Thoughts by george Carlin

Jokersmoker

Text Enjoy
Jan 25, 2000
10,155
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1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
> > > 2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
> > > 3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
> > > 4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
> > > 5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
> > > 6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
> > > 7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
> > > 8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
> > > 9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already
> > > there?
> > > 10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
> > > 11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
> > > 12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
> > > 13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
> > > 14. Why do "overlook" & "oversee" mean opposite things?
> > > 15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
> > > 16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
> > > 17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
> > > 18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
> > > 19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
> > > 20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
> > > 21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when
you
> > > know the batteries are dead?
> > > 22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
> > > 23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
> > > 24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
> > > 25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
> > > 26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
> > > 27. Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in
front
> of
> > > a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks

Jokersmoker
 

notfred

Lifer
Feb 12, 2001
38,241
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It's funny, but it doesn't sound like Carlin material. Sure the author is correct?
 

Kadarin

Lifer
Nov 23, 2001
44,296
16
81
Originally posted by: notfred
It's funny, but it doesn't sound like Carlin material. Sure the author is correct?

Steven Wright material is better, too.. :D
 

Jugernot

Diamond Member
Oct 12, 1999
6,889
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Here is the list in a more readable format:

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
14. Why do "overlook" & "oversee" mean opposite things?
15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
27. Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks