those with spouses that hate your sister in law

[FoBoT]

my wife hates my sister in law (my brother's wife)
she thinks the sister in law dislikes her, she very well may, i don't know/can't tell. i am not a "people person" in terms of figuring stuff like that out

i like to see my brother and feel that our kids should visit their cousins, but it is always a fight/struggle to get my wife to go to their house to visit

should i just give it up and take only the kids? if i do that, do i make up a lie or just say she isn't coming down anymore?

do i stop going to my brothers house and make them always come to our place? (my wife is willing to let them come to our place/is civil to them when they come to our house, but they have six kids/giant van, so it is $$ in gas for them)

anyone here have a spouse that hates someone on your side of the family?

 

[MikeMike]

bang her?

MIKE

 

[AMDZen]

Well I don't have a solution for you, but it is pretty unfair that you always do the driving. 6 kids or not, they should come down to see you sometimes. Maybe not as often as you go, but with you always driving, that could be part of it for your wife.

 

[Anonemous]

WWDPD?

(ask Dr. Phil?)

 

[EagleKeeper]

Does not hate her, just does not feel that friendly toward her.

 

[Gravity]

It's a common struggle that most marriages face. Try to negotiate, if unable to negotiate, then decide if visiting is worth the price of your marriage. Going without her seems to be working. Perhaps your wife knows something horrible about her that she is afraid to tell you about. OTOH, she could be jealous of her.

Either way, it prolly won't change. If you go wtihout her, try to do it in a way that makes you look good; "honey, I know you don't want to go, so I'll just take the kids. I don't want you to be there with her if it bothers you." You gain points!

 

[FoBoT]

Originally posted by: AMDZen
Well I don't have a solution for you, but it is pretty unfair that you always do the driving. 6 kids or not, they should come down to see you sometimes. Maybe not as often as you go, but with you always driving, that could be part of it for your wife.

i didn't fill that part in, they do drive up to our place, it is more less even on us taking turns making the drive, but now it is our turn and my wife is making excuses not to go

the problem isn't the travel (mostly)

 

[DainBramaged]

Tell her that if she doesn't go, you will have to put the chain on her to make sure she stays in the kitchen.

 

[FoBoT]

Originally posted by: Gravity
Perhaps your wife knows something horrible about her that she is afraid to tell you about. OTOH, she could be jealous of her.

i mostly know why, the sister in law is into herbal healing and breast feeding kids until they have teeth/can walk, homeschooling and other "far out" type stuff that my wife is opposed to. i just ignore it, we only visit for a couple days at a time, if they want to skip doctors and have their kids at home/mid-wife, etc, no skin off my nose, but it bothers my wife

 

[DainBramaged]

Originally posted by: FoBoT

Originally posted by: Gravity
Perhaps your wife knows something horrible about her that she is afraid to tell you about. OTOH, she could be jealous of her.

the sister in law is into breast feeding kids until they have teeth

That's hot.

 

[crystal]

Leave the wife at home. Go and enjoy your time with your brother and let the kids play together.

 

Tell your wife to stop being a stuckup bitch and deal with your family situation. It's part of the bargain you agree to when you marry.

 

[FoBoT]

Originally posted by: SampSon
Tell your wife to stop being a stuckup bitch and deal with your family situation. It's part of the bargain you agree to when you marry.

that is what i have been doing so far, and it just causes tension/fights

i am thinking of surrendering and doing what crystal/others are saying, just take my kids and leave the wife at home by herself

it will just suck either lying about why she isn't there or saying "if you want to know why she stayed home, call her and ask her" or whatever

 

[Geekbabe]

Originally posted by: SampSon
Tell your wife to stop being a stuckup bitch and deal with your family situation. It's part of the bargain you agree to when you marry.

I disagree. The OP's wife isn't saying that the OP can't go and spend time with his family
she's saying she can't stand the SIL.It would be one thing if these visits were for an afternoon or an evening but spending a few days stuck with people you can't stand is too much.

 

[PingSpike]

I say, just stop bringing your wife to their house.

 

[Koing]

For the sake of your marriage and mental health just don't piss her off!

Ask how she feels about you going to visit them with the kids? Does she mind?

