Those of you with kids: Are you happy with your decision to have children?

[Gunslinger08]

I don't have children, but I've been thinking about this as well. It's selfish, but I think I'd prefer to live a life unbridled by that responsibility. I never have understood people who have children just because they don't want to be lonely when they're old.

 

[MrsBugi]

Originally posted by: Balt
Well, why do you want kids? Is it because your families/friends/etc expect you to have them or is it because you actually want them?

It's also disconcerting to see how troubled so many children and teens seem to be nowadays, with increasing rates of cutting, depression, etc. I realize that with a good upbringing and good parenting these negative effects can be minimized, but I wonder how society will be in the year 2029, when the child might be entering high school (wow... 2029!).

Don't buy in to all of that. The cutting/emo thing is not as prevalent as you probably believe.

Thanks for that reassurance, Balt. Sometimes it's a little too easy to get sucked into what the media is hyping at the moment.

Our families haven't actually expressed any preference one way or another about them, and some of our friends are encouraging it whereas others are discouraging it due to their own experiences.

Right now, our husband and I are feeling conflicted about whether or not to have a child. Both of us like to plan, and it's a challenging trying to figure out "when" the best time to have one would be, if at all (as aforementioned, given factors such as wanting to be settled, own a home, career considerations, etc.).

 

[MrsBugi]

Originally posted by: FoBoT
my wife said from the start she would be done bearing children at 30 yrs

we had one when she was 24 and the other when she was 29

Interesting, did she say why that was?

That's about the time we'll begin trying, if not a few years later.

 

[Homerboy]

Oh in addition to what other's have said, we chose to have them early as A) we knew we wanted them and B)We wanted to be able to enjoy them and them enjoy us. I didn't want to be 60yrs old when they graduated HS. I wanted to be able to run and play with them. We had our first when we were 27. Not exactly "young" but not "old" either.

 

[MrsBugi]

Originally posted by: Specop 007
If you wait to have kids till your ready, you'll never have kids.

Mine werent planned. Well, I should say the having-the-kid part wasnt planned. The get-some-nookie part was planned though. Guess I should have put a bit more planning into it......

You know specop 007, it would almost be easier if a baby came along "unplanned," because it's so much more difficult/stressful/challenging trying to plan one!

 

[pinion9]

25 and have a 3 year old and 3 month old.

Best decision ever.

It makes certain things harder (no, I don't take my 3 year old to rated R movies and hope they sleep.) On the other hand, there are so many benefits I don't care about the inconvenience. You just need to remember to have a sitter once in a while and have adult dinner and wine.

As for traveling...MUCH better with kids. Except Vegas. I took my daughter (18 months at the time) to Maui and we took her when she was 2.5 y/o to Washington D.C., Virginia, and the Dominican Republic. She went to Vegas with us and we had to do things other than hit the strip every night (Hoover Dam, etc.) I look back on those pictures and she made vacation much better. She is a good little world traveler

 

[Specop 007]

It was a cool cloudy Sunday last week and my son wanted to work on riding his bike. We've been working on it for a while and hes almost there.

So we went out to work on it. I ran up the street behind him holding on to the seat....Ran back down the street holding on....Turned around and started off....

And let go. And he rode.

Text

Text

Text

 

[Homerboy]

Originally posted by: Specop 007
It was a cool cloudy Sunday last week and my son wanted to work on riding his bike. We've been working on it for a while and hes almost there.

So we went out to work on it. I ran up the street behind him holding on to the seat....Ran back down the street holding on....Turned around and started off....

And let go. And he rode.

Text

Text

Text

That's my springtime goal with my 5yr old! (he's kinda a wussy with stuff like that)

 

[MrsBugi]

Originally posted by: Homerboy
Here's the deal... life as you know it PRE-KIDS will end POST-KIDS. Simple as that. Is that bad or good? Only you can decide.
Do I miss the things I did when we didn't have kids? Sure as hell I do.
Would I give them all up and make the same decision again. Sure as hell I would.
Nothing... NOTHING that I did or said or was able to do pre-kids can compare to even the slightest smile from one of my children. Nothing....NOTHING beats feeling the heartbeat of your kid. Simple as that.

But then again...kids are not for eveyone.

Ah, the big "Life Pre-Kids" and "Life Post-Kids" decision... I wonder if we might be a couple who kids are "just not for." We love our dogs, but as I uderstand it children take a considerable amount more time and money to raise.

The feeling you describe upon seeing a smile from your child sounds so nice... part of me wants to experience that, but the other part of me is worried that I'm one of the "not for everyone's."

Originally posted by: joshsquall
I don't have children, but I've been thinking about this as well. It's selfish, but I think I'd prefer to live a life unbridled by that responsibility. I never have understood people who have children just because they don't want to be lonely when they're old.

My husband and I have those "selfish" thoughts, too. If we have a child, we would devote the next 18 years of our lives to raising him/her and undoubtedly make many personal sacrifices for him/her along the way...

 

[Specop 007]

Originally posted by: Homerboy

Originally posted by: Specop 007
It was a cool cloudy Sunday last week and my son wanted to work on riding his bike. We've been working on it for a while and hes almost there.

So we went out to work on it. I ran up the street behind him holding on to the seat....Ran back down the street holding on....Turned around and started off....

And let go. And he rode.

Text

Text

Text

That's my springtime goal with my 5yr old! (he's kinda a wussy with stuff like that)

Mine turned 6 in August. I try to encourage him to do things without pushing him. He didnt want to learn on his new bike, so we waited until he was ready.

But damn if he cant ring steel plates at 50 yards with a .22 like nobodys business!

 

[cyclistca]

Ok I don't have kids but I was like you at your age. I'm now the big 4 0.

I never really wanted to have kids. Liked to travel and do all sorts of outdoors stuff. Now I'm wondering whether I made the right chose. Big problem is that I'm currently in a relationship with someone that does not want to have kids. So do I break up with this person and start all over again, especially at my age?

The fact that you are concerned about children and how they are being raise to me is a sign that you have the potential to be a great parent. You are the kind of person that should be having children. As apposed to those that are having them because it's something on a checklist.

Remember that you can always travel after your kids grow up. Hopefully you won?t be supporting them forever.

 

[MrsBugi]

Originally posted by: Specop 007
It was a cool cloudy Sunday last week and my son wanted to work on riding his bike. We've been working on it for a while and hes almost there.

So we went out to work on it. I ran up the street behind him holding on to the seat....Ran back down the street holding on....Turned around and started off....

And let go. And he rode.

Text

Text

Text

Look at him go!

I guess right now, my husband and I don't understand why parents love showing off pictures of their children at work, etc. I suppose it'd be neat to see your own little creation accomplishing all sorts of things, and kind of experience all the magic and wonder of life with them along the way.

 

[Specop 007]

Originally posted by: cyclistca
Ok I don't have kids but I was like you at your age. I'm now the big 4 0.

I never really wanted to have kids. Liked to travel and do all sorts of outdoors stuff. Now I'm wondering whether I made the right chose. Big problem is that I'm currently in a relationship with someone that does not want to have kids. So do I break up with this person and start all over again, especially at my age?

The fact that you are concerned about children and how they are being raise to me is a sign that you have the potential to be a great parent. You are the kind of person that should be having children. As apposed to those that are having them because it's something on a checklist.

Remember that you can always travel after your kids grow up. Hopefully you won?t be supporting them forever.

Thats the biggest thing to remember. Your pre-child life doesnt END when you have kids. Its just gets broken up into little chunks. Your family (hopefully!) watches the kids so you can go on vacation for a week......etc etc etc.

But for damn sure life changes after kids. And really, in retrospect, all the things I've done really dont measure up to raising good children.

 

[GuitarDaddy]

Originally posted by: MrsBugi

Originally posted by: Homerboy
Here's the deal... life as you know it PRE-KIDS will end POST-KIDS. Simple as that. Is that bad or good? Only you can decide.
Do I miss the things I did when we didn't have kids? Sure as hell I do.
Would I give them all up and make the same decision again. Sure as hell I would.
Nothing... NOTHING that I did or said or was able to do pre-kids can compare to even the slightest smile from one of my children. Nothing....NOTHING beats feeling the heartbeat of your kid. Simple as that.

But then again...kids are not for eveyone.

Ah, the big "Life Pre-Kids" and "Life Post-Kids" decision... I wonder if we might be a couple who kids are "just not for." We love our dogs, but as I uderstand it children take a considerable amount more time and money to raise.

The feeling you describe upon seeing a smile from your child sounds so nice... part of me wants to experience that, but the other part of me is worried that I'm one of the "not for everyone's."

Originally posted by: joshsquall
I don't have children, but I've been thinking about this as well. It's selfish, but I think I'd prefer to live a life unbridled by that responsibility. I never have understood people who have children just because they don't want to be lonely when they're old.

My husband and I have those "selfish" thoughts, too. If we have a child, we would devote the next 18 years of our lives to raising him/her and undoubtedly make many personal sacrifices for him/her along the way...

Most people are so focused on the sacrifices that they overlook the benifiets, like watching them succeed or graduate, or the birth of a grandchild. it just keeps getting better

 

[Bryophyte]

Yeah.

 

[Howard]

milf

 

[MrsBugi]

Originally posted by: cyclistca
Ok I don't have kids but I was like you at your age. I'm now the big 4 0.

I never really wanted to have kids. Liked to travel and do all sorts of outdoors stuff. Now I'm wondering whether I made the right chose. Big problem is that I'm currently in a relationship with someone that does not want to have kids. So do I break up with this person and start all over again, especially at my age?

The fact that you are concerned about children and how they are being raise to me is a sign that you have the potential to be a great parent. You are the kind of person that should be having children. As apposed to those that are having them because it's something on a checklist.

Remember that you can always travel after your kids grow up. Hopefully you won?t be supporting them forever.

Thank you for such a warm and thoughtful message, cyclistca. My husband is very much like you - he likes to travel, do outdoorsy stuff, wants to own a home in the woods one day, and would even say something like the quote in your profile!

I think that you face some challenging decisions, given your age and place in life. I feel that you are lucky because you have the choice to make the decision to date and perhaps find a wonderful person who will make a good wife and mother for your children. If I waited until 40, I wouldn't have that freedom given the increased changes of things going wrong in such a late pregnancy.

I wish you the best of luck in making the right decision for yourself (and perhaps your future offspring! ).

 

[Homerboy]

Ah, the big "Life Pre-Kids" and "Life Post-Kids" decision... I wonder if we might be a couple who kids are "just not for." We love our dogs, but as I uderstand it children take a considerable amount more time and money to raise.

The feeling you describe upon seeing a smile from your child sounds so nice... part of me wants to experience that, but the other part of me is worried that I'm one of the "not for everyone's."

as I tell my friends when they start these Q&A's its not that your previous life "changes" it ceases to exist. Simple as that. And you start a whole new one. To me that is the way it should be. Pre-kids you are living for you (and your spouse). Post-Kids EVERY decision you make SHOULD take your kids into account on some level.

As you previously touched on, I think that is a major problem with kids and parents today. Parents feel they can still live for themselves on occasion and the kids become secondary ("Hey, I NEED to drive this Lexus and to afford the Lexus we need 2 jobs..." off the kids go to daycare It just shouldn't work that way.

Long story short, in all honesty, if you are not sure you want kids, don't have them. If t turns out to be a bad deicsion, for whatever reason, you will suffer AND the kid will suffer. We don't need anymore of that in this world.

Edit: not to say you can't put the post-kid life on hold for a night or a day and go out on the town like you used to. But you do have to find the sitter and you do have to come home and you WILL think about and talk about the kids whil eyou have that nice romantic/fun night out.

 

[dullard]

I want kids, and I will too face the same dilemma that you are facing. The fact is, that sucessful people in 1st world countries just don't need to have kids. We get hooked on the spoils that our hard work has brought, and we aren't willing to give that up. The Economist had an article about that very issue this week (relating successes in a country to the desire to be child free). Those who have little want kids. Those who have lots don't want to share it and thus don't want kids.

I think the ideal age to START having kids would be in the late 20s. Say 26-29. Why? Well that gives you time to get out of college (if you went), to get a stable career, to get a stable home, to find a mate, etc. Rushing it and doing it too much earlier would cause a lot of headaches that simple waiting can fix.

However I wouldn't want to start it too late. Why? Late births have a signficantly greater chance of defects. Later in life you are far less adaptable so that lifestyle changes are difficult and painful. I want to have a couple of children (2-3), so that means tha last child would be born in the lower 30s. I'd still have enough energy for the child. I can't imagine having a child near 40 and dealing with high school/college MYSPACE crap at the age of 60. If you wait too long, you'll lose your ability to have a second life (kids out of your hair at 50 gives you a chance to recreate yourself). Plus, I want to enjoy my grandchildren. I'd hate to be 80 when my first grandchild is born (if I even live that long). Grandchildren are were the real rewards are - all the joy and none of the work that parents have to face.

 

[nakedfrog]

Having kids shrinks some parts of your world, but it expands others. It made things harder starting out with kids as young as we did, but on the other side of the coin, the youngest one will be 18 when I'm 44. Instead of taking exotic vacations and what-not in our twenties, we'll be doing them in our forties. I think it can also make it easier to relate to your kids if you have them when you're younger.

