Anyone familiar with "car snot" around here? This beautiful term applies to generic clingons that come off a vehicle at high speed. It's amusing when cars lose a soft chunk of gray snot off the wheelwell but it's downright dangerous when a 6' x 6' sheet of ice comes flying off the roof of a car or minivan. They windshield cracking, hood denting monsters can be downright dangerous. The ultimate "carsnot" is when a semi loses a 8' x 25" sheet like a giant white sawblade. When one of these awesome monsters comes at you, the "pucker" factor can make you butthole suck the cushion clear off the seat.
Who took Jr. High physics? Remember such novel concepts as the "freeze-thaw cycle" and "ice wedging"? Anyway, these two combines leads to potholes. Actually potholes is a light term for some of these craters. Basically the temperature during the day can rise to above freezing which melts the now. At night however, everything freezes again. In it's liquid form, water tends to get into nooks and cranies in places like asphalt. Anyone remember what happens when water freezes? That's right kids, it expands. This expansion quickly fractures the road surface. Then we have the snow plows come in and gouge out the lose rock. Soon tiny pothole look like meteor strikes on the highway. One impact will guarentee a rim replacement.
Pedestrians also have to contend with the ice. Anything short of golfshoes ensures you that walking is a tracherous extreme sport. Many times these patches of ice are camoflagued better than a feces covered NVA Punji pit. You don't know you've been ambushed until you are flat on your ass watching strangers conceal their laughter. All this is even more dangerous when you are driving and hit a patch of black ice. It's a heck of an experience to hear the driver go, "Oh Sh1T" and then realize the car behind you is now the car infront as you swap ends.
Those that don't have snow throwers must shovel their own driveways. Depending on the consistancy, one large shovelful can weigh over 30lbs. It takes ohhhh.... give or take many hundreds of shovel loads to clear a driveway. It's not unheard of for people to suffer heart attacks for over exertion when shoveling the crap. All your hard work can be destroyed in 3 seconds if you get "plowed in". This phenomena seems to only occure AFTER you cleared your driveway or just dug out your car from a streetside spot. A snow plow is guaranteed to rumble around the corner and rebury everything. It seems they us military KH-11 spy satellites to pinpoint who has has spend 3 hours clearing everything and then dispatches a plow via secure datalink to order a "plow in". Phuckers!!!!
To all those that wish it snowed where they live, you're not missing anything.
Windogg
