Time to change.

[thirtythree]

Maybe this isn't the best place to ask for advice but here goes ..

I've always been very quiet/reserved. I don't really have a problem with this but I want to be able to say something when I need to. Someone suggested going to Denny's at 3 in the morning and talking to random people. I tried this tonight and didn't end up talking to anyone. It was bad enough trying to order my food from the waiter. I just tend to mumble and say stupid things. I hate it. I want to be able to walk up to a stranger and say hi. Is that too much to ask? Yet it seems like an impossibility. I think I'm pretty good at communicating what I want to say in writing. I just need to learn to say the same things in real life. So, any advice you have would be appreciated. No need to post if you don't have anything useful to say (though I won't mind the free bumps). I'm not making this thread to get attention. I could care less what ATOT thinks of me but I need to change and I know there are some people on here who get by in the real world.

Thanks.

 

[Jugernot]

I think the best way to learn to talk to people is through practice. Goto a part of town that you don't normally goto and just try talking to people. If you mess up, don't worry about it as you'll probably never see them again anyways. Seriously! I've had friends do this with girls. They are shy, so they goto a club or bar and just start talking to people to get a feel for it. If they screw up, they just goto another and try on someone else.

You have to force yourself out of your comfort zone to make any headway. It isn't just going to happen on it's own.

 

[thirtythree]

Most likely I won't ever see those people at Denny's again either. I don't know what it is that I'm afraid of. It's probably just because I'm used to not saying anything my whole life .. that comfort zone you were talking about. I guess there's no easy way to do it.

 

[Chaotic42]

Just talk to clerks at stores and such. The worst that could happen is they're terse to you.

 

[thirtythree]

Originally posted by: Chaotic42
Just talk to clerks at stores and such. The worst that could happen is they're terse to you.

Hah, I suppose so but you wouldn't believe how difficult this is for me. I'd sooner walk all over the store than ask where something is. If I can't find what I'm looking for I'll just leave. I guess practice is the answer. I just have trouble motivating myself ..

 

[nan0bug]

Just get really drunk and beligerant. People will love you, and will always want to hear what you have to say.

 

[Booster]

Sorry, I don't get it. Maybe you just don't need to talk to all those people. People usually don't talk just like that - always on purpose. This is boring, but these are the rules I guess.

 

[thirtythree]

Originally posted by: nan0bug
Just get really drunk and beligerant. People will love you, and will always want to hear what you have to say.

I don't drink and I don't intend to start.

 

[thirtythree]

Originally posted by: Booster
Sorry, I don't get it. Maybe you just don't need to talk to all those people. People usually don't talk just like that - always on purpose. This is boring, but these are the rules I guess.

Hmm .. I'm not sure what you mean. Care to explain?

 

[HappyPuppy]

This is BS. I talk to people in elevatorsand in the checkout line at the supermarket. My work takes me all over Los Angeles County. I get calls in South Central and when I get out of my car I acknowledge the people. When I am walking down the sidewalk I greet people and, if they are walking their dog, I kick the little rat bastard!:Q

 

[Tbirdkid]

This is probably a self confidence issue. Be confident man. Women love confidence and do yourself a favor and go to the gym alot. People in the gym are very friendly and you meet lots of women there too. Not to mention building your self confidence with the way you look. Dont doubt yourself be sure of yourself. BELIEVE in yourself. Noone else is gonna do it for ya. I had the same issues when I was younger. But now I am married and I had a successful job but just got laid off on friday. I am just being positive because I know i was a positive influence on the company. I will find another job and I will succeed. As you will find your self confidence and you will succeed.

 

[Shockwave]

*heh* No advice, just a quick story.

One day at Applebees I was havin a few drinks. A HOT chick was across the bar. So, super slick Shock goes on over. I sit by her and strike up a convo. It goes horribly. I can tell right away I'll be getting nowhere, and fast. So, I do the normal few nice guy "pick up" lines, little chit chat. She finally looks at me and asks if I was just interested in getting in her pants in a good sarcastic "Go fvsk yourself and die" tone. I look at her dead on, say "No ma'am. I have my own pants, I can get in those anytime I want thank you." and walk off. Finished my drink and went home to recoup my losses. At least I got a chuckle out of gettin shot down.

 

[Azraele]

Maybe start small. Start by making eye contact with people and smiling in passing. Then move on to a quick "hello" or "good evening." Go from there.

 

[anno]

you could try practicing in lines.. at the grocery or dmv or wherever you find yourself standing in a line of people for a few minutes. don't even have to be talking to anyone in particular.. just insert the thoughts you're keeping to yourself (about whatever's happening.. totally random thoughts probably will not give you much conversational practice) into the general conversation going on around you. find the humor in the situation and express it to no one in particular. if somebody responds then you have a little mini-conversation going and then they're gone and you've had your practice.

anno

 

[xirtam]

My guess is that you're introverted and spend a lot of time keeping your thoughts to yourself. What may seem like a normal thought to you might not even have crossed the mind of somebody else. Share it.

That thought, spawned by my own introverted processes, was what motivated me to come out of my shell, so to speak, for the first time. It becomes natural... it really does, but not until you just learn to talk to people.

Also imagining the absurdity of the worst-case scenarios might provoke you to enough laughter to loosen you up. The image of a rather attractive waitress whipping out a submachine gun in response to my attempt at trite conversation... have the imagination, use it, then say "it can't be that bad" and jump in.

 

[Jzero]

Join your local chapter ofToastmasters. They will help you immensely.

Oh, and don't talk to drunks at Denny's. My friend once quipped "All bad nights end at Denny's." That line has a good deal of basis in fact.

 

[thirtythree]

Also imagining the absurdity of the worst-case scenarios might provoke you to enough laughter to loosen you up. The image of a rather attractive waitress whipping out a submachine gun in response to my attempt at trite conversation... have the imagination, use it, then say "it can't be that bad" and jump in.

Haha, I'll have to try that some time.

Oh, and don't talk to drunks at Denny's. My friend once quipped "All bad nights end at Denny's." That line has a good deal of basis in fact.

Ha. I don't plan on making a habit of it. I just thought I'd give it a try. I don't know about Toastmasters .. what exactly do they do at meetings?

Thanks for the replies everyone.