Koing

 

Originally posted by: FoBoT

Originally posted by: SampSon
Tell your wife to stop being a stuckup bitch and deal with your family situation. It's part of the bargain you agree to when you marry.

that is what i have been doing so far, and it just causes tension/fights

i am thinking of surrendering and doing what crystal/others are saying, just take my kids and leave the wife at home by herself

it will just suck either lying about why she isn't there or saying "if you want to know why she stayed home, call her and ask her" or whatever

Truly sad that your wife can't even put on a facade for a short amount of time to deal with a person that will probably be in her life for good (if all goes as planned).

I'd say just let her stay home and if the topic of why she isn't there comes up, you say "I'm not sure, call her up and ask". She should be the one put on the spot, not you. You shouldn't have to lie to your own blood because your wife has some personal issues with your SIL's opinions and way of life. If it was me, I would tell my brother in confidentiality about the true issue.

I disagree. The OP's wife isn't saying that the OP can't go and spend time with his family
she's saying she can't stand the SIL.It would be one thing if these visits were for an afternoon or an evening but spending a few days stuck with people you can't stand is too much.

That's fine, and I agree that fobot should go to his brothers without his wife. But it seems that fobot's wife is making BS excuses why not to go visit their nieces and nephews and his brother. It all stems from her bias outlook her SIL, if that is the true issue, she should just come out and tell Fobot that is the issue, and then deal with any repercussions because of it.

 

[Amdiggidy]

My sister-in-law is an idiot in similar fashion to yours. Only I'm totally validated in thinking she's an idiot because, well....she's a moron. Her only goal in life was to get pregnant. And now that she's pregnant she's far too "fragile" to do anything worthwhile: "rub my feet, feed me snacks, worship me for the lazy beeawtch that I am." And no, she's not on bedrest or anything like that. I've had plenty of pregnant relatives who were able to live life just fine without complaining every two minutes. Words can't describe how "insta-raged" I become when I'm around her. And she thinks getting an education is pointless (she made it through 1/2 semester of community college before deciding it was too hard for her). She's really not that bright....common sense-wise nor book smart. She got married and sat around all day until she and her husband were able to conceive. (no job while he was going to school---nothing).

You may think I'm harsh but trust me, if you met her you'd know what I mean. So yes, unfortunately, I guess I can relate.

 

[spacejamz]

hey, OP, does your wife have any siblings? If so, how do you treat them?

 

[ohtwell]

I hate my brother's wife. Luckily they are getting divorced.


: ) Amanda

 

[JackOfHearts]

I hate Both my sisters in law... One is a stuck up british *****. The other bad mouths me every chance she gets to everyone. I have been nothing but nice to both of them... Some people just don't get along. When she doesn't come along just say she wanted some "me" time so she sent you out.

 

[Landroval]

FoBoT,

There is something else that might help understand the situation better. That is, is the hostility (veiled or otherwise) coming from your wife because she feels the other is "putting her down" and acting like a superior mother? Does the SiL act this way as far as you can tell? Or is your wife being a little elitist herslef and tryng to dis the SiL because she is portaying her as an inferior mother. The reason I ask is because women often try to outdo each other, especially when they are insecure. It could be your wife just looks down on her, or it could be she feels some internal guilt. Or it could be the SiL is aggravating because she puts on an air of being a better parent.

I know two women, former exotic dancers, who are among the most insecure people I have ever met. One gave birth first and became "Natural Mom" and always had 8000 opinions about other people's childrearing. The tension between these two was immense because Natural Mom was truly irritating and because Working Mom felt a little guilty, as well as irritated. It was hell being around either of them hehe. Not saying this is the same dynamic, but it may help you to think along these lines in trying to understand what exactly is going on.

edit: typos

 

[Darilus]

I hate my little brothers girlfriend, and they're most likely to get married.. Does that count? Stupidity, a horribly obnoxious laugh, and she talks without the slightest fragment of thought preceding it..

The selfless part of me is glad that my brother appears to be happy.

The rest of me hopes that she dies in traffic.

 

[flxnimprtmscl]

They have six kids? I'm with you wife. I hate her too.

 

[JulesMaximus]

My sister-in-law (wife's brother's spouse) is a bit of a whiner and she's a loud talker but she's generally okay.

How often does this "problem" come up?