This is a story about a man, his 21st birthday, and his quest for alcohol

JMM

Banned
Aug 25, 2005
8
0
0
This is a true story and an accurate recollection of the past 24 hours.

11:55 WOO! 5 minutes till I turn 21!
12:04 Arrive first bar. I cant wait to get my first legal Jack Daniels!
12:05 What the hell? The bar's closed? Its only midnight! Damn! This town sucks!
12:08 I hope I can find another bar thats open till at least 1AM. I only want one drink.
12:15 Arrive second bar. GODDAMNIT! Closed!
12:30 Ok, I'll just go over to Applebees and Chilis - they've got to be open till at least 1AM.
12:45 This is seriously starting to piss me off! Chilis AND Applebees have already made last call.
12:50 I'm now at WALMART forced to buy beer to serve myself, instead of the sweet sweet nectar of the angels, I've got to down this swill called beer.
12:54 This witch at Walmart tells me that I cant buy beer after midnight. F-IN GREAT! Like they were going to sell it to me at 11:59.
12:58 I'm now at the 7-11 getting a case of budweiser out of the cooler. This sucks ass, I have to serve myself. At least the cashier got my birthday right.
1:03 How the hell am I going to fit this case of budweiser in the fridge? Better unpack it.
1:05 The doorguard on the fridge breaks, sending bottles of beer rolling all over the kitchen floor.
1:10 Mess in kitchen cleaned up. I can finally sit down and drink my first legal beer.
1:11 I taste the product known as the KING OF BEERS, BUDWEISER!
1:12 There's a party in my mouth and everyone's vomiting. What the hell is this stuff? How can people drink this? It tastes like ass, not that I'd know what ass tastes like, but now I know why God invented Vodka, to get the taste out of your mouth.
1:15 I put my beer down on my nightstand and it foamed up and has made a very large puddle. At least I dont have to drink so much of it now....

Fast forward to this evening.

Mom and dad decide to treat me for dinner. I don't really have a prefrence, but I say "Any place with a full bar" - my mom is not pleased to hear that. We decide on this seafood place that my dad' friend owns.

This restaurant has a bar and the owners daughter is a beautiful brunette with glasses, and she was tending bar this evening. There were a lot of birthday decorations around the place, and we asked the hostess whose birthday it was. It was the gorgeous bartender's a few days ago! We sat down, had dinner, and when she had a break, I went up to her at the bar.

"J, help me out with something. All these deocorations were for your birthday party - I remember a long time ago your mom told me that our birthdays were pretty close. How old?"
"21"
"No way! Thats awesome. Could you do me another favor?"
"Sure!"
"Pour me a shot of Jack"

"Sure! Are you 21?" She gets up and gets behind the bar.

I take out my wallet and put my drivers license on the bar. "I dont know, you tell me!"
"Awww! Today's your birthday! Here you go! This one's on me!"
"Thanks!"

She poured it long in a rocks glass, so this was harder than it sounds. I lifted the glass and looked 10 feet back at my dad through the corner of my eye and I slammed it.

J and the other bartender are laughing hysterically and so is my dad. My mom is looking at my dad with the "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT" face. The other bartender is like "Dosent that burn?"

"Nope! Thanks for the drink!" I gave her a tip and made some small talk.

I get back to the table and my mom says "You better not puke in your dad's car."

Ah, parents.
 

klah

Diamond Member
Aug 13, 2002
7,070
1
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1:12 There's a party in my mouth and everyone's vomiting. What the hell is this stuff? How can people drink this? It tastes like ass

You had your first beer at 21? Are you a Mormon?
 

sparkyclarky

Platinum Member
May 3, 2002
2,389
0
0
Originally posted by: simms
I love it here where the legal age is 19. ;)

eh?

Anyways, I'm seeing so many things wrong with the OP.

1. everyone knows that Bud tastes like ass, and I'm amazed that he never tried it pre-21
2. where the hell is it that you can buy booze from stores (e.g. non-bars) up to midnight? here in Madison, stores close down liquor sales at 9PM
3. Jack is a horrible, horrible shot - it is only passable as a mixer
-about the only thing it has going for it is the brand recognition/great bottle design
 

sparkyclarky

Platinum Member
May 3, 2002
2,389
0
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Originally posted by: Anubis
Originally posted by: sparkyclarky
Originally posted by: nboy22
WTF? puke from one shot? hahahaaha

never underestimate the gag reflex when it comes to shots of Jack

jack is nothing

a 3 wise men is where its at

I'm not disputing that there's worse, but Jack isn't exactly a pleasing shot (in my experience).
 

dug777

Lifer
Oct 13, 2004
24,778
4
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mmm i've got two mini kegs of a very fine Little Creatures Pale Ale, plus a few more blocks of ful strength lined up ;)
 

JMM

Banned
Aug 25, 2005
8
0
0
Originally posted by: sparkyclarky
Originally posted by: simms
I love it here where the legal age is 19. ;)

eh?

Anyways, I'm seeing so many things wrong with the OP.

1. everyone knows that Bud tastes like ass, and I'm amazed that he never tried it pre-21
2. where the hell is it that you can buy booze from stores (e.g. non-bars) up to midnight? here in Madison, stores close down liquor sales at 9PM
3. Jack is a horrible, horrible shot - it is only passable as a mixer
-about the only thing it has going for it is the brand recognition/great bottle design

It tasted pretty good at the time.

 
Jun 19, 2004
10,861
1
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Get some 100 year or 150 year old Grand Marnier then tell us your story.

As of now your story telling skills are somewhat above average, but your taste in alcohol sucks.

Oh, and welcome to ATOT

Happy Birthday:beer:<____Not Budwieser, have a glass of :wine: instead
 

Viperoni

Lifer
Jan 4, 2000
11,084
1
71
Jack's is hardcore.

What's even more hardcore is a double shot of Bacardi 151... taken from a drink glass (as opposed to a shot glass). Highly recommend against doing that.
 

NiKeFiDO

Diamond Member
May 21, 2004
3,901
1
76
thtas an easy read you lazy bastards

sounds fun, stick it to...the man (your mom...)
 

bamacre

Lifer
Jul 1, 2004
21,030
2
61
Originally posted by: Viperoni
Jack's is hardcore.

What's even more hardcore is a double shot of Bacardi 151... taken from a drink glass (as opposed to a shot glass). Highly recommend against doing that.

I used to know a guy who would down a half-pint of 151. He's no longer with us :(
 

dug777

Lifer
Oct 13, 2004
24,778
4
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Originally posted by: bamacre
Originally posted by: Viperoni
Jack's is hardcore.

What's even more hardcore is a double shot of Bacardi 151... taken from a drink glass (as opposed to a shot glass). Highly recommend against doing that.

I used to know a guy who would down a half-pint of 151. He's no longer with us :(

really? ;)