 

[MrsBugi]

Originally posted by: dullard
I want kids, and I will too face the same dilemma that you are facing. The fact is, that sucessful people in 1st world countries just don't need to have kids. We get hooked on the spoils that our hard work has brought, and we aren't willing to give that up. The Economist had an article about that very issue this week (relating successes in a country to the desire to be child free). Those who have little want kids. Those who have lots don't want to share it and thus don't want kids.

I think the ideal age to START having kids would be in the late 20s. Say 26-29. Why? Well that gives you time to get out of college (if you went), to get a stable career, to get a stable home, to find a mate, etc. Rushing it and doing it too much earlier would cause a lot of headaches that simple waiting can fix.

However I wouldn't want to start it too late. Why? Late births have a signficantly greater chance of defects. Later in life you are far less adaptable so that lifestyle changes are difficult and painful. I want to have a couple of children (2-3), so that means tha last child would be born in the lower 30s. I'd still have enough energy for the child. I can't imagine having a child near 40 and dealing with high school/college MYSPACE crap at the age of 60. If you wait too long, you'll lose your ability to have a second life (kids out of your hair at 50 gives you a chance to recreate yourself). Plus, I want to enjoy my grandchildren. I'd hate to be 80 when my first grandchild is born (if I even live that long). Grandchildren are were the real rewards are - all the joy and none of the work that parents have to face.

Great post, dullard. I've noticed that trend too, amongst our friends. Those with a lot (i.e. the couple who owns a house, takes lots of vacations, goes surfing every day, etc.) don't want to share it with anyone else, including a child.

Those with significantly less have 2, 3, 4 children...

Your mentioning of that "second life" really resonates with me. I would like to have children sooner rather than later if that were our final decision, in order to be able to still have the health/energy/time/resources to travel, etc. in our 50's/60's. Unfortunately, given our current situation, we will not be able to even begin trying until we are in our early 30's if we choose to do so.

 

[Dacalo]

Originally posted by: MrsBugi

I agree, several of our friends have decided not to have children. One couple is in their late 30's; they own a house, have prosperous careers, surf every day, take exotic vacations frequently, etc.

They make the decision to not have kids look like a blast - however, I wonder if they'll be as happy with their choice once they are 70 or 80 years old. I worry that we'll have regrets, and by that time it will be too late.

This is just my opinion, but I think having children is one of the most rewarding experiences in life. It's not easy, but just the love within is something special. I am sure there is nothing like watching your child grow and become an adult.

That said, I also believe there is nothing wrong with not having children (but if you are Asian, you will be pestered by your parents, siblings, and relatives). However, I do believe that when you get older and your SO passes away, you will be all by yourself, no grandchildren to read a book to and such. I am not discouraging not having kids, I am just stating the consequence.

I don't have any kids, but I plan to. I do have nieces and nephews, great kids.

Originally posted by: dullard
I want kids, and I will too face the same dilemma that you are facing. The fact is, that sucessful people in 1st world countries just don't need to have kids. We get hooked on the spoils that our hard work has brought, and we aren't willing to give that up. The Economist had an article about that very issue this week (relating successes in a country to the desire to be child free). Those who have little want kids. Those who have lots don't want to share it and thus don't want kids.

That's sad how children are perceived to be burdens rather than a blessing. I guess our society is focused on materiality and its pleasures.

 

[dullard]

Originally posted by: MrsBugi
Your mentioning of that "second life" really resonates with me. I would like to have children sooner rather than later if that were our final decision, in order to be able to still have the health/energy/time/resources to travel, etc. in our 50's/60's. Unfortunately, given our current situation, we will not be able to even begin trying until we are in our early 30's if we choose to do so.

Dang it. I meant to post that part in this thread. Opps. I need to stop reading a bunch of threads and then posting later. I should read/post/read/post in alternating fashion. Glad you enjoyed it anyways.

 

[desy]

I've had two kids but now that I've heard of peak oil I would be reluctant to have two again.
Maybe one , but they are very enjoyable and I couldn't imagine a life without either. . .

 

[Ramma2]

Very, very glad that we had kids. I am 27 and we have a 4 year old and a 4 month old, both boys.

The things you give up to have kids (money, time, sleep, careers) mean absolutely nothing to the love and joy that a child can bring to your life.

They say before you have kids, you can't imagine what life would be like with them, and after you have kids you can't imagine what life would be like without them.