This is a true story and an accurate recollection of the past 24 hours.
11:55 WOO! 5 minutes till I turn 21!
12:04 Arrive first bar. I cant wait to get my first legal Jack Daniels!
12:05 What the hell? The bar's closed? Its only midnight! Damn! This town sucks!
12:08 I hope I can find another bar thats open till at least 1AM. I only want one drink.
12:15 Arrive second bar. GODDAMNIT! Closed!
12:30 Ok, I'll just go over to Applebees and Chilis - they've got to be open till at least 1AM.
12:45 This is seriously starting to piss me off! Chilis AND Applebees have already made last call.
12:50 I'm now at WALMART forced to buy beer to serve myself, instead of the sweet sweet nectar of the angels, I've got to down this swill called beer.
12:54 This witch at Walmart tells me that I cant buy beer after midnight. F-IN GREAT! Like they were going to sell it to me at 11:59.
12:58 I'm now at the 7-11 getting a case of budweiser out of the cooler. This sucks ass, I have to serve myself. At least the cashier got my birthday right.
1:03 How the hell am I going to fit this case of budweiser in the fridge? Better unpack it.
1:05 The doorguard on the fridge breaks, sending bottles of beer rolling all over the kitchen floor.
1:10 Mess in kitchen cleaned up. I can finally sit down and drink my first legal beer.
1:11 I taste the product known as the KING OF BEERS, BUDWEISER!
1:12 There's a party in my mouth and everyone's vomiting. What the hell is this stuff? How can people drink this? It tastes like ass, not that I'd know what ass tastes like, but now I know why God invented Vodka, to get the taste out of your mouth.
1:15 I put my beer down on my nightstand and it foamed up and has made a very large puddle. At least I dont have to drink so much of it now....
Fast forward to this evening.
Mom and dad decide to treat me for dinner. I don't really have a prefrence, but I say "Any place with a full bar" - my mom is not pleased to hear that. We decide on this seafood place that my dad' friend owns.
This restaurant has a bar and the owners daughter is a beautiful brunette with glasses, and she was tending bar this evening. There were a lot of birthday decorations around the place, and we asked the hostess whose birthday it was. It was the gorgeous bartender's a few days ago! We sat down, had dinner, and when she had a break, I went up to her at the bar.
"J, help me out with something. All these deocorations were for your birthday party - I remember a long time ago your mom told me that our birthdays were pretty close. How old?"
"21"
"No way! Thats awesome. Could you do me another favor?"
"Sure!"
"Pour me a shot of Jack"
"Sure! Are you 21?" She gets up and gets behind the bar.
I take out my wallet and put my drivers license on the bar. "I dont know, you tell me!"
"Awww! Today's your birthday! Here you go! This one's on me!"
"Thanks!"
She poured it long in a rocks glass, so this was harder than it sounds. I lifted the glass and looked 10 feet back at my dad through the corner of my eye and I slammed it.
J and the other bartender are laughing hysterically and so is my dad. My mom is looking at my dad with the "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT" face. The other bartender is like "Dosent that burn?"
"Nope! Thanks for the drink!" I gave her a tip and made some small talk.
I get back to the table and my mom says "You better not puke in your dad's car."
Ah, parents.
11:55 WOO! 5 minutes till I turn 21!
12:04 Arrive first bar. I cant wait to get my first legal Jack Daniels!
12:05 What the hell? The bar's closed? Its only midnight! Damn! This town sucks!
12:08 I hope I can find another bar thats open till at least 1AM. I only want one drink.
12:15 Arrive second bar. GODDAMNIT! Closed!
12:30 Ok, I'll just go over to Applebees and Chilis - they've got to be open till at least 1AM.
12:45 This is seriously starting to piss me off! Chilis AND Applebees have already made last call.
12:50 I'm now at WALMART forced to buy beer to serve myself, instead of the sweet sweet nectar of the angels, I've got to down this swill called beer.
12:54 This witch at Walmart tells me that I cant buy beer after midnight. F-IN GREAT! Like they were going to sell it to me at 11:59.
12:58 I'm now at the 7-11 getting a case of budweiser out of the cooler. This sucks ass, I have to serve myself. At least the cashier got my birthday right.
1:03 How the hell am I going to fit this case of budweiser in the fridge? Better unpack it.
1:05 The doorguard on the fridge breaks, sending bottles of beer rolling all over the kitchen floor.
1:10 Mess in kitchen cleaned up. I can finally sit down and drink my first legal beer.
1:11 I taste the product known as the KING OF BEERS, BUDWEISER!
1:12 There's a party in my mouth and everyone's vomiting. What the hell is this stuff? How can people drink this? It tastes like ass, not that I'd know what ass tastes like, but now I know why God invented Vodka, to get the taste out of your mouth.
1:15 I put my beer down on my nightstand and it foamed up and has made a very large puddle. At least I dont have to drink so much of it now....
Fast forward to this evening.
Mom and dad decide to treat me for dinner. I don't really have a prefrence, but I say "Any place with a full bar" - my mom is not pleased to hear that. We decide on this seafood place that my dad' friend owns.
This restaurant has a bar and the owners daughter is a beautiful brunette with glasses, and she was tending bar this evening. There were a lot of birthday decorations around the place, and we asked the hostess whose birthday it was. It was the gorgeous bartender's a few days ago! We sat down, had dinner, and when she had a break, I went up to her at the bar.
"J, help me out with something. All these deocorations were for your birthday party - I remember a long time ago your mom told me that our birthdays were pretty close. How old?"
"21"
"No way! Thats awesome. Could you do me another favor?"
"Sure!"
"Pour me a shot of Jack"
"Sure! Are you 21?" She gets up and gets behind the bar.
I take out my wallet and put my drivers license on the bar. "I dont know, you tell me!"
"Awww! Today's your birthday! Here you go! This one's on me!"
"Thanks!"
She poured it long in a rocks glass, so this was harder than it sounds. I lifted the glass and looked 10 feet back at my dad through the corner of my eye and I slammed it.
J and the other bartender are laughing hysterically and so is my dad. My mom is looking at my dad with the "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT" face. The other bartender is like "Dosent that burn?"
"Nope! Thanks for the drink!" I gave her a tip and made some small talk.
I get back to the table and my mom says "You better not puke in your dad's car."
Ah, parents.
